Sun downing

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My name is Bill, I introduced myself the other day and I thought I would add to this site.
My Mom has Alzheimers and is 81. I am retired at 45 and I have been given the roll of caregiver. Sine 2006 I have searched and educated myself on the disease. I have searched for placement and have picked up every piece of information I can. I thought I was ready for the task at hand. Little did I know, I knew little about the actual events that would take place in my life once mom came to live with me.
I found out about Sundowning right away. I didnt know what to think, I thought that Mom was joking and just getting back at me for removing her from her home. I have since learned more about my job as a caregiver and how others deal with it. I sit in my home as Mom belittles me. I'm called everyname in the book. She doesn't know who I am most of the time and say's things like when my son gets here he is going to kick your butt. Im calling the police, Where is my baby he needs me. this is just a small example of some of the events..I am sure all of you can add to this list.
Last night I was up with her until around 3am. At one point I hear the sound of the window opening in her room, then a crash boom..... HELP,, SOMEBODY HELP ME, HELP. HE TOOK MY BABY, HELP. I opened her door and she threw golf balls at me. Holy Crap i thought. How did she get my golf balls. For 81 I have to admit, Mom has a damn good arm
I have been on the net for about 2 1/2 hours now chatting with friends and visiting sites involved with Alzheimers. I rub my head and arm where the assault of golf balls had hit there mark. I look like I just came back from a paint ball game. I tell others about my events in this home so they, people that are caregivers know they are not alone in this horrible disease.
I peck at the lettered keys in front of me telling others How it is. I know it is time for placement but here where I live there is no beds available.I live in the Sierra mountains. I do have help from the County and State which has just started. I read and listen to ANY information I might find. I know my dream of taking care of Mom has reached the end and its now time to help us both and let someone else do this job.
Oh,,, have I told you this job sucks.. No payment, except that I know I have done my best. No benefits, the only premium is Mom's smile every now and then. No Coworkers and The Family I think have all moved to Never never land...
early morning is my favorite time of the day. It is time for me to grab my guitar and relax a bit.
thank you for being here for me, and others who ever you might be I am glad to be your friend.
Hugs,
Bill

3 Comments

Wow! How to respond to your post? Forgive me, but I am feeling grateful that two are receiving care in a Nursing Care Facility. I thank God for their placement, and with the proper medication, they are doing better. And due to the removal of some dangerous narcotics, my other charge is doing better at home, though demands Codeine "for pain." She goes to the doctors about 2 times a week on average, and will soon be up to 5 days a week after cancer surgery. All this and lives 200 miles away from her closest family member (me).

Bill, it amazes me that you have such a grounded and realistic view of your situation. I am sorry about your Mom. Don't know if men process things differently and how it affects you emotionally, but I know it's hard on daughters. My husband is strong and solid in dealing with the cognitive losses of his father, as his dementia takes hold. He helps me through the roller coaster of feelings I experience while caring about and for my parents. Glad you have a support group of friends to vent with and who are supportive of you. And thank you for sharing your experiences on this site. It helps to hear that we're not lone rangers dealing with difficult situations. I can relate to the lack of financial support in caregiving. The amount of time it takes to care for my folk's finances is something I never imagined. I feel as though I'm neglecting myself, my family, and my wonderful eight year old boy. But I am grateful that the physical caregiving is largely done by a staff of well-trained individuals at a nursing care facility. We weren't able to bring either Dad here for safety reasons (theirs and ours). From reading these posts, I think it was best for all concerned that it worked out that way. We visit them almost every day, and have the joy of caregiving, without all the grief and difficulties associated with it. Not gloating here, believe me. But I'm not ashamed, because I am still very actively involved, and am doing all within my power to see they get the best care possible. We provide the love and "entertainment." It is a difficult job, and you are a hero for taking it on! I pray you find a wonderful facility to help you care for your Mom, and release from the awful burden of having to do it all alone. I found that God open doors when we ask his help. May you find that, too.
I hate the thought of medicade but really think the husband would be better in a nursing home there is one nearby which does not want him as a rehab pt. but would take him as placement and it is less than a mile from our church and I could take him there often and our son lives near us and he would be able to see him before or after work and the grounds are beautiful and he would be able to get around in his moter w/c and they have gardening for the residents and maybe we could be friends again if I did not have so much to do for him and I would get the rest I need to keep going.
Austin, that sounds like it might be your answer. You can always try it and see. That time apart might be what you need to think better you know?Best to you, Michele

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