Where oh where did My Sanity go....

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I am probably the youngest care giver here. Being 21; I take care of My 78 year old grandmother.. the only other person that helps Me is My mother and after 4 months of My Grandma living here.. My mom is struggling with it. I don't blame her due to the fact that she (having just gone through a major surgery about 7 weeks ago) is still recouping and doing her best to heal.

The biggest struggle for Me is to remain as posotive as possible when I know that they situation with My grandma is taking a big toll on My mom, emotionally, mentally and physcially.. and in turn.. My father.The envoirment isn't stress-free as it should be in order for My mother to heal quick and proper.. infact its anything but that.

Even though My mother is now able to move around a little more than she was 6 weeks ago, the majority of the daily house hold things are still on Me.. I don't really mind because I know its a help to My mom. However.. the thing that bothers Me the most is the fact that My grandmother doesn't seem to want to do anything.. she grunts and groans when in the presence of Myself and My mother.. complaining about every little ache and pain.. and yet.. she can walk the entire front lawn by herself (living on over an acre) without missing a single step.

I am under the suspicision that she isn't doing her breathing treatments, she misses her pills (if I don't remind her) or I believe that if I don't stand there and -watch- her take them that she just throws them away. She has an oxygen machine that she is supposed to wear every night while she sleeps as she has advanced COPD, asthema both of which contribute to her narcolepsy in more than one way.

A guy of the company dealing with the machine came out just 2 maybe 3 days ago and gave My grandmother a new set of canula's because she was complaining that they never stayed in her nose over night.

In the mornings I go in her room to wake her up.. take her blood pressure and dole out the morning meds and 80% of the time.. the canula isn't on her face.. but tossed to the floor and her machine is still running... she doesn't eat much.. only showers once a week (or before a doctors appointment).. in the past four months she has lost 30+ lbs..

Perhaps its really pointless to just rant and rave about all of this... I don't really know.. but I'm almost at My wits end in regards to what to do with My own grandmother. I've already dealt with having that watch My grandfather waste away... can I really just sit back and watch My grandmother due the same?


3931 helpful answers
You have already had way too much to handle for someone your age. You are a fantastic, caring person, but you need help with all of this. Your grandmother may have dementia and/or depression, which is making her uncooperative. Your mom needs rest and your dad is stressed. I wish I could hug you.

Do you have a pastor, priest or Rabbi - or some other adult -you can talk to? You are an adult, but you are young and you need someone more your parents' age to help you through this. There are care agencies available.

If you go on your state's Web site and look under aging services you should find a phone number. They should be able to guide you to some help from the National Family Caregivers Program. There should be some help for you - but it's not easy to find.

Please try to get assistance. This is unfair to you and hard on your parents.

There are people that I can speak to yes.. however its not as easy as typing it out. I struggle with finding the right words and most of the time when I do find them.. its a struggle to not break down crying. I don't want sympathy or pity I just want to know what I can do in order to help Mygrandmother.

She didn't eat much of anything tonight for dinner and then was constantly falling asleep when she tried to do a breathing treatment.. said she was tired.. but it was something different.. I don't know how to explain it. It just didn't feel right.

Nor My mother or Myself have POA for My grandmother, My mom's sister has POA. She lives in NJ and isn't much help even if she wants to be. I suggested a nursing home to My mother tonight despite what I'm being screamed at from the inside.

I love My grandma.. very much.. I do.. I just don't know how much longer I can keep this up.. and its only been 4 months.

I will look into it, thank you very much Carol.

Dear Megan, Carol is right. Get thee some help, dear. You are a precious grandaughter, and can still be there for all of them, but this is way too much for just you. How about a home health agency to do an assessment, and give you and your Mom suggestions for caring for both your Mom and Grandmother. Some insurances pay for a visiting nurse to come in, or there is the Commission or Area Agency on Aging available. All three of you absolutely need help with this. What about your Dad? What does he say? Someone needs to make a wise decision here, and not just put this all on you.
My father works 6 days out of the week and is gone 12+ hours out of the day at work. He's already under enough stress as is and I can't and won't place anymore on him.

My mom applied for the assistance and My grandmother didn't qualify, I am not sure to the exact reasons, so please feel free to contact My mother about that. My grandmother did have a nurse that would come out and check her vitals for the first 2 months that she was here but that has long since stopped.

My grandmother refuses to be place in an assisted living facility, I don't dare to try and bring that up to her. She didn't wear her oxygen last night at all and was fairly bad off narcolepsy wise.

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