Next steps seem to be difficult for me.
My 93 y/o mother who has dementia needs to placed in assisted living/dementia care. Each day seems to get worse. I am the only male child, I'm 54 and work full time. Mom and dad lived in their home for 52 years. Dad passed away 5 years ago.At the time of his death, mom had early dementia symptoms but was fine and wished to be in her home. She was safe and took care of herself and did well. Her dementia symptoms slowly increased the past five years after dad passed away and really increased 2 years ago after one of her close friends passed away. About 8 months ago, she began to not recognize her house, thinks I was her brother or neighbor. She constantly cries because she wants to visit her parents ( who are deceased many years ago). You name the dementia-related behavior, she has it. She began to leave the house and walk down the street looking for her parents. So, I moved in with her at her home 7 months to help and watch her with the intention of later moving her into assisted living. To be honest, I feel like I am in prison living here. I know many of you may understand, some of you won't. I had an active life and was planning to start my own business. Now, I have no life now except to take care of my mom and go to work. Luckily I have someone who can stay with mom during the day, but nights and weekends are mine. I don't rally sleep well. Most of the time she is angry, agitated or crying. I don't seem to be much help. I'm not cut out to be a caregiver. The Dr. has suggested several AL for dementia locations and I narrowed them to two. I've discussed AL with mom countless times. Mom one day will not want to go to AL and gets very upset when we discuss it, then other days she is agreeable to it. I tell her that she is moving to a special school where she is safe and not alone where they can help her since I don't know any other way to approach it. I guess after all this rambling, my main difficulty is actually moving her. I'm afraid she will totally loose it. I'm afraid she will refuse to leave the house. How do I get her there? What if she starts screaming in the car? What if she refuses to go in the AL home? How did others manage this? I think I keep putting off the move because of fear of the actual day. However, as each day goes by she gets worse and I end up frustrated, angry and depressed. Any advice or wisdom is truly appreciated. Thank you.