I've finally accepted Mom's desire to be miserable.
I know that headline must sound strange! I have been "helping" my 88-year-old mom since my Dad passed away almost 4 years ago. I've been on the emotional roller coaster of looking to siblings for support and finding none, and finally accepted that the bulk of the work falls to me -- until Mom becomes unable to perform the tasks of daily living. Then there was the issue of my being reluctant to enjoy my own life. I am a widow as well, and have an active social life. I'd even like to meet someone to be a life partner. But I have allowed Mom to make me feel guilty for wanting to enjoy my life -- and by extension, not be there to spend time with her. I have encouraged her to make friends -- at the Y, the Senior Center, etc. But she seems to be miserably content to sit in the house all day surfing on the TV. I have finally realized that this is her life and I cannot live it for her. I can only live my own. I help her with chores and doctor appointments, but I can't make her enjoy her life without my Dad. It is sad, because she is a charming, energetic, intelligent woman. But she's also incredibly stubborn! I don't know if my sharing this is helpful to anyone out there, but I hope so!