My elderly parents live in a remote area where they chose to retire many years ago. In the last few years my dad has started losing his memory and has more and more signs of dementia. My mom is still in fairly good health but is not used to driving and caring for the house etc.
They are fiercly protecting their independence.. even my mom. I have mentioned that it might be better for them to move closer to me.. but my dad absolutely refuses and thinks moving closer is the next step to me putting him in a nursing home. He no longer even wants to come and stay at my house because he thinks i am consipring to put him in a nursing home.
The house they live in is too much for them to handle, my dad should not be driving at all and my mom is not very comfortable driving and only drives in the immediate area. Every week I make the 90 mile treck with their groceries, I'm looking for someone locally to mow their 3/4 acre which is no easy task in that remote area. I worry about them constantly and feel responsible for them..
My siblings all live in other states many miles away. Occasionally we will talk and they will sound like they are going to help.. but nothing ever comes of it. They are too busy with their own 'lives'. .. Wish I could have my own "life".. :(.
I work full time and spend many hours researching, trying to find things to make their life more livable there.. caregivers etc. Recently hired a caregiver to help my mom out, run errands for them and to get my dad involved, talking, walking.. etc. This caregiver has only been there twice.. and now my mom is only using her as a housekeeper and informs me today that she only wants her to come once a week. She doesn NOT want her driving them anywhere.. she can do it herself! (its fine for me to do her grocery shopping.. but not the caregiver)
They are so isolated up there and are fiercely protecting their lives and independence. My dad is slipping more and more into dementia. Occasionally my mom shares her concerns and worries.. last weekend she actually cried. This is the first time I have ever seen her cry in my life.
I feel so alone and have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Thanks for listening...