Praying for stength each day

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I am 57 and take care of my 91 year old mother. She is legally blind, has dementia and has broken both her hips and wrist. I find myself wishing myself away. I am depressed, and sometimes frustrated. I wake up get her dressed, feed, and washed and off to a senior day care so I can get to work. I had to cut my hours at work to accommodate the hours at the day care. Then home to change her clothes, feed her, and get her to bed. As like the others on my days off is caring for Mom, cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping. To shop I have to get up early on my day off to complete before she wakes. My family members are very little help. They are either working or have their own plans. I feel extremely guilty writing this. I love my Mom, but feel I am spent. I pray everyday for the mental strength I need just to meet the next day. I have no time for my husband and we have only been married 7 years. My mother moved in shortly after we were married. My mother is planning to make it to her 100th birthday. I do not believe I will make it that long. Again as I stated earlier I find myself wishing myself away(nice way to state). I have not time for my grandchildren. I have been waiting a long time for my daughter to have children. She is 37. Now, I do not see them anyway. Not sure how to deal, but I keep praying for the strength.


Hi lese, I join you in that prayer! your schedule makes me realize how much worse my day could be! Your plate is soooo full. You should not feel guilty for writing these things. It blesses me to see that someone else has these kinds of feelings going on. I'm not the only one. I too have grandchildren who desparately need my presence in their lives. During the time I have been pulled into my motherinlaws house, my father fell and died 3 weeks later. I would have rather spent more time with him, instead of being here!!! I will pray for your marriage. You must make some kind of time for him. You are doing a great thing for your mother, never doubt that. God sees your heart and will bless you... trust Him. :-)
Lese. Please get some help. Wishing yourself "away" is a warning sign. Just as your mother needs and deserves care, so do you! All of us caregivers neglect our own needs in some ways. You, my dear, are over the limit. Time to reevaluate the situation and make some changes.

What if Mom were in a quality long term care facility? You might stop by 3 days a week to have breakfast with her on your way to work. Maybe Saturday afternoons you could spend reading to her, or rubbing her back, or just hanging out for a couple of hours. And one night a week go in to tuck her in bed and tell her you love her. If you don't have to do the bathing and the dressing and the changing and the feeding day in and day out, perhaps the quality of your relationship could actually deepen. And you could use some of that time to reconnect with your husband and daughter and to enjoy and nurture your grandchildren.

You need to take practical steps to lighten your burden. And you may also benefit from some counselling. Not because there is something "wrong" with you that needs to be fixed, but that you are in an extremely difficult situation and deserve support from any source available.

Good luck to you. And come back and tell us how this is going.
Lese, I second everything that was said to you in the comments above. When you say you "do not believe you will make it that long" (that is, to the point of your mother being 100 years old), I understand what you are saying. But you are stronger than you least that is what I sense and hope for you. You need to somehow lighten your load and relieve the burden you are feeling. It may sound insignificant, but even if you could take time somehow during the day to sit down and drink a cup of hot chocolate and read one magazine article, or five pages of a book.....just fifteen minutes, but a very nurturing fifteen minutes. It is so critical that we caregivers nurture ourselves. When we get worn down, we see things differently, and can feel more depressed....we need to refresh ourselves so we can have a freshened outlook on our situation. Once you get some rest you will see your situation from a position of more strength. Try to get as much sleep as your schedule will allow. Drink V-8 is healthy and don't have to cut up vegetables, you just drink it, and it will give you strength. Orange juice is helpful too. Know that many caregivers empathize with you and understand. I hope you get a handle on things....good luck.
Thank you for all you thoughtful words. I am a strong person, but at times I do become overwhelmed. I have been looking for support groups in the area, and plan to attend. I do believe it will help to talk to others with similar situations. I will keep all caregivers in my prayers.

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