A visit again?

Started by

My no show relatives just called me., asking questions that are none of their of their concern. They didn't care for 12 years. Now they want, The Truth. When is she coming home? Shes going be locked up like that for the rest of her life? Now heres the biggie which I was waiting for, Where are you going to get the money I said " did I ask you for money?" Now they want to be involved with something they never cared about. Now it starts!


Yup, now it starts.

The key, of course, is the money. Are they worried that you're spending their inheritance on something so foolish as your wife's care? Or are they worried you'll ask them to pitch in?

If they truly want to be involved, such as visiting her, taking YOU out to dinner, sending cards, etc. perhaps you should encourage that. It is about 12 years late, but if they are sincere perhaps better late than never. But if they think that gives them any rights to participate in decision-making, you'll have to nip that in the bud.

You know them; I don't. Would having them involved be a good thing or a bad thing?
I've been reading your posts, even though I don't usually have anything to add. However, I wonder if you're a might touchy since you see them as interlopers. Sometimes when things are going well, or just going and going and going, friends a relatives don't feel a need to involve themselves. And time passes.

Now there has been a change. They are showing some concern for you as well as your wife. Not being a fly on the wall, I don't know the context of the question, but it might just well be that they don't want you to bankrupt yourself with this new living arrangement. People are just people. They can be concerned, they can be nosey, they can be loving or whatever. But the most important thing to remember, and it's not always easy, is that ONLY YOU control your reactions to what is said. It's not easy being a caregiver, and I can only imagine how difficult it is taking care of your wife. You have truly carried out the "in sickness and health, for better or worse" part of your vows. Let people help you if they want to, though.
The only thing that they cared about their entire lives is MONEY! After 12 years-they should be ashamed of themselves!
Believe me its the money
Not only were they absent but their 3 grown sons, my wifes nephews never bothered to get in touch!
Nephews? Let is alllll go. Hopefully you have your ducks in a row. It's not unusual, in my opinion, that, when the rubber meets the row, we find ourselves alone. ANYONE who thinks the're going to inherit in front of a spouse is an idiot. God bless.
Richie, having read some of your other posts on the anguish you feel over your wife's new home, I think it would be helpful for you to just put these people out of your mind and concentrate on spending time with your wife, and/or maintaining your own peace of mind.

I know it isn't easy and can be so annoying when meddlers show up with dollar signs in their eyes, but you know their intents, you know they're not interested in helping, so just stop contact with them. Don't take their calls, ignore any texts or e-mails and focus on more positive things and people.
I agree with Garden. Its very easy to ignore people.
Rickie, what is it that your wife's siblings and nephews think they will inherit from her? Are they even mentioned in her Will? If not, don't worry about it [I know it is easier said then done].
Remember, your money and her money is for her care and your care. That is what people plan for and save for. Dear Abby always suggested that when someone asks something so personal, that you reply "Why do you ask?"

My mother is 96 and she would tell you to tell these relatives to "Kissy assy."

At least they gave you something to take your mind off your other problems. ;) But to ask if she will be locked up the rest of her life, is crude, rude and uncaring. Karmah will bite them. Just wait and see.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support