I am scared and worried...
My hubby and I went out of town, just the two of us, over the weekend and it was glorious! We had caregivers to stay with Mom, and we did not want to come home. I am scared and worried that I had a taste of what life would be like not caring and/or worrying about her 24/7 and now that is what I want. I know she is slipping deeper into Dementia, and while it isn't as bad as it can be (or will be), it is still very frustrating to watch her. I know it will be easier to place her in a nursing home if she doesn't know where she is or who we are. I am not ready to place her quite yet, but also not sure how much longer I can continue to stay there with her. When Daddy first got sick, my sister asked me how long I thought I could do this...and I said "forever". Well, now that we have been dealing with this for little more than a year, I don't know how much longer I can do this.
I do have caregivers who are wonderful and I have one who needs more hours and has told me she will work every other weekend. I already have one who is willing to work the others and I am taking her up on her offer. I still want to take Mom places when I can, like going to get some peaches this weekend, but also want some time away from work to decompress and have some time for me and my husband while we are still healthy enough to do so. I don't want to be like my daddy and others who put off doing what they wanted to do because of caring for a loved one. Know what I mean??
I feel guilty for wanting "me" time but know I need to live my life too. I don't want to wake up one day (like at her funeral) and say that I could have done more. How do I (and all of you) get past the guilt of feeling like you didn't do enough?