Well, my Partner died after 6 years of care. After the Memorial, the fight began.

Started by

The Memorial was this past Monday. Because so many came from Germany, I had a dinner afterwards. Should have never done that. My Partners kids surrounded me and began to ask me for the Trust and the Will. They kept smiiles on their face so that the rest of the family thought they were showing me attention. But, the reality was they were telling me what they were going to do. They asked me what are you going to do with the house? When can we expect to get a copy of the Will and Trust? What is your attorneys name. It did not stop. By the time I got up and paid the bill for the dinner, and got out of there I was so upset, my daughter had a hard time calming me down. We got back to our motel and there they were, waiting for me again. FACTS: The one son has been removed from the estate entirely. They all refused to come and see him as he was dying. I begged them to come. The Trust and the Will, provide only for me. There is not that much. They will make sure I spend it to protect myself. They said or did something that made the rest of the family from Germany, who I had been very close to, turn against me. I am 73 years old. I did what I was asked to do for the man I loved and cared for. I always thought a Will and a Trust was solid. I had it drawn up by an attorney and before the Memorial, (which I waited for 3 months to have) to accommodate the Travelers, has been checked and rechecked. I am not obligated to give any of them a copy. I told my attorney (need a new atty) that I wanted them to get a copy as I thought it would cool them down a bit. Now, I am thinking why would I do that? I am just sick. My partner would be furious. He knew he was dying and about 6 months ago he signed the house over to me. The title is in MY name. He moved all his items out of his safety deposit box into my box. I really did not know he was so close to dying. He died quickly when his son refused to come. I think he gave up. I know he was not going to change anything, but he wanted to try to say goodbye. His Step daughter who my partner cared for since she was 3, did not even know her father was ill. We tried to reach her, but she has a strange way of dealing with the family. She does not answer our emails and refuses to keep her phone on the hook. She must be running from something. Any advice from the legal people out there?


I don't have any advice, just condolences. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know you worked very hard to do the very best you could for your partner. Sorry you have to go through this pain now with his relatives. On second thought...maybe you could learn something from your partner's step daughter? Any reason to answer their questions/keep in touch? Hugs.
I have a feeling this is one of those instances where you have to let the chips fall as they may. If everything is legal it would be up to them to show that there was undue influence in the changes to the will and the property transfers... or that there father was of unsound mind. Your simple defense would be that the father had changed the will because they had cut him out of their lives.

This sounds like a dysfunctional family, indeed. Nobody can go back to change things that happened.
Tell them to go to your lawyer. Or check the Will at the court. You know they will go after you for everything. I should have asked you to have their father video his reasoning of changing the Will while in the presence of his lawyer. I didn't think of it until just now.

You want another lawyer, then research who is the best for you. Start googling about situations similar to yours so that you know what you will be facing. And also know the worst case scenario.
Thanks to everyone. I am just sick over this. I never influenced him on anything. My only concern was his care. The last three days, I slept with him in his hospital bed. He asked Hospice to marry us, but you can imagine at that point they were not going to do any such thing. But, aside from all of this, I fear the older son. He is evil. I must remind you all that the last time he was here, I picked up the phone to call 911 on him. He was within inches of hitting his father. Of course, he will deny this with his devious grin. He is enjoying this. He has multiple homes and is well off. He does not need the small amount I have received. I will have to budget big time in order to survive until I die. Stuff like this makes me want to go. I cannot handle this. It is horrible. If they put holds on my accounts, I will go into default and loose everything.
Those of us in the Second Wives Club know that children of the first marriage can be the devil to deal with. They can try to sabotage at every turn, so I wouldn't be surprised at anything they might do just out of spite. My hope is that they head back overseas and leave you alone.
Or I should say "head back to their homes" since I don't know where they live. :)
Hang in there you have proof you have lived with and cared for your loving partner, you do not owe those children anything, it was left to you. Don't waste your money on getting a lawyer, just don't meet with them anymore, start getting your paper work in order like getting the house put in your name. You will get through this and Karma will get them.
You can handle this. Maybe with legal help, but you absolutely can handle this. It is ugly business but if you did right you can hold your head up high and defend yourself well enough. You presented you case well enough on here to be convincing. "Resist evil and it will flee." If he really is evil and does not have a legal leg to stand on, the intention is to intimidate you and it seems he has partly succeeded, but just do not back down if you are in the right and he will not win in the end.
My condolences for your loss. These people are no longer your family or your concern. Leave the ball in their court and let them drive themselves crazy. Deal with only what is required of you by law. Keep informed of your legal obligations and only share contact with these poisonous people through your attorneys. Like all vampires, never invite them in. Again, so sorry for your loss.
Oregongirl, wow and WOW, he passed months ago, I remember you posting of it. Also I remember some of the battles between both of you and the adult children.

As long as he was in a sound state of mind during his transfers there really isn't anything they can do, especially put a hold on your accounts. This all has to go to court and it will take some time for this to happen.

I totally agree with spend NO money for legal counsel. Let them spend their money, especially if there really isn't much to gain from the will. Totally let them spin their wheels.... Keep us posted and please, do not worry as I doubt they can do a damn thing!

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support