accused of elder abuse

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my elder mother has reported me to adult protective for abuse, this makes me sick as i have given up career and life to her care. legally what can i do. i am so upset, feel like my reputation and name is being ruined.


she has short term memory. she got a call to go to have a heart monitor put on her. did not know where we were suppose to go.
also same day she fell, hurt her foot, dr said to go to er. she did not want to go. i spent all day long in hospital getting monitor put on, 3 hours in emergency room getting xrayed. she was so ugly to me all day, just wanted to go home and leave her alone. when we got home i told her if she could not remember who called and where her appointments were i would just answer the phone and took phone out of her room. she pushes her alert button, calls my daughters screaming and crying that i am hurting her, they rush down, take her home with them, and tell me to get out of her house. now another note, i had been gone for 10 days visiting my son, my daughter checked on her one day, calls me and says mom, grandma had a rat in the bed with her. i get home and there is rat signs all in the house. she had left food out, it was gross. i had spent hours and hours cleaning and still trying to care for her and guess just tired. but when aps
comes out she tells them i am trying to overdose her, trying to get her in nursing home. i feel like i am brain dead. she lays in the bed all the time, but if she knows my daughters are coming, she jumps up gets dressed and acts like a different person. everytime she has to go to hospital she gets mad at me and blames me. i am just ready to run to another town and say let the grand daughters take care of her, cause i have had it. on top of that i have my 57 year old disabled brother that i care for.
guess what hurst more than anything is that my own 2 daughters do not bother to help until this comes up. i begged them to set down and talk but they would never do it.
Dear carolsmom, I know all about caring for someone who can "act like a different person" in different settings. My mom's mad a lot and blames me, or whoever she can to not have to take responsibility for herself, her own choices, etc. And she accuses others of the abuse she herself is guilty of. This is pure insanity. The worse part is, that due to her ability to perform still for others, they believe her lies. Try convincing someone that mom is a Jeckle/Hyde when they think she's "lovely." How insidious when they pity them and comdemn you, when you alone know the truth about the situation, and do not abuse. My heart goes out to you, as I know what you are suffering at the hand of your mother. I tell my sister, "The Queen of Abuse accuses others." Mine's been doing it, and getting away with it for over 50 years, and she's not only convinced in her mind that her accusations are true, but has mastered the game of convincing allies that she is the victim. And people want to rescue the poor thing.

Carolsmom, I understand your fear and anguish. It is devastating to be accused, and feel humiliation and experience scorn from others, knowing you are innocent, when no one believes you. Get an bulldog attorney with big fangs, and protect yourself, it the advice I've heard. Talk to some trusted individuals, and get their advice and help. This is common, but terrifying when it happens to you. And cry out to God, who is a present help in time of need.
as you know the one that cares is the one that is blamed all the time i remember when my mother was alive she would always ask me to do things for her and when my sisters came around i didn't exist and it was hurtful cause she would ignore anything i say to her when she was around my others sisters no she didn't have alz or dementia but its just the thought of how she treated me only when she was with my other one day i decided on one sunday not to go down to my parents house when they were there, then about 6 o'clock one of my sisters would call and say "mom wants to know if you were coming down today"? i say "no cause all she gonna do is be rude to me when you guys are sister was shock and gonna say "now sonya you know mom is sick" and i said so theres nothing wrong with her memory the point im trying to say is im the one that came down through the week not just the wkend i took her to the store when dad can't, i took her to the dr. i went to garages sales with her from time to time but im the one she was rude to when my other sister didn't even make time through the week..i know ur story is much different but what i saying is they seemed to take it out on the ones that care and will be there then the ones that don't
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I think your mom is just trying to take out her confusion and sadness as anger. That does not justify what she is doing, especially after all the care and love you have given her.

Talk to your daughter about what really happened and hopefully they are understanding enough.

Hope it works out
Boy have I been there. Mom is fine mentally but has always been unhappy and angry and hates my Dad. Dad is suffering from mild/moderate dementia. One day I got so fed up I called my sister (the one that at least does something to help) and said that I could not take the lies and abuse any longer and if it continued to happen I would call social services. Then it would be all over for both of them. Both put in nursing homes and OMG a stranger handling the money. Well that settled things down for awhile.
Mine is not under my roof, thank heavens. And mine waits to lie about me when not in the same room, like a real back-stabber. That's the ONLY way she can get away with it. The unfortunate thing is, they believe her lies. Do you think "they" want to listen to me? Fires me up!!!

I was advised to hire a bulldog attorney with big o' honking fangs. Did, but decided to wait...because I stand before God. Let him defend me. And if I need the attorney, two have said they'll be happy to defend me. Plus a Social Worker and State Trooper will stand beside me in court. Can't get much better than that!

So, 1913, what do her doctors say about her shenanigans? You need to take care of yourself, and cross t's and dot i's for safety. At least, that's what I've been told... Document everything!
Thank you for your prayers. God always comes through according to his timing, not ours; sometimes at the midnight hour! I'll wait as long as he wants us to...

Lawyers are an interesting bunch. New world, this.

Wow, perhaps you need to be a squeaky wheel with your mom's health care. Multiple phone calls can be different agencies. Or find a new doctor?! I'll be praying for you, too. Can you contact your mom's physician again, saying "Mom needs..." Document what you just wrote, too. Take care, and let us know how things turn out for your mom.
I was accused by a home care nurse that worked for The Depart. of health and is one of two in our county that medicare uses when a pt. leaves the hospital or nursing home. This nurse thought he needed to be placed and I had been taking care of him for years. APS sent a caseworker instead of a social worker and when she came with another person I was outside watering my plants. I tried to give her somebackground she was not interested and got in my face and just wanted to see the pt.-I said I need to shut off the hose and unlock the door-sne screemed you locked him in the house-I said no I had been working in the back of the house and we had had robberies in our neigherhood. When she went in my husband put on quite an act and she started asking about our finanicial matters and said to me I was out of the picture and they were going to get himm 24/7 care she did not say who would pay for it. When she left I was shaking and called my daughter who works in social service in another county and said APS in our state had no power at all. Later that day this man who was acting like death warmed over was outside picking up flagstones on our walk and using a chainsaw to cut down branches above his head- I called this Person and told her that nothing came of it. A few months later a man who was running for re-election came along and I was talking to him about lack of available home care and he had been in social service in our county and others and was very upset about what had happened to me he made a report and followed up on it for me. If anything had come of it I had plenty of mental health workers who really knew-that day I stopped assisting him with hus chores if he wanted to do any outside work he had to get all his tools himself and when he fell just called 911. It is very upsetting to get accused esp. he was the one abusing me and had been for years first physically me and the kids until he was reported and then verbally up untill the day before he got critically ill for the last time and passed away. I found out later I did not have to answer any of her questions and should have called the police -we do still live in a free country-if this happens to anyone else make sure you read their business cards so you know who you are dealing with I did not realize until the next day she was not a social worker she led me to believe she was and in fact after that I called the agency and asked to have a real social worker come to see us and he did and said our house and my husband looked wonderful.
Sometimes all you can do is stick by the facts. What exactly were you supposed to have done, or not done? I believe you might be entitled to see a written copy of their reports.

You may need to wait a while if your family members are not currently speaking to you, let things cool down and try again. Hope you can have a restful holiday season and look forward to better times

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