She made me promise no NH. Now she can't be alone. Will leaves CDs to absent brother, house to me. Owes more on reverse-mortgage than worth!

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I don't earn enough to pay for home-health, so I'm doing it myself (to the detriment of my marriage). Cook (she's diabetic and a picky, spoilt eater); clean, bathe, laundry, chauffer, and watch FOX or play cards when she's awake. I'm losing my grip and she crys when things don't suit her! I'm a 48 year old man who's had 5 open heart surgeries. I am ashamed to admit it, but if I could administer the banked money she hasn't squandered, this would be doable. I just know she'll accuse me of tending to her for her "money" HA! and the absent, brother would blow it on himself. I have to worry about every bite I put in my mouth because she thinks I'm being extravagant with her monthly SS.



I am exactly where you are. Everyday im questioned about the food i eat etc. Im not allowed to buy anything for myself except for my evening meal. If i purchase my weekly little bottle of pepsi, mom screams that if i get something special she needs something special too. Theres more, but... to my point..

You need to take care of you 1st. Period. The whining and crying about things not suiting her, well tell her! Tell her what is not suiting YOU. You are both in this together to a point. Sit and tell her of both your finances and if she wont let you dole out her money, then you tell her that maybe she can repay you for HER items or split bills? I mean, as you said, its doable right? but not the way its going now. You have to tell her!!

Dee, I too made a promise, and it damages my marriage, rules my life.stresses my own health( breast cancer 5 years ago). its a very very hard thing to do.. However. you are not Superman.
If she became medically unable to stay at home, what then would happen? who has the POA? I have recently began to snap back when my mother commands me. I am NOT a slave. it she wants a slave she can get one on her own. If your mother believes that she is giving you a fair shake, then perhaps the brother thats getting the liones share of her estate should be attending to his mother on a likewise scale. I dunno it just sounds very one sided to me.
My mother also uses the "waterworks" on me, but I have grown accustomed to them and realise that its just another form of control as is guilt. GUILT is a terrible and damaging form of control and Mothers are MASTERS of it. ~ Nutz

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