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The Memorial was this past Monday. Because so many came from Germany, I had a dinner afterwards. Should have never done that. My Partners kids surrounded me and began to ask me for the Trust and the Will. They kept smiiles on their face so that the rest of the family thought they were showing me attention. But, the reality was they were telling me what they were going to do. They asked me what are you going to do with the house? When can we expect to get a copy of the Will and Trust? What is your attorneys name. It did not stop. By the time I got up and paid the bill for the dinner, and got out of there I was so upset, my daughter had a hard time calming me down. We got back to our motel and there they were, waiting for me again. FACTS: The one son has been removed from the estate entirely. They all refused to come and see him as he was dying. I begged them to come. The Trust and the Will, provide only for me. There is not that much. They will make sure I spend it to protect myself. They said or did something that made the rest of the family from Germany, who I had been very close to, turn against me. I am 73 years old. I did what I was asked to do for the man I loved and cared for. I always thought a Will and a Trust was solid. I had it drawn up by an attorney and before the Memorial, (which I waited for 3 months to have) to accommodate the Travelers, has been checked and rechecked. I am not obligated to give any of them a copy. I told my attorney (need a new atty) that I wanted them to get a copy as I thought it would cool them down a bit. Now, I am thinking why would I do that? I am just sick. My partner would be furious. He knew he was dying and about 6 months ago he signed the house over to me. The title is in MY name. He moved all his items out of his safety deposit box into my box. I really did not know he was so close to dying. He died quickly when his son refused to come. I think he gave up. I know he was not going to change anything, but he wanted to try to say goodbye. His Step daughter who my partner cared for since she was 3, did not even know her father was ill. We tried to reach her, but she has a strange way of dealing with the family. She does not answer our emails and refuses to keep her phone on the hook. She must be running from something. Any advice from the legal people out there?

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There are few things more disgusting than the sight, sound and smell of people demanding to know about an estate *at the same time* as mourning, or in the case of your family dinner a celebration of a life, is taking place. How revolting this behaviour is.

It even makes me wonder: are they losing something in translation?

But I don't care if they are. Check with your lawyer that everything is watertight, and once you're sure it is, say and do as little as possible. Ignore them as far as you can. How upsetting this must be! You really don't need this, don't give it your attention. Hugs to you, focus on anything else rather than their rubbish.
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Oregongirl, you are still in mourning and in shock, but soon you will fill your life with positive things and supportive people so those mean people won't dominate your thoughts and steal your peace of mind. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone.
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Tell your partners greedy children that if there is a legal battle you will counter sue for legal fees when you are determined the rightful heir. You should not have to pay to protect what is yours. If you are sure your partners will/trust is airtight - you might want to have a different estate lawyer take a look - go ahead and give one of them a copy. Advise them if it is challenged you will win and inform them of your intentions to counter sue for your legal expenses. Be so bold and assured that you give them your attorneys card. Leave it at that. I'm betting that once they realize they may end up paying your lawyer for you, they'll crawl back into their hole. DO NOT let them bully you - you deserve better.
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Did I share that the minister said.....There is a year of our birth and a year of our death. There is a dash between those two. God is only concerned with the DASH. How die we spend the dash, what did we do to others or for others in the DASH. It really made me think. My conscience is clear.
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Marlene, Thank you. I believe you have it. My heart was right and my belief is strong. I believe we will be called to explain all of our actions which were not done in love will be placed before us when we pass. We will answer to the Great Almighty. I saw my doctor and he is taking care of me. I made it clear I do not want to take these "anti-depressant" meds forever. I was so frightened and thought I needed to fear for my life. I am sure that was not the case, but it felt like it to me. My attorney just did not get it. Maybe I had no right to file a restraining order, but he should have understood my fear. Thank God for this site. I believe it has allowed me to voice my feelings without condemnation. I pray what I end up with will help others in their trials of families who care little about their own father and want only the "money" they will receive. It is really really sad. I loved my Partner very much. He asked me to marry him many times. I just did not feel it was a necessary thing to do. In the end, he asked Hospice to make it happen, but it was too late. I still think our love was pure and with no thoughts of what either of us would get out of it. Just what we put into it while we were together. Thank you so much
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What a nightmare. My God. We live such tiny short little lives here on earth and for what? To have those kids coming after you like that is just sickening. Those of us who are of good hearts need to stay strong and keep on keeping on. We can live our lives knowing our were lives of integrity, love and caring. Keep the wolves at bay, keep light and love in your heart.
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I will keep you all informed. The delay in the Memorial was to get the relatives from Germany here. All transfers were made when he was of sound mind. There were times in the end, when I would never have ever asked him or allowed him to make any decisions. Neither would Hospice have allowed it, or at least would have advised against it. I hope that what I find out on this will help others. I know there must be someone out there who is about to face the same thing. Hang in there and Let God resolve it. But, I know today that I was right to see my doctor and start my anti-depressants. I will not need them long as I am strong. And, God is with me.
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Oregongirl, wow and WOW, he passed months ago, I remember you posting of it. Also I remember some of the battles between both of you and the adult children.

As long as he was in a sound state of mind during his transfers there really isn't anything they can do, especially put a hold on your accounts. This all has to go to court and it will take some time for this to happen.

I totally agree with spend NO money for legal counsel. Let them spend their money, especially if there really isn't much to gain from the will. Totally let them spin their wheels.... Keep us posted and please, do not worry as I doubt they can do a damn thing!
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My condolences for your loss. These people are no longer your family or your concern. Leave the ball in their court and let them drive themselves crazy. Deal with only what is required of you by law. Keep informed of your legal obligations and only share contact with these poisonous people through your attorneys. Like all vampires, never invite them in. Again, so sorry for your loss.
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You can handle this. Maybe with legal help, but you absolutely can handle this. It is ugly business but if you did right you can hold your head up high and defend yourself well enough. You presented you case well enough on here to be convincing. "Resist evil and it will flee." If he really is evil and does not have a legal leg to stand on, the intention is to intimidate you and it seems he has partly succeeded, but just do not back down if you are in the right and he will not win in the end.
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Hang in there you have proof you have lived with and cared for your loving partner, you do not owe those children anything, it was left to you. Don't waste your money on getting a lawyer, just don't meet with them anymore, start getting your paper work in order like getting the house put in your name. You will get through this and Karma will get them.
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Or I should say "head back to their homes" since I don't know where they live. :)
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Those of us in the Second Wives Club know that children of the first marriage can be the devil to deal with. They can try to sabotage at every turn, so I wouldn't be surprised at anything they might do just out of spite. My hope is that they head back overseas and leave you alone.
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Thanks to everyone. I am just sick over this. I never influenced him on anything. My only concern was his care. The last three days, I slept with him in his hospital bed. He asked Hospice to marry us, but you can imagine at that point they were not going to do any such thing. But, aside from all of this, I fear the older son. He is evil. I must remind you all that the last time he was here, I picked up the phone to call 911 on him. He was within inches of hitting his father. Of course, he will deny this with his devious grin. He is enjoying this. He has multiple homes and is well off. He does not need the small amount I have received. I will have to budget big time in order to survive until I die. Stuff like this makes me want to go. I cannot handle this. It is horrible. If they put holds on my accounts, I will go into default and loose everything.
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Tell them to go to your lawyer. Or check the Will at the court. You know they will go after you for everything. I should have asked you to have their father video his reasoning of changing the Will while in the presence of his lawyer. I didn't think of it until just now.

You want another lawyer, then research who is the best for you. Start googling about situations similar to yours so that you know what you will be facing. And also know the worst case scenario.
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I have a feeling this is one of those instances where you have to let the chips fall as they may. If everything is legal it would be up to them to show that there was undue influence in the changes to the will and the property transfers... or that there father was of unsound mind. Your simple defense would be that the father had changed the will because they had cut him out of their lives.

This sounds like a dysfunctional family, indeed. Nobody can go back to change things that happened.
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I don't have any advice, just condolences. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know you worked very hard to do the very best you could for your partner. Sorry you have to go through this pain now with his relatives. On second thought...maybe you could learn something from your partner's step daughter? Any reason to answer their questions/keep in touch? Hugs.
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