Trying to convince my father that he needs to consider an alternative living arrangement. He lives by himself in a condo and is 85.

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He's starting to misplace things and forget certain things. Everytime I bring this up, he says he's fine where he is. I really want to get ahead of the curve and don't want to do this when I have no other choice. Any advice on strategies would be helpful. Thanks.


Can you go with him to his next doctor's appointment and explain that to the doctor? Or call the doctor? I know my mom is 75 and still in her home. She will not even discuss senior housing, though it would be good for her. Do you have siblings that will back you up on this?
There is also a lot of information on the Web about "aging in place." In-home care is a good interim solution. That way he can stay in his home, he has someone coming by weekly or daily to monitor his health.
I am trying to do this now for my Mom...although, I don't know how long we will be able to keep her in her hom. She is in her 80s too and so far it has worked out okay. I do know that seniors are mentally and spiritually happier in their homes, no matter how nice a "facility" is.
It really depends on an elder's mental state, mobility, and safety.
good luck with your plans
I feel for you skor.....There's nothing worse than a stubborn, especially male, senior who will not listen to reason. I hope you don't live too far from him so you can check from time to time. The fact that he has his own condo and is living comfortably can ease your mind for the time being, but I realize you are trying to get ready for the furture, but your dad just may be hanging on to his independence for as long as he can. Right now as long as your dad isn't in serious danger of falling or a terrible danger to himself, maybe you can check out assisted living facilities, and talk to a realitor about him selling the condo. Selling prices aren't that great right now, but may be in the near furture. Just don't tell him about your thoughts right now. Also maybe you can get someone to come around every other day or so, maybe a social worker, just to check on him if you can't. It's very hard when someone is trying so hard to hold on to what they have. Maybe he finds himself slipping also, and doesn't want to admit it. Just watch him. He may be alright for quite awhile yet. Good luck to you....:)
Fortunately, he lives close by. My mom/his wife passed away about a year and a half ago, and I've been giving him some time. He was the major care giver for her, and I think he deserved to not have that burden. But time has passed and I think we need to begin thinking of the next phase. I'm getting a little pressure from my brother and sister in-law who are not local, so it's easy to criticize. I call him every other day, but looking for places just takes a lot of time -- with a kid and a kitchen remodel and work, it gets tough. Will make a point to at least start researching. Has anyone had any luck with these eldercare consulting firms...or are they just money for nothing?
Skor: I have found that elder "consulting firms" just want to pick your pocket and do very little (at least, that has been my experience.) If you want solid info about various facilities in your area, start with the social worker at your local hospital. They are great people. Then just visit a few and take along a list of questions.
I don't blame you for wanting to get "ahead of the curve" I am the same way. But please do not be pressured by out-of-town is easy to criticize from the cheap seats. If you are the primary caregiver, then it is up to you to make these decisions. If family wants to help let them know that being "pressured" is not helping and ask them to pitch in. Ask them to come for a week and help you decide on a placement (I'll bet they'll be on the next plane :o)
You may want to consider temporary, interim solutions like in-home care a few hours a day - just for respite and to give you a chance to catch your breath. You don't want to change your father's placement just because you felt you needed to rush into a decision.
Take care...good luck
Skor~Although your Dad is up there in age, he possibly may go going thru 'a normal aging process'-with some forgetfulness. If possible, can you have him checked out by a physician or even better a neurologist? If this Can be done-try to make any appointment sooner rather than later-because if he has a dementia, it is best to catch it early on-where it can be treated with more success....Another alternative may be to contact your local agency on aging-to gather any input-or even a possible evaluation.
Good luck!

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