A funny/sad quote from my mother

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First of all, I just need to say that this site is really confusing and I wish it would be redesigned to make it more user-friendly. For example, I am not really "asking a question" now, just sharing an observation, but I can't easily find another way to post unless I "ask a question." I can't figure out how to respond to people's private messages/hugs/etc. It's very hard to navigate - and I work for a digital company.

Having said that, I am glad that I've been able to be absent for a while, as no acute crises or infections have taken place in the past 8 weeks (fingers crossed I am not jinxing that now!)

I must share a quote from my mother yesterday. I was visiting and her aide was talking to me about ordering incontinence supplies in front of my mother. All of these health care people - doctors, nurses, aides - think nothing of talking about her in the 3rd person while she's right there. ARGH. Pisses me off so much. My mom is not completely out of it by any stretch and she hates it too.

So my mother said, "I am incontinent by choice!"

Funny and sad. Mostly sad - the trying to save face and pretend she has some control over something.

Otherwise, I just adore this aide. She goes above and beyond - always cheerful and engaged with my mom, ready to do anything for her at the drop of a hat (such as rush to the store to get my mom more potato chips, as she can't seem to get enough of them lately). A true gem. I was hoping she'd be there on Thanksgiving so we could include her in our pathetic, so-called plans, but, alas, she will be spending it with her own family. So we'll have a sub - ugh. Oh well, it's only one day and my mom won't care much one way or the other. Still, it's hard.


That's funny--she must still have some wittiness in her yet.

I agree, I have posted some funny/positive things on here too, and there is no "question" being asked, just a comment or humorous moment.
My elderly aunt was in the doctor's office with her daughter. The doctor talked to the daughter. "Please tell Mom that she should schedule a mammogram." Aunt said to her daughter, "Please tell doctor that Mom has no intention of scheduling a mammogram."

Why on earth do some healthcare professionals talk about patients in their presence, as if they weren't even in the room? My aunt was not hard of hearing and she did not have dementia.
To put this story in context I have to admit to being from a fairly troubled family, but pretty nice folks nonetheless.

A few years ago my somewhat whacky sister announced to the whole family, “Well it’s official. My doctor says I’m bipolar”. After a moment of silence my mom says, “Well who isn’t!”

I just left my folks after a visit of a few days. Their old tv had died so I got a new one and managed to get through the confusing digital set up and get it working.

The new remote is practically a carbon copy of the old one but they had the damnedest time mastering it. It was like we were programming a neuton bomb.

Called mom from my motel on the way home and asked how they were enjoying the new tv. She said it had gotten much better since all the words now show up at the bottom. They’ve somehow activated the closed caption feature. I didn’t say a word. Will Leave well enough alone.
In the beginning, doctors, nurses, relatives (especially mom's siblings), even the home care nurses would talk about mom as if she's not there. They would talk about her in the 3rd person. My dad was always very quick to nip that in the bud. He would immediately interrupt them, and correct their attitude. He said that just because mom cannot talk or respond - doesn't mean she cannot hear you. Please show consideration to her. As a bystander, I always found it soooo awkward to see them stand there, stunned, and then ashamed face. They always immediately correct their conversation to include mom as a silent participant. When they came back to visit us, they were respectful towards mom. My dad didn't care if you were her sister, her doctor, her case worker. They were to treat mom with respect. I totally agreed with him. I'm glad that I learned so much from him.
P.S. Xinabess, I agree with you about this website. I used to love searching for answers for people who posted here asking for information. I would find what I was looking for, and provide 1 or 2 links to answer their questions. Ever since they changed the website - for the better - I find it so difficult to find the answer to what I know I read previously. A lot of the time, it opens to some advertisement for a nursing home or something. I've given up using the search engine here.

To respond to people's private messages - just tap on your avatar photo on the top right.  Tap on their names, and it will open to their private message board.
Xinabess, if you go to Ask A Question and scroll down to about half way through, you'll see a further option to Start A Discussion. But I'm not sure it really matters which you pick - people join in anyway :)
I remember it used to bug me too when people would act like Mom was invisible. I remember going to our favorite fair in the summer and some woman saying to me."Oh, it's so good that she still gets out, does she enjoy it?" I said she's right here, why don't you ask her.

As for my Mom's doctor, he was very protective of her. When I started having to escort her to her appt's he would always completely ignore me and talk to my Mom. While I didn't appreciate that he couldn't see that I was just being supportive by being there I was secretly glad that he respected my Mom that way.
I've not had a problem with my LO's health care providers and staff ignoring her. They seem to try to make her feel comfortable and include her, though, rely on me for the information. For awhile, I would coach her, but, then she wasn't able to do that, so I would answer, but, include her by saying things, like, is that right or is there anything else we should let them know. She would just agree with me, but, she was included.

I do appreciate the funny quotes. Goodness, knows we need to keep our humor.
Jeannegibbs, I love that one! Perfect!

I've also noticed that people look at my mother in her wheelchair as if she's a baby in a stroller sometimes, giving me that "awww" look. But I know they mean well and I always appreciate how people are so helpful in opening doors and letting us get through. It's just interesting to see how perceptions and behaviors change when someone is disabled - for better and for worse.

And while I'm griping, here's one more: it bugs me when health care providers refer to my mother as "Mom" instead of "your mom" or "your mother." I know that's petty of me, but it's kind of condescending when a professional person uses "mom," somehow.
Xinabess, it irritates me when health care workers refer to my father as my mother! I'm tempted to act like a smart beast of burden animal posterior and wait until they meet him, then tell them he's a changeling and decided to morph from a woman to a man so they wouldn't have so much trouble remembering he's a man.

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