A little practice in boundary setting tonight.

Follow
Share

My niece messaged me that they were coming by with the new baby tomorrow. She asked if it was okay to bring a load of laundry to do. Both were totally okay, of course. It will be fun to have them over and I know my mother will love meeting her new great grandson.

So my mother said that she wanted me to go to the store tomorrow morning to buy the baby an outfit. I told her no, I wasn't going to do that. We had bought gifts for the baby shower, so we didn't need to buy anything extra. She got mad, of course, and started bullying. I just told her no, I wasn't going to do that.

So then she said that "we" would offer to do their laundry each week if they would bring it by. I said that no, we weren't going to do that. They were adults now, so could do their own laundry. Of course, they also would prefer to do their own. Most people do. Well, Mom said that yes, we are going to do it. I told her she could do it if she wanted to, but "we" were not going to.

Needless to say, my mother is not so happy with me tonight. Of course, I'm wondering what turnip truck she thinks I fell off of.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
11

Comments

Show:
Bravo, Jessie. My parents use to guilt me into driving them places and it took me years to finally say "no" and stick to it.... Dad would always use the "I will start driving again" button which I hated.
(1)
Report

Good for you Jessie!!! We were set to go to my husband's parents for Christmas Eve dinner. He volunteered to bring dessert. We went to grocery store in morning together - I shopped for house and he was supposed to get dessert. Got home, no dessert. We met my sister and her mom later in afternoon, exchanged presents, then left to go to HIS parents. When I reminded him of dessert, boy did I get attitude. I sat quietly in the car and chose not to go into the store with him to get dessert when he stopped. He didn't like taking care of those things as the grocery shopping fairy took the holiday weekend off!
(2)
Report

Good for you Jessie!! This sounds just like my parents..always saying "we should do X Y or Z for them. And "them'' are usually siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts that barely give them the time of day nowdays... and "we" always translates to extra work for me.

They also want to be overly generous.. usually with those who are no longer generous to us..and they seem to not get their generosity is actually adding more work for me and not them.

I have my hands full just getting through the day and providing the care that they need.. I don't need any extra work due to their "generosity"

Good work with boundaries .. you need to set them before you realize you have been suckered in ... again.
(4)
Report

Excellent, JessieBelle! My mother also likes to be generous with my time and energy, as in "I promised to being potato salad. Will you (help me) make it?" I think they fail to realize how much effort and sheer drudgery is involved in the day-to-day of just helping them and they want even their most frivolous whims and desires to be carried out by us as well. Good work drawing the line!! Brava!!!
(3)
Report

There is a very special relationship that far supersedes mother and daughter. It is mother and so ac. They can do no wrong and it is always the dutyvifvthe daughther. So when mom doesn't want to excersize or bath rtc. I text one of my four brothers and they tell her to listen to me it's the best thing.
(2)
Report

Rainmom, you know it's hard to leave behind the old child. This nagging voice in me was saying if I were good and if I were kind, then I would do it. I am learning to ignore that nagging voice and realize that I have to be good and kind to myself, too. I can't always live for the convenience of others.
(1)
Report

If "that to her" made no sense, it is because I edited wrong. No need to try to figure out what I was saying. I'm not even sure. :)
(0)
Report

My mother has this habit of getting overly generous when it comes to anything to do with my brothers. She's of the old school when it comes to men and women. It's true that my niece is a young woman, but she's the daughter of the son. I tell my mother sometimes that she doesn't have to impress my brother, but she hasn't really ever gotten that. I know my mother just wants to show her love and generosity and that to her. Pam had it right when she said all the baby really wanted was to be held and loved.
(3)
Report

I'll third the "Good for you, Jessie". It's only been in this past month I've been able say "no" once in a while. And the first time I didn't answer the phone when I saw it was her - you'd think I'd cured the common cold, I was so proud of myself. It felt AWESOME!!! Feels good, doesn't it?!!!
(5)
Report

Second the "good for you, Jessie." Your mother was really in a bullying mood tonight, wasn't she?

If she raises the issue of laundry again, maybe you want to say something like "when would YOU have time to do the laundry and visit with the baby too?"

I know you can hold your own but I just thought that might be nice to throw out, to reinforce the fact that you're not Cinderella.
(5)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Related
Questions