Alone in caring for dying mother.

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Since my mum's fall 2 months back, she has been bedridden even after surgery. Due to her age and under nutritious, she is not bouncing back.

The doctors told me a month ago to get ready for the worse. At first it was harsh on me. I cried for miracles. I cried everyday.

Then my mum was put under Palliative care even though she don't have cancer. We had a family meeting with one of the doctor and she ask me where I want my mum to "go". At first I answer "at home" but cousin in law asked me if I can take care of my mum alone in this condition, then only I realise that I cannot. So even though it was a difficult decision to let her die in the hospital but that is all I can do, at least in the hospital I will have emotional support if anything happen.

Then came the big blow ..... another doctor (I believe she is the "head" there) told me that my mum will be discharged due to shortage of bed in the hospital. I panicked !! How am I gonna deal with a dying person at home and doing it alone !?!?!!

Sigh .... now me and my mum is already at home. I just do what I know. Just give her water coz that is all she drink. And what worries me most is her bedsore. I pray for miracle that it won't get bigger. I do turn her and clean the wound each time I change her diaper, that is all I can do .....

I feel I am prepare if one day I walk in the room and she is gone ... at this stage and with her condition, I prefer her to go then suffer like this .....

I am not saying my heart will not break or I will not cry, I know I will but it's for the best .......

So any other advise for me in this situation ?

Thanks .....

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Tks Jaye and N1K2R3 .........

Bookworm - Tks so much for your word of comfort, I have had problem with God before all these happened too. Haven't "talk" to God for 4 - 5 years. But since this happened, has started to talk to Him again but it's just small steps, am not going fullblast by start attending mass, etc ...... but I do believe yes, He was here all the way and I thank Him for letting me see my mum "leaving" ......

Suzmarie - I soooo agree with you, I can't wrap my mind around human suffering too .... esp now, every morning I wake up with a painful stabbing feeling in my heart coz I miss my mother so much ... why do I have to go thru this ?? Why everyone has to go thru broken heart like this ?? Only God knows why ........
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I am having a hard time with God too. I grew up Catholic so alot of guilt was put on us young children, example, we had to say in confession if we lied to our parents. I think kids who grew up Catholic have more guilt issues that the general population, but thats my theory. I am not particularly religious either...i am in agreement with the ten commandments, being kind to others, honesty etc However, I just don't understand why God just didn't create humans and then have all of them die, when it was their time, the same, suddenly and at peace. I don't understand the human suffering piece at all....I don't think God's hand are in anything either but I do believe he gave us a concious and a brain to act in the most loving ways. I just can't wrap my mind around human suffering....i better stop or this will be a religious rant
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Hi Marie, I'm so,so sorry about your mom. I recall your first question weeks ago on another thread when you were trying to figure out what was wrong with her. You Did The Best That You Can! Like Mary mentioned, you were so worried about mom, that you actually went on the website looking for an answer! You contacted your sister, and she flew over.

It was NOT a coincidence that you just happened to be passing by your mother's door and saw her breathe her last breathe. She had tears on her eyes - meaning that she must have known you were there and she was not alone when she left. It was NOT a coincidence that your aunt happened to be there when your mom died.

Mary, this is not a coincidence. God had guided everyone to be there when your mom died. Her sister was there. Her daughter was there. Your mom was not alone when she died.

One day, when the pain is not so bad, when you can look back with your heart, mind and soul - you will see that a very loving God had directed all of you together. I'm not very religious now because I'm having problems with God - my fault - but I truly do see the ways He has tried to help me but...I keep shying away. One day...I will accept His help, until then, I will be a hypocrite and point out to others when I see His hand at work. God was there when you're mom died.

Please take care..Hugs from all of us!
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rmarie: So sorry to learn that your Mum has passed away. My condolences to you.
May she Rest In Peace.
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oh Marie... take care...my thoughts and prayers are with you!!!
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Dear All ...

Just want to share that I feel so blessed to see her go and it happened so fast that after all is said and done, I still feel the time spent with her during her last moment was just too short lived.

As usual, I will check on her every time I passed by her room. As usual yday morning I just stood at the door to just see if she is ok and I saw her took a long deep breath and breath out .... so I quickly went and check on her and when her chest is not even moving, I shouted out to my aunt. My aunt came and she said oh ... she is no more ....

I quickly held her hand and cried out to her, keep on calling her ma .... ma !!! and when I saw tears flow from the corner of her eyes ... I knew she is gone, I cried and said to her, just follow Jesus ... just follow Jesus and don't worry about me, don't worry about anything anymore ...

Everything seems to fall into places when I think about it.

1st - my aunt used to leave my house round 7 or 8 am but yday, she stayed until 10am .....

2nd - the timing that I see my mum took her last breath ... if only I missed it or I checked on her later by 5 mins ... I would not see her go .... when I think of this, I still feel so scare, how if I have missed her going .... but praised the Lord, I didn't ... I will forever treasure the moment ..... it's heart breaking but I am still thankful .....

I cried when I read you guys are lighting candles for her, again bless your heart, you are really kind soul, I cannot offer anything in return, just ask God to bless you for your actions and thoughts for a stranger that you just knew in front of your computer.

Emotionally I still feel down, last nite can't even sleep, all kinds of flashbacks and regrets came to mind, how my r/ship with her before this was so bad, why didn't I treat her nicer when she was well, and why i didn't save her from the fall ?? I told God let me die after settling her burial ... I am not worthy to live .....

Anyway, hope this phrase will go off soon and I will be better ....

Again tks to all for your concern .... God bless you all !!
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Marie, my heart goes out to you. You were so good to your mum. She is at peace now, and God knows you did your best to see her through to her eternal life. We are here for you if you want to talk about how you are feeling. I am going to light a candle for your mom and you right now. Love and blessing will come to you for what you did for your mum. ((((HUGS))))) and love to you.
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God Bless. You did your best for your Mom. You were there.
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Oh, Marie, I am so sorry.
You have been a great daughter. You have done everything you can.
There comes a time when God says it is time to go.
It hurts so bad.
You may doubt yourself, please don't. You have done so much, worked with the medical people, even went on line to get information and help, and support.
I will light a candle for your Mom. God bless you both.
Mary
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Oh my dear, I am so sorry. We were concerned before her death and I am equally concerned now. This has been a rough road for you and mom. You did so much for her and we all prayed for both of you. Please keep writing to us to receive support.
I am so sorry to have read this this morning at 7:30 a.m. california time. May your mother rest in peace.
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