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Hello everyone! I am new to this forum and very happy I found it. I have a situation with my brother who is "acting up" in more ways than one. My father passed away from cancer at the end of April. His wife, my mother, has Alzheimer's and cannot make rational decisions. Before he passed, he wanted to make sure that I had control over finances and mother's health after he died, so he made me financial and medical power of attorney over both of them. He was of sound mind when he did so, and had my mother sign hers also.

My brother is a chronic freeloader (46 years old), has been in prison for too many DUIs, and just got off of probation last December, just for some background. My father's goal for me was to get mother moved to assisted living as soon as possible, so I focused on that goal. Four days after my father passed, my brother started sending me nasty texts saying that he is "taking control". I went over to the house to get a few things moved to mother's new apartment and he physically assaulted me (shoved me against a wall repeatedly, then pinned me there). It was then he let me know that he got mother to sign another POA (only the financial one) for him. The threatening texts continued to come for weeks after that, but I did finally decide to file assault charges, and I may tack on harassment.

He can't touch any money because I am the beneficiary of that money, and have been a signor on my parents' bank acount for years. My father's wishes were for do exactly as I have, but I need to get some work done at the house so we can sell for a larger profit. However, my brother has essentially taken over the house, changed the locks, and said he will "sell it when he's ready".

Anyway, my question is, since my mother can't make rational decisions, isn't his POA null and void and mine still active since my father was of sound mind?

I believe we might have to pursue legal action, so if anyone has any advice on that, please share.

Thanks!

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Shiner, what a terrible situation. Your mother still has the right to choose her own POA unless she has been officially deemed incompetent. You do have the right to challenge the POA if there is one. The challenge would be based on what is going on. If he was given POA, it does not negate your POA. Your POA would have to be revoked for it to no longer be effective.

I hope you are able to get this worked out. Your brother sounds very self- and other-destructive.
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Shiner - it's terrible that you're having to go through this. But know that you're not alone. There are a lot of dysfunctional families out there - mine included. I strongly suggest you call APS and get them involved immediately, explaining the situation. Personally, I doubt he really has POA and is BS'ing you. I suggest you talk to an elder attorney right away and also get the police involved in getting him removed from your mother's house. Be sure and have your POAs with you when you do this, and if he truly does have a POA, he will be required to show his to the police too. And definitely don't do this alone - invite a friend/cousin/co-worker to go with you (in case you need help AND a witness). Also have a locksmith or someone to change out all of the the door locks and garage access that same day so he cannot get back in unless he breaks in - and if he does, have him arrested for trespassing. He has no say-so as to when it gets sold. You have Financial POA and you are the only one who can sell it. Keep us informed as we care here. Good luck!!!
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if your mother is still competent then its up to her or what she wants done even if you have POA ....good luck definitely a rocky situation...
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Welcome to our community, although this is one I wish I did not have to partake. However, you can get an order of protection against your brother (like I did) and your local sheriff will go over to the house and evict him since you have the only reliable POA. No, your mother cannot legally sign documents since she is incapacitated. I had a brother like that (threatening, wouldn't let me in my mother's house even though he lived there while getting off DUI probation). So pursue legal action against him and keep ALL threatening emails, letters, etc., and DO NOT ever be alone with him. Witnesses are your best solution. I am proud of your efforts on behalf of your parents so keep up the great work! As a nurse and social worker, I can tell you family matters like yours are all too common. (I had the best revenge for my brother - I told him to stop smoking thousands of times, he got lung cancer and died at 55 yrs.). Good luck!
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Did a lawyer draw up the POA for your mother naming your brother as her POA? Did the lawyer determine your mother was sound enough to sign such a document? It would behoove you to get a lawyer who is familiar with elder-care issues. It will likely not be too difficult for you to regain control from your brother given that you are already on the bank account and had previous POAs in place. But I would get a lawyer.
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Thank you all for your replies.

@Maria - a lawyer did draw up the POA, but I hardly think she was with the attorney when she signed it since she rarely goes anywhere.

New developments - I am a signor on the bank account with my parents and have been for years. Yesterday, $3600 was transferred out online to two other bank accounts. We have launched a fraud investigation because I did not authorize those transfers and he used either my father's credentials or set one up for my mother (she has no clue how to use a computer) It turns out that he set up two more accounts for my mother and has moved the money. That money was supposed to pay her rent at her assisted living facility.

The will is about to be probated, and the executor is fully aware of what my father's wishes were, which was for me to be POA over my mother and to manage her care and finances. I believe he might be the only one who can legally stop him, unless the police decide to step in a arrest him for assault. That is still pending.

It's a fine mess - I hope we can get it resolved because it's about to kill my family.
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This sounds like a family horror story that I'm dreading, I also have both POA's but was told that my brother could take my dad to an attorney and have things changed which would force me to take legal actions. My attorney said the other attorney would need to be very careful because if there was any hint of a health or mental issue, he could be sued. I am carefully documenting things and have alerted all of his doctors as to the family dynamics. I pray that my situation doesn't turn into yours. We need to be careful as POA's. My heart goes out to you.....
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And my heart goes out to you, Lilykat. I think I am going to have to apply for guardianship. That is the only thing that will stop him if the law doesn't. You might want to do the same. Believe me - do anything you can to prevent this.
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Shiner, not sure what your state laws are, but we tried to get a POA for my mom, who has dementia, last fall after my dad passed away. The lawyer was very kind and nice and spent an hour with my mother talking with and asking questions but said she could not draw up the papers because my mother was mentally incompetent. I thought because my mother was fine with me being her POA that we could get it, but that's not the case. The lawyer said any lawyer who would draw up POA papers for my mom at that stage could lose their license if it were challenged (by, say, one of my sisters) in court. That is why we unfortunately had to go the legal guardian route, which involves a lot of court appearances and of course legal fees.
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Shiner, guardianship? Is that like having someone declared mentally incompetent? Is not having the doctors involved enough protection? I just wish my brother would crawl back under his rock and leave us alone! I'm with my dad four days a week, work almost full time and have a family. Obviously, I might not be protecting dad and myself enough from what you indicate.
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i'd like to add its a long drawn out process too , maybe in other states is different here in PA we're into this process almost 2 years and a lot of money ...so hopefully you figure something other than this route...good luck
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You absolutely have a huge problem. My heart goes out to you. Can your mom pass a basic competency test? Ex. Who is president? What month is this? Where do you live? You can find examples of these on line. If your mom has progressed beyond that, you probably still have a problem unless she was recognized as incompetent by her doctor. I wouLd talk to him/her ASAP, and find out what he/she is willing to swear to in court. Then, if the doctor is on your side, you can merely go file incompetency . It will depend on the date your brother's power was signed. If the doctor won't go there, you will be in a pickle, and probably a lawyer won't be able to help much, as your mother has the right to determine who cares for her, unless she is incompetent. Good luck!
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Shiner, welcome to the club, there are many kind souls here to support you. I had a similar problem with my mother's husband who had already relieved her of almost all of her funds. I opened an account in with me and I had the bank put a password on her account. No one was able to even check her balance without it. If her doctor agrees you really should consider guardianship. It will stop your brother from being able to do anything. Please consult a reputable elder care attorney soon.
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Thank you, caneel. I am going to consult an elder care attorney tomorrow. In the meantime, the executor is in the process of probating the will, and will remove him from the house. We will see what happens! Thank you all for the support!
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Please let us know what the elder care attorney says!
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All I can say is God bless all caregivers everywhere. For every family there seems to be a situation and some of them are horrible; others go along just fine. I experienced some of this when my Mom died and then my Dad a few years later. Siblings can be so cruel especially when there is money/property. I almost had a nervous breakdown because of the mill they put me through, so I divorced myself from 3 siblings for almost 20 years. Your brother sounds a bit like my brother - a sociopath - and don't ever confront him alone, there will only be one survivor. My heart goes out to you - please get the legalities done ASAP or you will be at this for a long time. Your brother is a sick man and needs lots of prayer and a miracle. Know you are not alone and this site is a wonderful place to find support even if we can't give all the answers. Hugs!
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Thank you all - I will update with elder care attorney info if I get a chance tomorrow. If I can't tomorrow, will do soon! Thanks for all the support!
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Oh my gosh I feel horrible for you! You are in a race to prevent him from stealing you and your mother blind. If you have POA why don't you remove the money from her accounts so he cannot get his hands on it? That is the first thing I would have done while seeking out an attorney to help me file some type of injunction to stop your brother from doing this.

If you mother has dementia or alzheimer's and has been diagnosed with it then she is not of sound mind and cannot give anyone her POA you would need conservatorship over her, but you do not have time to waste in stopping the pillaging of your mothers accounts, you needed to transfer money immediately when you found out what he had done. Time is of the essence here!!!!!!
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Did your father set up a Living Will & a "Trust", for example a "Revocable Trust" in addition to naming you as the Attorney-in-fact or POA? If you are the executor or the Trustor/Trustee, and all your dad&mom assets were transferred over to the Trust, then your brother has no legal right to any assets..... It all depends on the vesting of your property or bank accounts. An attorney-in-fact acts on behalf of the account holder as long as that owner is "alive"....This is the key- It is always best to have a Living Will & Trust in situations like this....... Without knowing your entire situation, I would suggest absolutely in consulting an attorney.
It is always best to have BOTH a Will, and absolutely a Living "TRUST" set up in addition to the POA.... POA is only good as long as the owner is alive.......I hope your father has set up the Trust as well.... Yes, keep us informed....
A Living Trust saves the headache of court probates and proceedings.
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Here's another question - if my father, who was of sound mind, authorized my mother to sign the POA for me, is hers still invalid because she is not of sound mind?

Another new development - my brother's girlfriend notarized his POA and we have learned that this is a conflict of interest according to Texas law, and it could carry consequences for her. She is a big part of the problem too. She is a paralegal and has to have the notary, but she really could lose it because the "power" the POA gives would directly benefit her financially.

I did get the money back and reported fraud. It is now in an account he can't touch.
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I am not familiar with the Texas Law, but my comments above pertains to California Law. You have two issues that are of concern; your POA is valid while your mom is alive because it was established before she had the alzheimer's, and your brother attained his after which maybe revoked because she is not of "sound mind" as you stated. The problem which may occur is after she passes, and if there is no will or trust, your assets and accounts may go to probate and court proceedings because your brother may contest that he is also the heir to their property as well..... Your role as an attorney-infact is to do what is best for their well being while they are alive.....Definitely consult an attorney while your mom is alive.........Caring for someone you love with alzheimer's is already difficult and having to deal with this unfortunate situation is heartbreaking as well....Good Luck to you......
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Well, that's the problem. She was not of sound mind (she already had Alzheimer's) when she signed mine, but my father was (they signed a few days before he died). They both signed their POAs for me at the same time in front of several witnesses and a notary. The executor of the will knows full well what my father's wishes were (which was to have me handle my mother's affairs), and he will handle everything in his power when he is able to take action.
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Another update - and again, thank you all so much - I am about to head out to meet with the Elder Law attorney. She is going to file for emergency guardianship and, given my brother's felony record, he will not be able to contest it. After that, we will file protective orders for both me and my mother. More details later...
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Ugh - forgot to mention that his POA is illegal given his association with the notary. 'Nuff said.
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All I can say is GO GIRL! You are on a roll. Love it!
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I know - and I strangely and miraculously feel so much better! I kind of feel like saying, "Nanny nanny boo boo!" LOL
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So true about family greedy ways. I have a sister whose been incarcerated 3 times and on drugs for more than 30 years. Our parents are both elderly over 80 and in poor health. She has a fake POA and has managed to use it to take money from my parents accounts in the tune of over 50k. I have had to file criminal charges as the document is fake created by her and notarized by some unknown fake person. In the meantime, the only protection I have to keep her at bay is I was able to password protect other accounts. Even a POA cannot access an account with a password!!! Being the beneficiary of the other accounts has been my saving grace, otherwise this fake document would have allowed her to steal everything before the cops could catch her.. Be proactive folk- greedy family's are for real. Believe me money makes folk treat you badly especially when they have the chance to get something they didn't earn by lying and stealing. They will go to no lengths. Too bad h*ll is sometimes their only recourse..
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Each person has the right to give THEIR OWN PERSONAL DPOA to whomever they wish IF THEY ARE NOT ALREADY MENTALLY INCAPACITATED. THEY CAN ONLY GIVE IT FOR THEMSELVES, IF YOUR DAD GAVE YOU HIS AND YOUR MOTHER IS TRYING TO TAKE YOU OFF OF HIS SHE CANNOT DO THIS, BUT SHE CAN GIVE AWAY HER PERSONAL ONE.

HAVE YOU TOLD HER THAT YOU ALREADY HAVE POA? IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU MUST HAVE A "POWER GRAB" GOING ON.
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My brother was "diagnosed" with early on-stage Alzheimer's in 2012. He was taken off his medication by his wife and placed in a facility. There is no attending physician, and she will not even consider any trials. He appears to be at stage 6, and is 56 years old. I have contacted the authorities, the church, and other relatives to try to get him some help. I am told that the medication could help slow the progression of the disease. She refuses. I feel helpless. Any ideas?
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It can be so painful when different family members have different ideas of how to treat a chronic condition. I am sorry for your pain.

Unless your brother made you his medical power of attorney, his wife has more authority over decisions about his health than you do. That is a simple fact.

Early onset dementia is particularly sad (although dementia at any age is awful). There is at this time no cure. At this time there are not even universally-agreed upon methods of treatment. The drugs that are supposed to "slow down" the progression of the disease have not been proven to do so. Some help some people manage symptoms.

There is growing evidence that lifestyle elements can make a big difference in quality of life. Remaining physically active is important. Having social interactions is beneficial. Having some intellectual stimulation is useful. Can you visit your brother often? Can you encourage him to participate in the activities available at his care center? Can you look at scrapbooks or old photographs with him?

You are not in charge of the major medical decisions for him, but there are things you can do to enhance the quality of his everyday life.
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