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I have been with my husband for almost 30 years. He is now 54. After 2 years of a misdiagnosed brain tumor, and now almost 7 years of caring for my husband who has Brain Cancer stage III with mixed gliomas, it is a miracle he is still alive. He takes the highest dose of Namenda made, Prozac, and other meds for the damage from 4 surgeries and radiation. Instead of celebrating him still being with us, it has been a nightmare for me. My sons, now 18 and 20 blame me for not being able to make their Dad "happy", so that he is content at home. I come home with lists from doctors of do's and don'ts and that has just made me the enemy. He loved to pick on me and admitted that to his doctor right in front of me. I can't begin to tell you the surreal nightmare it has been here year after year, never knowing if he is going to make it because of bad MRI's every 3 months, and his behavior. He turned into another person after the 1st surgery. He is basically missing 2/3rds of his right frontal lobe. On the last trip outside to see his doctor(s) 2 months ago he decided to take off and hooked up with his estranged family who has done nothing to help us with him after all of these years. They were kicked out of the hospital during the first surgery for bringing liquor to him and being so loud and obnoxious. They have never liked me because they think I'm too much of a "goodie two shoes". According to my new attorney, Divorce is my only option. I have cared for him, quit work to care for him (no pay for spouses), spent my retirement(s) for medical bills, our boys, living expenses, etc... and have found out in the last 3 weeks that he had been selling tools, assets, planning his "escape", and our so called patient advocate has been helping him. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this with their spouse? Is it really the dementia or me being naive? He can really put on a good show and sound great at times, but if someone is around him enough they see the "real him". Thank goodness there are a few people that have. Any advice? The heartache from this is unbearable, and my son's attitudes hurt the worst. I have honestly done everything I possibly could for this man that I knew how to do because I believed in the "for better or worse" part of our marriage. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Also, now that the divorce has been filed I have to face the bankruptcy next.

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Thank you JessieBelle, I don't have any family left except the boys. We spent the money for them to attend a private Christian school, but at this point I sure can't tell it did any good. They do not want to go to family counseling (the 3 of us) and when we did, they said it was like kindergarten having someone telling them to be nice to their Mom, and won't go again. I've been in counseling for a year, and they both say since then I have changed too much and don't seem like their "old Mom". No kidding- I'm exhausted, heartbroken, facing life alone without retirement now, and spoiled them way too much. Thank you for the comment, and yes, 2/3rd's of my husband's right frontal lobe is missing and the radiation treatment has continued to eat away at the good tissue. I'm sure I really lost him long ago. I never thought my son's would behave this way. I hope I have enough left in me to help myself but it isn't feeling like it today. The job retraining is in my "bucket list" of things to do. Luckily I have a good college background but have been out of the workforce for all these years now. Thanks again.
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2goodboys, what a tragedy you have been living. If his frontal lobe was so severely damaged, he may be a totally different man than the one you married. I am sure you know that already. IMO, you have done the best you can and need to try to piece some life back together for yourself. My greatest concern is your relationship to your two sons. I hope you will be able to patch that up with time. This stress has taken a lot from the family, I know.

I don't see what else you can do other than following through with what is going on, then try to rebuild on the other side. Do you have parents or family that can help while you are getting back on your feet? Life is just not fair, but this can lead to something much better on the other side. I hope you are able to find a job that you love and perhaps go back to school. Check with your county services to see what financial assistance may be available for you and if there is a job retraining program that will help you refresh your skills. The last few years have proved you are one tough lady. You've been using the toughness to help others. I hope you'll be able to use it to help yourself now.
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