My sister who is manipulative and abusive has just moved in with my mother.

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If something happens to mom, does she get the house? I have been helping my parents for years. As they started to age my family started to pick up some of there responsibilities like yard work and such. My mother suffered with a lot of pain from crippling arthritis and sciatica. My dad did all the running as it was to much for her to do a lot of walking. My dad was diabetic and had heart surgery years earlier. We did not want them doing heavy physical labor. Dad ended up with cancer and I took him back and forth to all his doctors and picked up on the chores they had, doing more and more until Dad became really sick and I moved in with them because he could no longer care for himself or my mother. I prepared all their food and took care of the house. I took time off of work to do this. After Dad passed I stayed with mom for a while to help her adjust to being on her own now. Eventually I had to go back to work, but I stopped by to see mom every Monday morning before work and then I came to stay with her from Wednesday until around midnight on Friday. I called her to check in on her on the days I was not there. My mom loved that I was there with her, we would have coffee in the morning and we had dinner together, we had a movie night and on Fridays I would do her errands, like doctors appointments and banking, etc., I would also cook up a storm so that she had meals to eat until I came back on Monday with some fresh food. Then I would go crazy and clean her entire house and trim her yard up. She wanted for nothing, when she went to bed at night she would look me in the eyes and tell me how much she loved me and thank me for all that I did, that made it all worth while, to know that she was comforted by my being there for her. I took super good care of her, no one could have provided better care for her.

I have two sisters, one helped out, but soon after dad passed away she became bitter and nasty, shutting me out of her life, when we were actually very close. The other sister never helped, she didn't have time for my mother. After a few years my mother started to change, she was shutting me out to. I was the one exhausting my life to care for her, yet she was doing things and never telling me anything about it. She stopped sharing her life with me, and she was never like that before. Never asked about my family anymore, it was all about my sister and her kids who were just like there mother. They spent there lifetime together fighting. They started telling people nasty lies about me, even trying to turn my own kids against me, trying to get to my daughter in law. My kids know the situation all to well. They know what my sisters are like and what their kids are like and who did what for who over the years. My daughter in law (as well as my kids) was also a victim or witness to their cruelty, selfishness and stupidity on several occasions. All they did was turn my family against them , not me. The problem is mom is being manipulated by them. I believe she has been brainwashed. They have both said nasty things about my mother in my presence, like she is taking advantage of the situation and that she is selfish.

My mother never took advantage of anyone, but even if she was I don't know why it would matter to them, they weren't making any sacrifices for her. My mother was crippled and could not do anything really, if she spilled something, she could not wipe it up, she could not sweep, or do laundry cut grass or wash floors or change sheets or any of the many other chores that come with life. I would do that for her because it needed to be done and she could not do it. I also live about an hour away, work full time and have my own home and family with all the chores and responsibilities that come with it. Where did I get all the time, well I neglected my family and myself, but it was all good because we all loved my mother and father when he was here. I sacrificed my sleep and found strength and energy in the love that I had for them. My sister has her name on all my mothers accounts and has now moved into her house. My mother has recently gone through a surgery which she never told me about, her excuse was that she doesn't call anyone. One day I was on my way to work but going to stop and see her first. When I got there, there was a note saying she had gone to the hospital, so I went to the hospital, in the mean time they had called my house wanting permission to do a procedure on my mother. When I got to the hospital they said it was taken care of, they had gotten a hold of my other sister and she took my name off the list and could no longer tell me anything about my mother. I would have to talk to my sister. My sisters don't talk to me. My sister actually hit in the hospital one day. She lied to my mother about. First my mother told my daughter in law that my sister did not hit me, now she says that she only hit me accidentally. It was deliberate, my mother was sleeping at the time. My life is a nightmare. Please help


it is not unusual for a love one to turn on the very person who has been giving up much of their own life to take care of that person. Things get said. Lot of hearsay going around. Lot of snipping and snarling among everyone.

Come on now, everyone has to work as a team in Mom's best interest. I have read too many of these situation where everyone is being pitted against each other. Or is it Mom doing the pitting to put some excitement into her life? Like living in one's very own soap opera.
My advice is walk away from it. The family loves drama. Don't let them drag you down. You served them well. Be happy with that.
Forget the stupid house. Mom is headed for a nursing home and probably going on Medicaid. Medicaid will lien on the house for the full amount of her care.
I agree everyone should work as a team, but that's not how it is. My mother, who was always a best friend has been taken from me by the cruelty of my sister who seems completely in control of my mother. My sister is miserable and abusive and now my mother lives in filthy living conditions. My sister didn't care about my mothers well being, she cared about her assets. I miss my mother dearly and am worried sick about her. How would you feel if your mother was going for surgery and she never told you about it. Knowing at 83 years old she could die, after all we had been through together, all I had done for her, and now she doesn't tell me anything. When you care about someone, like I care about my mom, its not that easy to just walk away from it. I devoted years of my life to taking care of her and yes it was a lot of time, energy, work and money, but someone had to do it. Knowing that my sisters don't have my mothers well being in their best interest and that its all about money makes me sick. One never lifted a finger for her but now wants her stuff. Its like they wanted me out so that they could have everything. They should have been happy that I sacrificed my life to care for her, because they didn't have to do anything. It was easy for them. Its like they were jealous, thinking that I was going to get something extra from mom for all that I did. Newsflash, for all that we did, I never received a single thing, not one penny. I did incur a lot of expenses, that came out of my pocket to care for my parents, well worth the investment, but now I lose my friend, my mother. This is all happening because my sisters are so greedy and selfish that they would tell lies to destroy my mothers life, not to mention mine. This isn't just a case of he said, she said drama. I am really hurting over my mother.
Let me ask you, did mom ever complain about them? Did mom say they wanted her stuff? That kind of rhetoric is "divide and conquer" technique. It keeps the children arguing among themselves. It's the parent's way of maintaining control over all of you. As long as you disagree, she gets things her way. Very common with elders.
Mom had cut me out of her life all together. While I was staying with her she stopped communicating with me but was always talking to my sister on the phone. Then one day as I was getting ready for work, she told me that my brother, who opted to step out of their lives years earlier and voiced his opinion that he did not care about them, that this was his life ( which my sister took the liberty of telling my mother), was coming to take her to the lawyers to sign some papers. I was very hurt as I knew nothing of this. She told me that she asked him because I was busy and wasn't coming to stay with her anymore. Which was a lie, I was always there faithfully every week, for years, busting my butt so she could remain in her house with her cats, living on her own. I lived with her half the week and visited on Mondays. My one sister stopped by on Tuesdays after work and usually on Saturday. She used to complain that on the one day she might fix dinner for my mother, that my mother could at least take something out of the freezer to defrost so she could cook it when she got there. Mom hadn't cooked in years, my Dad used to do the cooking, at 80 years old I don't think she's thinking about that, plus my mom was crippled and in pain, she didn't get up unless she had to, usually to use the bathroom. Just getting into the freezer was a chore for my mother. Both my sisters used to complain about her and they had no reason to, nobody asked them to do anything. Its like if you have a baby, do you take care of it or do you expect it to take care of itself. It was common sense, I knew mom couldn't do these things, so I helped her out. My mom did make a mention that she felt like my sister was mad at her. I knew my sister was angry with the situation. After I had been bullied by them for about 2 years or so, Mom made another comment about being a burden and I did tell my mother some of the things they said. I was tired of them complaining about her and bullying me for being a good daughter. I didn't want my mother to feel like a burden, she wasn't a burden, she was my mother. Like I said, I think they felt as though I made them look bad by working so hard to take care of her, they then became bitter with me, thinking I was going to get something extra for it. I wasn't feeling anything towards them at this point, I was concerned about my mothers well being and if no one is going to feed her or clean her house, I'm going to. We all make our own choices. I chose to help my parents because I love them, but because they didn't want to do anything to help, I deserve to be bullied, I never said anything negative about them, I was always a good sister. I never did anything to hurt them nor did I ever want to hurt them. As for the 2 sisters, the one complained because the other one could never do anything to help, she was all about herself, and that one never had anything good to say about the other ones kids. If anything, I think my mom is upset that we don't get along. I know they have told several lies about me, which really hurts. Accusing me of taking my mothers stuff, which I have never taken a thing, in fact if I was to find a penny on her floor, I would give it to her. I never took anything, but I did catch my sister taking boxes out of her house one day. My mother said "oh she just asked if she could have some stuff" . Why is she taking her stuff, I practically lived there and worked there all these years and I never took or asked for her stuff. Why is she taking her stuff, mom is still her. Mom may be angry at me because I told her some truths that she didn't like hearing. I had kept my mouth shut for over 2 years. I felt mom deserved to know what was going on, to protect her and to defend myself. No one deserves to be bullied, especially for doing a good deed.
OK so your mother obviously manipulates ALL of you with delusions and fabrication. Let go. It's the only way you can survive. Don't ask what he said she said. She lied about you. She probably lies about all of you. Never believe anything a dementia patient tells you.

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