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i have been turned in to adult protective for abuse of my mother. adult protective has taken statements from my mother and others and i believe they think i am abusive. i am just crused. i gave up career and life to care for her. do i need attorney, and should i file charges for false statements made about me.

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After my sister served me with a restraining order, to prevent me from seeing my Mother, we went to Court. The Judge asked a few questions and dismissed the case. Now I have found that this sister has canceled my mother's telephone service, leaving her with a cell phone. My mother has never been able to use a cell phone - my sister not only left her with no ability to place or receive calls, she then went out of town. It looks like she is trying to isolate my mother. Is this considered abuse?
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Call your local area agency on aging and adult protective services to discuss these issues.

Start there. You may need to seek guardianship.
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My sister served me with a restraint Order, that my mother said she didn't sign, went to court & the judge dismissed it. But now, after 6 weeks of not being able to see her, my mother is mad at me. My sister is trying everything to get control of her finances. My mother is 91 and has dementia. But in this 6 weeks my sister has been lying to my mother, saying I am not trustworthy, etc. I am succ trustee, POA, executrix. What can I do? Thanks
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Your mum has Dimentia for sure or behavioural issues or side effects from medications!
Gather all mums medical records! Make copies! Get character records!
Request a police investigation! Most older people with mental problems or medication abuse or serious side effects or just plain madness make up stories to get the family to visit them ! Also your mums medical illness makes her distort things for instance if she tried to hurt herself and you stopped her she may due to meds & dimentia... Or just her bipolar personality get confused! Anyway you hotta act fast and get evidence and get a close friend to help you! Here what usually happens almost everyone with dimentia will say you are bashing them & they , your mum gets confused!!
Tell the doctors & go to the hospitals & get all medical reports .... Get a lawyer regardless cause this way no ine can manipulate your words!!!
And stand your ground!!!
Shame on the family who listen to your confused ill mum!!
The police sounds like they can & are pursuing you!!!
Wrongfuly
But will not stop!!
You mum wants attention!!
She is manipulative & knows what to do to create chaos gor you!
Do not worry!
Act fast seek legal aid now!!!

The police get it wrong most of thr time!
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skip123, regarding service dogs and hotels, if the dog is a legit service dog and you have the paperwork, hotels cannot discriminate against you. Strange, I never heard of Great Danes being service dogs, can you elaborate on that for us please.
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I've one brother 58_two sisters60 and54_I'm 53 taking care of mom with dementia by myself.wells Fargo took moms home illegally after 33 yr siblings would not help mom so I've don e best i can with my ssi disability and moms too.still not enough for a month in hotels and its hard to find any to rent to us with
Our service dogs, so plenty of nights. Me mom and two great Danes kept us warm in the Honda threw winter.I found a motel run down which is one room but a shower and a fridge,a stove all luxories as is not walking up with a parking break in your shoulder and a160 pound great Dane on top of you.now we are indoors but the cars gone.mom has not much memory except she thinks I'm my dad and goes threw rages as she thinks I've been cheating on her.I can't do what everybody says"get rid of the dogs"moms luv for the dogs so great its all we have left and my dad was an ent specialist plastic surgeon who left luxories wells Fargo hauled the contents of her home away also illegally.
So now she's talking in her sleep normal as if somebody is talking to her.when awake she can't make sense as words don't connect.also her appitite is poor.not that we have much food. Its as if a bad dream instanl y came true.but I never dreampt ever life would come to this.oh got to go moms awake I've got to help her she's also almost blind. I have found that even though I don't walk into a beautiful home full of antiques baby grand stienways Persian rugs art work ect.I know the best thinng I'm grateful for is the Hart still beets.its my wish all you are blessed too.I'm figuring all this new insideous disease out alone as siblings called APS nine times to finding it false report.if I found a nursing home had Abused my mom I'd have a place to live alright,behind bars.people who abuse the elderly I won't comment on the punishment they need.I'd I guess I will.e execute them and it will stop happening.you see why dogs are better than most humans ?
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My Identical twin sister happens to work for the Oregon Department of Human Resources and I'm fairly certain that she was behind the false report of Elder Abuse just recently filed against me, thankfully the claims were unsubstantiated .... but the following day my sister called the local police department and attempted to have me arrested by making a bogus police report that she feared I had attacked my 70 year old mother! Again, no charges were filed and the matter was dropped, which I found satisfactory. I'm not, however, willing to just let this report of Elder Abuse against me be swept under the rug and just forgotten! I'm a respected member of my community and for the past 3 months my husband and I have been living in an RV in the back yard of my parents and caring for my 70-year-old father who was recently diagnosed with terminal Glioblastoma Brain Cancer. My father means the world to me and I would NEVER harm him in ANY way! I've been trying to find out find out everything that I can about the Elder Abuse claims filed against me, but so far I have been running into one brick wall after another, and I'm sure that it has a lot to do with the fact that my sister works for DHS! I tried to get a copy of the actual report that was made against me, but according to the APS caseworker, I'm not able to access a copy so that they can protect the victim (my father) - which just doesn't make sense to me! The claims against me were found to be UNTRUE, therefore it only seems fair that I be able to read the alleged claims! I made it perfectly clear to the case worker that I wasn't trying to breach any confidentiality laws or anything of that nature, I just wanted to know what the complainants allegations of Elder Abuse against me were, and I would think that I'd that right! I personally feel that I'm getting the run-around ..... If anyone knows what the Law is on this subject, I'd be interested in knowing! Thanks!
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Our stories are very similar. I also gave up a well paying job and my life as to not put my mom in a nursing home. I feel your pain on being devastated over the false accusation. I have been in touch with a few attorneys with what I can do to protect my name and as soon as I get an answer I will certainly let you know. Hang in there!
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Please be so careful for their is so very much guardianship abuse and exploitation..I lost my innocent loving mom who was my world
Fabrication lies by APS when asking for help to get my mom to the hospital which caused a corrupt guardian in Florida to take control of my mothers life and personal property all gone and heartbroken forever..never allowing my mother to be with her yorkie and cat who were her world along with her grandson, childhood friend, family. My mom was put in dumpy nursing homes and locked up like a prisoner for the last year of her life...abused broken bones over drugged causing hypothermia and 3 feeding tubes causing severe infections and she did not even need it...the 3rd time killed her and begged it be stopped.The Harvard hospital, Jewish for the aging and other top hospitals even stated that was cruel and unethical....so I caution you it can be a living nightmare since so many of us loving our parents are destroyed by guardianship abuse and more from strangers and corrupt judges who break apart and destroy families forever...I even stated keep her money just give me my mother back...please contact me if you like. Their are so many of us hurt and traumatized forever and would be here for support and help anyone who needs it ...
It's too much to tell in one comment but contact me if you really need the support for a group of us want to save those elder parents who are innocent and you a loving son or daughter needing advice and support to keep your elder parents safe and in the arms of their loved ones...
Heartbroken for my mom
Jill
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This too has happened to me but from my siblings who dont want to give my mom the time of day. I guess for their own guilt. I really dont know why. But they did an investigation and just closed my case last week. They investigate for 30 days. 1 thing that helped me is that I had her pcv document that my mom was saying untrue things and she did and ss did go to her and ask her questions. I have always been the only 1 in my parents life ( I have 4 other siblings) so plenty of people have seen me in drs., stores, walking, even before she was sick. I didnt fear nothing because I knew it was falsely accused but it angered me something awful. I just think " Why would they say something like that just to have her taken away, and then who would step up to care for her" None of them want the job. They never asked me for help or never said they wanted to care for her so that is the reason I said I dont know why. But God sees ALL. And as long as you are doing right by your mom Nothing else matters. It is hard when your mom is the accuser too. My mom did it because I would go shopping without her or go to dinner with my husband. She gets very angry if I leave her. But I simply remind her that I have my own life separate from her. She has to live with it. I care for my mom and at the time my dad too till he passed away 10 mos. ago. So if you arent at fault do not worry. God sees us thru it all..... God Bless You.....
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I was not aware that any state can make you pay for your parent's foolish behaivors like spending money they do not have and then having their adult children pick up the tab-I have to pay my husband's debts he accured before he died and my children are not responsible for them-I wish I had insisted my name was off his credit cards if I had it to do over again I never would have credits in anyone else's name besides my own.
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Carol this may sound cruel, but you need to find other arrangements for your mother. There is no guarantee you mother will not again make false accusations. You need to protect yourself. Texas is one state that does not have Filial Responsibility Laws which means you are not responsible for her care or financial means. The state I live in does and thanks to your posting I have taken steps to ensure I will not encounter the horrors you have endured.
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Carol, you summed it well: mother can fool everyone but me. Can I relate! But, fortunately, others are seeing it as well... Yes, time will tell.
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Carol I am so glad you shared your experiences with us if I had known how it works that women would not have been able to do me in like she did others need to know things like this happen- I was lucky I called my daughter at work which I never do unless it is something big-she works in Social Service in another county so she was able to calm me down but I know how you feel when you are doing all you can and more and are acussed of something that you are not guilty and am so glad we were able to let others know what could happen to them very easily you take care dear lady.
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my. hearing all these stories, i think i am glad i am out of my mothers house and letting my daughters take care of her. i have seen my mother eat, her cereal drip down her chin and i swear act like she was in another world. the daughers call, she gets up gets herself dressed and acts like she is wonderful. my mother can fool everyone but me. when you live in the house, you see what really goes on and for my 2 daughters to blame me and say there is nothing wrong with grandma. and yes mom will do good for a month maybe 2 then she goes down, and i have always been there to jump in take care of her. but now i am washing my hands. i not only took care of my mother. my brother is 58 disabled from alcohol and accidents. he can no longer work, drive is on disability to the tune of 1800 a month. wants 500 benadryl and tylenol a week and i am stupid enough to buy it for him, and it hits me. dang he is doing meth. his teeth rotted out i took him to dentist, dentist said worst meth mouth i have ever seen will not touch him. so yep i am glad the daughters are taking care of this mess. and my mom has enabled my brother for years and years, and i have been the one to always come to rescue but dang i think this site and all of your encouraging words are making me see the light. take care of yourself......
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Thank you, Austin. These can be very upsetting and intimidating. The worst is being backstabbed by a "loved one." Where elders are concerned, it seems we're first guilty until proven innocent, not the other way around. And they do send in the Amazon people to throw their weight around.
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Bless you Msdiva--you did not let them intimidate you. When APS came to my home I was outside working in the yard-my husband was in his hospital bed and I checked on him every 20 min and he was able to get in and out of bed by himself and a commode was next to the bed besides 8-10 urinals on the other bed railing. I had locked the front door because I was also in the back yard at times and there had been breakins in our area so when this Amazon of a women got out of her car and said who she was I said I wanted to give her some background but she said she wanted to see my husband I said fine I need to turn off the hose and unlock the door she yelled YOU LOCKED HIM IN THE HOUSE I laughed and said no and explained why it was locked I felt like saying stupid you can not lock someone in the house. Of course my husband played it up and acted half dead later that day he was outside lifting heavy flagstones and fixing the walk and using a chainsaw to prune trees-I called her and invited her back to see that but of course she did not she had told me that day she was going to push me out of the picture and have me pay for 24/7 care for him she was a big bag of wind-no report was ever made and she was not even a social worker but was a case worker. A few weeks later a man came along running for political office and I mentioned it to him and he was involved in social service in our county and the next one up the line and knew our daughter who is a case worker in the other county and this person she was no lady was reported and he followed up on it and nothing came out of it and my daughter said they do not have any power and you do not have to answer their questions, her co-workers in APS said they were embarassed how it was handled in our county. So if ant one else is in that situation do not get upset tell them you are calling your lawyer even if you do not have one at the time-and the sad part I was the one being abused by him.
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well the only person i can thank for it is god i went through it and i won cause my family was the one that was incompetent ...the accuse me of this and boy was it a mess but i ended up winning for one theres got be proof. i wrote way back what my family did they even call state in on me they came to the house unexpectant and when they got there it was scary but they walk in and they were really nasty to me they question my dad and i will tell you the questions. i ask the woman why she was here and i tell you there were three of them two women and a man they told me they got a report that my dad was being abuse..and i said WHAT????? she said "yes" may i speak to ur dad i told her he was in his room watching t.v. and the cute part i just gave my dad his bath i gave him a bath three times a week he had pancakes sausages and eggs for breakfast and mind you my dad had four pancakes 3 eggs and 3 sauages (hahhah) my dad can eat, alittle he was ....she went back to his room i walk with her i introduce her to dad ....and the b---ch was rude she said "hello john" I excuse myself and said 'MY DAD EARN HIS NAME, TO YOU HE IS MR.BRUCE' she said im sorry she redid it and said hello mr. bruce dad spoke back she introduce herself and told him why she was here she as me to leave. she would like to ask dad some questions...and trust me i wasn't worried so i left and went back to the room where the other two was at...they tried to make convert but i answered short and sweet finally i went back to his room i stood at the door and listen i heard her ask dad does he eat his meals 3 times a day he responded back and said "IM NOT A LUNCH PERSON BUT BRKFST AND DINNER IS WHAT I LIKE she ask him does he get his bath on regular basis he responded and said YES i just got through with a bath before i had brkfst...then she ask him do you feel that ur daughter is taking very good care of you??? he responded and i quote "YES MY DAUGHTER TAKE GOOD CARE OF ME SHE HERE WITH ME ALL THE TIME I WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT I WILL DO WITH OUT HER CAUSE HER OTHER SISTERS DON'T GIVE A DAME AND THEN HE ASK HER WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THESE QUESTIONS! ooooh i cried and then i laughed it was so funny and it was hurting too..i went back to the room where the others were and about few seconds later the lady came out she look around the house all three of them and she said ur home is very pretty and nice..and i answered back this is not my home this is my parents home they ask me question and one perticualar question got me she aske me that do any of my family come down to see him especially the one that LIVES down the street when she said that i knew it was the family that reported i couldn'e beleive it as time went on i got a report in the mail and said they found NO findings of what was reported i called my oldest brother and told him. that MF knew about and didn't even tell me he told me that he didn't think they would do it i ask him who??? HE WOULDN'T TELL ME BUT I KNEW WHO IT WAS IT WAS CRAZT these people were planning to take dad out of the house that day because of what was reported but it didn't work ...then when the court came through about it they all had to teslify on this and they couldn't cause none of them came down to see dad. i won this part i may got strip down from the others but my dad knew i was not abusing him and they knew it to..LIES its what my family is about that had to find something to get me out of the house and that was their last hope of reporting me that i was abusing (VINDICTIVE)...but you know what??? GOD DON'T LIKE UGLY" i was truly blessed and savored cause of the dad i had that knew i wouldn't do nothing to harm him.
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O this is scary! Crowemagnum, you have righteous anger in a case such as this. Imw124, my heart goes out to you. Getting Guardianship is not the answer, as Mom can ask for another every six months, which is within her rights. And they grant it at their request, whether they are "competent" or not. And the courts appoint an attorney to "investigate" any allegations of abuse she may have against you. It's her word against yours, with court-appointed doctors standing by to "help." They know you can't fight the courts, as you probably spent all your money taking care of Mom. Seems they stand to gain something financially from Mom and from you, with no protection for you or Mom. Elder abuse by an adult child as Caregiver is easier to prosecute than opportunistic attorneys. Who's going to believe or protect a falsely charged "abusive," or so-called "over-controlling" Caregiver??? What was meant to protect the innocent, can be used against the innocent as well. Talk about Elder abuse! Makes me wonder who we can trust these days. Thank God he knows the truth, and that the battle and vengeance is his. We fight this one on our knees, and sometimes with the help of expensive self-defense. Tragic!
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I had charges brought om me by a nurse who called APS and after they left and I was shaking I called my daughter who works in Social S ervice in another county and she said they have no power and I found out the 2 women who came to the house were case workers not social workers and nothing came of it and people in my church said they would write letters to social service for me and the sad thing was it was him that was verbably abusing me and had physically abused me and the kids years ago until he was reported by a counsuler I was seeing and even though the charges were valid nothing came of it but he did stop the physical abuse but not the verbal abuse which continued up until the day before his last trip to the hospital.
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lmw124


What sort of a quack of a doctor was he? Cost that much? That is crazzy? And the doctor did not ask for any input from you and/or your sister? My mother's neurologist has known her for several years while she's been having these seiziers which climaxed with one big stroke. He had no problem at all seeing her incopentency with the standard verbal and written tests. The nursing home doctor who had only known my mother a few weeks could clearly see how incompetent my mother had become.

The more I read of your story the more angry I feel for you and your sister!

I've read so many mean, abusive mom stories on this site, that I could almost say something very blunt and harsh but I will refrain.
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I agree about the court appointed guardian, that is what my sister has been looking into the last few days. Yes, I do feel like I have been victimized, on both sides, for getting caught in the middle of this, mom challenging us on this guardianship thing, and having moved in with my sister and half of my and mom's stuff still out in the garage.
We did have mom evaluated, cost us $1,200 and he said she was okay, this is crazy. She got all dressed up, tried to show
that she was in control and really buffaloed him. However, some of things she has tried recently should have them worried. Trying to walk down the hall with her walker when she is supposed to have a worker helping with the belt around her, walking around her room without her walker, and asking the workers to walk her without the walker down the hall just to see if she can do it and forgetting meals and not realizing when it is time to take her medications.
Thanks for listening and helping to get me straightened out. I should have gone for this guardianship thing long when I was in Minnesota, before this thing mushroomed on me.
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I ran into this when my father was living alone. He had dementia and was on the waiting list for an assisted living arrangement. I was living in another state. A well-intentioned neighbor phoned adult protective services, becase he rescued my father before he nearly froze to death in a car on a cold winter's day when he could not remember how to unlock the door (dementia). He assumed the guy was living alone with nobody looking after him.

It took me several phone calls to document that he was on a waiting list and as soon as something opened up, I was moving my father to assisted living.
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lmw124

Your story is an example of why our aging parents need to give us adult children durable and medical power of atty before they get in really bad shape as well as having them evaluated for being competent or incompentent for handeling their own business in a business like manner which obvriously your mother has not been in some time. When you have such a statement by one and perferably two doctors that is noterized then, she could not have gone over your head and created all of this financial mess. I think both you and your sister need the atty for from what I understand you to say that both of you are being sued. There is really no way that you can stay on the outside of all of this. You mother does not need to have control of her money and property once again. It sounds like ya'll might need to pursue guardianship being assigned to her by the court.

How can she afford an atty to sue ya'll if she does not have control of her money anymore?

Sounds to me like your mother used you both coming and going as well as now not seeing you as useful anymore and thus wants to suck even more of life out of you just like someone with a personaiity disorder does in order to make themselves feel like they are the victim when in fact they have victimized others.
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I was threatened with this several times in taking care of my mother for five years. When I first arrived to take care of her, I realized that this "friend" she had was really a boyfriend that she was very attached to and were considering getting married. They were together constantly in the afternoon and evening. He gradually went downhill with alzheimers and was transferred to a nursing home across town. I do not drive due to vision problems, and mom had been told by her doctor not to drive due to morphine patch on her back for back pain. I was accused of, first of all, not letting her drive. I had to go and get a written statement from the doctor and present it to the ombudsman. She even went as far as to try and rent a car behind my back while I was at a doctor appointment. The second time, she wanted me to spend $400 in cab fares back and forth to the nursing home to visit her boyfriend every day, staying until after the buses quit running. She went to an attorney that time, I was forced into it. There was no way out of it that I could see then to get out of it. Her boyfriend passed away last year, now I am still trying to pay back charge cards that I should not have gotten into. Now she is in nursing home, as she was falling down a lot and I was having health problems. Now she is angry about being in the nursing home, does not understand why she is there, and wants all her property back and control of her finances (what little she has left after paying for the nursing home). She is suing my sister for putting her in the nursing home and we have a court date in two weeks. My sister does have an attorney but I do not. I stated right about front I did not want to get involved, but slowly I am being dragged into this on both sides and the finances may be my ruination.
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I'm very proud of your actions about the Atty. today and I hope you fell stronger and better for having been proactive!


Wow! I recognize almost EVERY ONE OF THOSE MEDICATIONS!!! Several of them really should only be given to a person my a psychiatrist. I've been on seroquel and know what it does! I'm glad to be off of it.

Frankly, if this destroys what's left of your family, then the system itself was already fallen apart long before this.
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THANK YOU CROWEMAGNUM FOR YOUR WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT. I HAVE CONTACTED AN ATTORNEY TODAY, AND I HOPE IT DOES NOT COME TO THIS, AS IT WILL DESTROY WHAT IS LEFT OF THE FAMILY. THE ATTORNEY WAS VERY FRANK AND SAID IF WE DO THIS IT WILL HURT BUT SAVE YOU FROM THE GUILT THAT YOU ARE FEELING FROM WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO YOU. HE SAID FIRST OF ALL THE DOCTOR WHICH IS A DO SHOULD BE IN TROUBLE FOR ALL THE MEDICATION HE HAD MOM ON WHICH INCLUDED METADONE, LEXAPRO, SEROQUEL, XANAX AND AMBIEN. HE SAID HE BETTER HAVE SOME DOCUMENTATION TO STAND BEHIND THOSE DRUGS, AND THE HOMEHEALTH, DRS. OFFICE BETTER HAVE MY CALLS AND CONCERNS DOCUMENTED. ALSO THE PHONE CALLS I MADE TRYING TO FINDOUT WHERE TO TAKE HER TO GET HEART MONITOR AND THE LENGTH OF TIME IT TOOK ME CAN ALL BE EVIDENCE OF HOW MUCH I DID JUST TO GET HER WHERE SHE WAS SUPPOSE TO BE. APS DOES NOT HAVE LEG TO STAND ON, HE THOUGHT DAUGHTERS SHOULD HAVE HELPED INSTEAD OF WAITING AND TELLING ME HOW TO DO A JOB. AS FAR AS TAKING CARE OF MYSELF. RIGHT NOW I AM A BASKET CASE. I NEED TO GO BACK TO WORK AND SURE IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME, BUT NEED TO GET THIS BEHIND ME. IT FEELS ALMOST LIKE A DEATH IN THE FAMILY. VERY SAD
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No doubt about it after reading this, but you are severly burned out and understandibly so while now being abandoned by your daughters, falsely accused of abused as well as invalidated as someone who has worked as hard and done as much good as you have.

Thus, I see two actions to take. First, decide to be proactive about this and get yourself a lawyer soon! Second, find yourself a therapist to help you with this burn out, through this legal situation, and to see if you may need some medication yourself for your own well being.

Right now, you can't change mom nor can you change your daughters, nor can you change the situation of being accused, but you can take charge of you by being proactive in doing the two things I suggest above.
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my mother has been falling alot and dr wanted her to have her to have heart monitor on for 24 hours. and to back up i had been in new york for 10 days visiting my son. 1 daughter actually went to my mothers house 1 day out of those 10 days and that was only to take her to drs appt. when i landed on plane daughter said mom you are not coming home to pleasant situation. grandma had a rat in the bed with her during the day. i got home, rat signs everywhere cabinets, on bed, bathroom, i went nuts cleaning, put out 24 mouse traps, was washing cleaning everything in house. staying up til 2 am cleaning, mother falls one night and i did not hear her. next morning she tells me, i call homehealth, they come out tell me to ice it. one daughter comes to only be in the way, told me she did not clean rat crap. the other could not come as she has 2 small children and we did not want them walking even on the floors. it was a struggle to get mom to eat and drink, knowing she was depressed i went to the homehealth company and asked for advise. nurse told me she would go and talk to mother and for me to just stay away a couple of hours and i did. nurse looked at my mothers foot from the fall and calls the dr. nurse calls back at 5pm and tells mother to go to the emergency room and get xray, mother tells her she has no one to take her. which was not the truth i was there. then mother gets another phone call to be somewhere the next morning to get heart monitor on. she tells me at 8pm that she was to get heart monitor on next day but not sure what town or where to go. i told her not to worry we would get up in am, and find out. got up early got dressed got her in car, which is ordeal, she is sick at her stomach, sweating, i get garbage can to vomit in, load her walker and off we go. to where i am not sure, i take her to local hospital outpatient and they do not have orders. i left mother in the car and ran back every few minutes to reassure i was trying to findout where she was suppose to go. she gets so upset , says just take me home now, she gets paranoid when she has to leave her home, i reassure her it i ok, i will find out. i have a lady on the phone trying to call different places that she might have to be, i am also on my cell calling her doctor, the homehealth, they have no idea where she is to be. when i was talking to homehealth they ask about the xray the night before, of course i did not know about it. finally 45 minutes later i findout where to take her. get her to the cardio lab and they will not put monitor on until she has foot xray. i call drs nurse beg her to write order to have xray somewhere other than emergency rm knowing it would take hours, dr says no, told her to go last night and i will not change order. the nurse in the cardio lab talks mother into going to emergency room to have xray. now this whole time mom is mad at me, feels like i am making her do things she does not want to do. her sodium is low she is suppose to drink lots of fluids and she is getting weaker. i get her drink out of machine, emergency room takes 3 and one half hours. then back to cardio lab. finally after 7 hours we are fininished, i go get her something to eat and drink and get her home and in the bed. i am mentally and physically exhausted. one daughter says it should have not been so long, dr should have written new order, and it should have not been that hard to find out where she was suppose to be. mom gets a phone call, i swear after being so ugly to me all day she acts like she is wonderful, and the foot does have fracture, so they send her home with a boot and orders to go to ortho dr. i go in her room and say mom if you can not remember who you talk to and where you are suppose to be, and if you lie to the home health and tell them you can not go to get foot xray because you are alone, you make me look like a fool. so i will take the phone and i will answer the calls, i take the phone out of her room and walk to the kitchen. she gets her neck button that she can not push during the night when she falls, cause she does not remember how, and she pushes it and screaming and crying please come get me, she is abusing me. help. help./ i just start to laugh and reassure the daughters it is ok. not to come. but her they come. mad at me. take mother out of the house and home with oldest daughter for the night. so there i am, house upside down with rat cleaning, crying myself. daughter gives me 2 days to get house in order and get out. so i start packing my things, which was alot, and still cleaning mothers house. on the third day, ,my daughter brings mother home, i had put up notes, what i had cleaned, what needed to be done, daughter gets mad, pushes me, rips notes down, tells me it is an insult to write notes like that. she once again takes mother with her. i work like a crazy person, finished at 8pm that night and she brings mother home. so i am accused of mental abuse by taking phone out of the room and saying mother, either you try to help yourself or we need to go look at assisted living. i moved out. have had no contact since sept 6 until adult protective calls me. i did tell my daughter i was going to call when i left because i did not want to be accused of neglect, but i did not call. wish now i had of called them. what do you think...? i have begged daughters to sit down and discuss mothers care with me, they refused. they think she is fine, does not need help all the time, which she does not, but, she is so depressed and on so much medicine wants to lay in bed all day and eat ice cream
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It sounds like you burnt yourself out. Caregivers become more ill than the actual care receiver as a result. Was there noone to help. Respite care, or hire a community helper? Sounds like you should have enlisted the help of your two daughters. I don't know what you are accused of but I would try and get some help with your care taking roles so that you can work on yourself.
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