Alone in caring for dying mother.

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Since my mum's fall 2 months back, she has been bedridden even after surgery. Due to her age and under nutritious, she is not bouncing back.

The doctors told me a month ago to get ready for the worse. At first it was harsh on me. I cried for miracles. I cried everyday.

Then my mum was put under Palliative care even though she don't have cancer. We had a family meeting with one of the doctor and she ask me where I want my mum to "go". At first I answer "at home" but cousin in law asked me if I can take care of my mum alone in this condition, then only I realise that I cannot. So even though it was a difficult decision to let her die in the hospital but that is all I can do, at least in the hospital I will have emotional support if anything happen.

Then came the big blow ..... another doctor (I believe she is the "head" there) told me that my mum will be discharged due to shortage of bed in the hospital. I panicked !! How am I gonna deal with a dying person at home and doing it alone !?!?!!

Sigh .... now me and my mum is already at home. I just do what I know. Just give her water coz that is all she drink. And what worries me most is her bedsore. I pray for miracle that it won't get bigger. I do turn her and clean the wound each time I change her diaper, that is all I can do .....

I feel I am prepare if one day I walk in the room and she is gone ... at this stage and with her condition, I prefer her to go then suffer like this .....

I am not saying my heart will not break or I will not cry, I know I will but it's for the best .......

So any other advise for me in this situation ?

Thanks .....

30 Comments

Is there a hospice where you live? If your mom is in pain, you could call her doctor and explain what she needs. Other than that, you are doing the best that you can. Offer some soft food like yogurt, ice cream, pudding...keep her clean, love her and hug her, she will feel your kindness and care. (((hugs)))
What city and state are you residing in? Name and Town, name and town. I may have a suggestion.
I would really encourage you to get hospice care. My experience with hospice was wonderful. They came and helped with medication and eqipment we needed. We had a social worker to talk with, a nurse who cam regularly we could have had a bath aide. There was a chaplain who visited. All there help was wonderful! My son who is a nurse and I were able to care for my Dad, such as bathing etc... which is what he wanted. The hospice staff did whatever else we needed and they were wonderful to my Mom. Please get some help, you should not be alone. take care and God bless!!!
I would also encourage you to call a hospice service in your area. I am in similar situation, however Mom is in an AL facility with hospice services coming in for her, I visit everyday and with the telephone support of my brother, we are working on week #7. She is clean, dry and comfortable and when God is done with her here on earth, he will take her. . . I feel this is his way of preparing us for her to leave us. . . it's not easy, but I do what I can when I can. We are all blessed for having them all so long. . .
yes, hospice is the way to go as I have always heard good things about them
hospice is also a medicare benefit... many people don't know that...
I only wish that I was mentaly well enough to offer comfort. As with your situation, I am in the same boat. My doctor has scheduled Shock Treatments now, since the mental ward of the hospital cannot take Autistics, due to the fact we have bad reactions to the mandatory drugs given there.
I agree with all - call Dr. and tell him/her you want Hospice care for you Mom now. It is covered under Medicare. (Call local Hospice care provider - they may be able to expedite start of services - in some areas there are "in hospital" hospice services available.
Applause to you for not bailing on your Mom. Now make a few phone calls and get the help she (and you) need.
I helped my grandmother many years ago, similar to your situation. As others have said, you are doing the best you can. Really. Keeping mum clean and comfortable, food and water when she will take it, may really be the best you can do. Those bedsores are frightening to look at and care for. Get on the phone and look for help to come into the house to help you and help your mum. Hospice. Medicare. You want mum to be comfortable and as pain-free as possible, they can help you with that. Asking for some help is good for your mum, it is smart.
I wanted to add that if you get some of those thick foam egg crate bed pads and double and even triple them in layers under her bottom and back (put them under her sheets and waterproof mattress protector) that could offer a cushion that may help with the bedsores. There are ointments to cover them to help heal. We are here to lend you an ear and any help we can think of. Hang in there!

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