Parenting your parents.

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Pissed off, pissed on and fed up.


I realize,it is not easy to take care of an aging parent.I have a father with alzheimers and astep mother drug attict.To say the least,my hands get pretty full at times. confusion is part of the aging process and it is not easy for the parent either.Before you complain about all your horrible parents are doing to you,you might want to remember what you did to them. I get really pissed at times because I just know dad is being lazy and is not doing something because he knows I will just do it to get it done.Getting food down him uses up all my calories,sleeping more than an hour at a time is unheard of for the past few years.So yes I am tired all the time. Every day you have to start the same procedures all over again because they do not remember yesterday. SO what? That gives you another chance to try something new,that just might work.Get a calender,start a schedule that is consistant for you and them.Haircut,nails clipped, bath day,brush teeth ,think what you do for yourself and try to do the same for your parent. My father had an accident in his pants trying to get to the bathroom (just pee) the other day,so,I got some fresh clothes and changed him while he was sitting on the pot,wiped his legs off and put some lotion on them and then gave him a hot-warm wash cloth and it was like he had won the lottery. He doesn't have the balance to stand at the sink and wash off and he just is to scard to try it at this point. I do understand all the comments that are posted on this site and my heart goes out to each of you,more than you know. Please try to see things a little more through your parents eyes (not easy) and stop having the pity party for yourself.When you get there age (if your lucky) you will have plenty time and maybe someone like yourself will take care of you. What goes around,comes around. If you cannot take proper care of your parents,really look through every page of this web site and you will find all the answers for the help you need.Get in the phone book and start rooting the foundation of whatever is wrong with your parent,ask the doctor for flyers and or phone numbers of people that can help. I have an egg timer that I put magic marker on the first 10 minutes. When I think I am going to say something I cannot take back,I set the timer to the 10 minutes,calmly say I am going to take an air break and go outside just to breath,watch a bird or just reboot my attitude.
Remarkable post! Thank you for giving me the courage and insight to "keep on keepin on"!!
I don't think you should keep on going. Why go through all this pain. There are ways to provide supports for a parent without doing it all yourself. I feel that a lot of kids do it out of guilt or because of a will. Not worth it. As for children getting older, learn from the mistakes our parents made or are making. Make investments, talk to your children about how you can be taken care of, and sign assets to those people you want early in old age before problems occur. Who says that children have to endure abuse from their parents? It doesn't have to be that way. I did everything for my parents and after my mom died, my verbally abusive dad cut ties with me because he didn't want me to control his life (has dementia and Alzheimer's). A lady took advantage of him and he let her manipulate him. There is no guarantee that what you do will be appreciated by anyone. Leave it to the professionals. I had power of attorney until the woman made him change it. If I could go back, I either wouldn't help and just visit, or I would have sold his home, put his assets in trust, and put him in a home where he could be cared for properly.
This is good post. Yes I try to myself in my moms shoes. She is mentally ill and has dilusions about her present life daily. I have to careful of what I say when she is non compliant in taking her meds. She just threw them away the other day and I told hher i will put her in group home or convalescent home because I cant take it anymore! Im only 43. I need a life....And im waiting on a job to open up! Im in school for Project Management and I just received my MPA in health care services!
I'm with Sarah123 completely. I will NEVER do to my kids what I have endured with my parents. I am planning for my own old age, if I make it! Caring for both parents, by myself, for the last three years, NO sibling support. Dealing with Alzheimer's, nasty dementia and all that come with it. Medicare, Medicaid filing, a self-medicating mother, incontinence, 5 surgeries, church, haircuts, groceries, meds, lawyers, the list goes on. But I was the only one of three kids even willing to try and help them. And now what? I'm exhausted, resentful and hate my siblings for performing the best disappearing act in centuries! So to all those beginning the caregiver life, THINK FIRST about how you are going to do this, who is REALLY going to help you before you get on the boat. Otherwise, you'll where we all are, ready to jump ship!
There is an old saying that goes somewhat like this "2 parents can raise a dozen kids; however, a dozen kids cannot take care of 2 parents". I have no real resentment toward my selfish and narcissistic sisters. The situation is what it is. I have to be the adult (the mean one doing the right thing) of the group and see that Mother's best interest is always the primary concern. It is just so darn frustrating dealing with 3 adult women. Mother and 2 sisters, who live in a dream world.
It seems my own parent is my worst taskmaster!
Caring for my parents is exhausting, rewarding, depressing, enlightening~~I could go on and on. It is THE HARDEST thing I have ever done (have been doing this for 10 yrs with no family support). Would I do it again?? HELL YES, IN A HOT SECOND
If it is affecting your health and well being, then sit down with a counselor or another trusted individual and make the tough decisions.
That's it PLAIN AND SIMPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Blessings
Guess I was just made this way. No matter what I cannot turn my back on my mother. She makes me blow up with the nonsense. But I am doing better. She was a great mom and I know she hates all this too. Very independent woman, she and my dad were really one. When he died in 2005, she just like slipped off the cliff. She still tries to be prim and proper. She tries to read her Bible. I think a lot of it would be better if she wore her hearing aids, but she doesn't think she needs them and can't hear a thing. She is OCD and takes to rubbing her neck till the skin is nasty red and bleeding. It all started with a little fatty tumor which she pulled off long ago. Doctor said nothing is wrong. But the clawing continues.

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