When the elder dies.
My 95-year-old mother died two weeks ago. For the past seven years, my sister, my son and his family and I have been so focused on Mother that the problems we had with her were what apparently had held us together. Now that she is gone, the family is falling apart. Eventually everyone will heal and we'll be a family again, but right now we each need our space from each other. Just want everyone to know this may happen to you, so be prepared for it. Don't have guilt feelings about needing your space, and don't let any of the family put you on a guilt trip because you are not living up to their expectations.