Only Child Two Aging Parents

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I would like to hear from someone in a similar situation. My parents had me in their 40's so I'm an only daughter. My Dad openly said he never wanted me to leave home. They have always been very clingy.

Mom has Alzheimer's for about 10 years now. Ben in Nursing Home 5yrs. Dad lives 11 feets from me in a mobile home. He has given up on life and has mild dementia.

It is extremely hard emotionally for me to visit my Mom, even 1 time per week. She remembers me and sings about me every waking moment.

My Dad has many services coming to help him. I'm not there near as much as I should be but I'm here in case of Emergency. I take care of all financial matters. I need/want to move but can't because have to be near him.

I'm 44,divorced, no kids, on disability recently. Have major depression, fibromyalgia,almost daily migraines,carpel tunnel, etc. I'm in therapy and Dad and I are both on anti-depressants.

They are both such nice, generous people but I still have anger,resentment that they didn't plan at all for their aging years. They are grateful but totally expect everything I do and a whole lot more would be better.

I have friends who have taken care of one parent. They've always had a little help from some part of dysfunctional family so it isn't quite the same. I realize when you have siblings that one usually does all the work and there is fighting but sometimes it would be nice if someone else had a little bit of the decision-making on their shoulders too. I have no extended family. They are older (in 90's) and far away. My grandmother lived to be 108 and other grandparents almost to 100. I don't want my parents to die I would just like some of the GUILT to let up. I never did like being the center of the universe.

I'm sorry this is so much griping. Is there anyone out there who understands?


Hi mip86, I am sorry for all you are going through. It really is difficult. I have brothers but I might as well not because I get no help from them. I take care of both parents too. I just moved my Mom in with me and had to put my Dad in AL. They also never prepared to get old, as many don't. I totally can relate to you. I do have a husband who helps me so much and kids with alot. If you read on these threads or whatever they are called, there is so much information that could be helpful to you. I know there are people who can help you here you will just have to search around the sites. Don't feel bad about how you feel it's overwhelming and you are normal to feel that way. I too have fibromyalgia and stress really makes it horrible!!! Please look around at the different articles, this site is amazing and the people are so caring we all care about you, please keep in touch God Bless.
Thank you so much Micheleangel. I really appreciate hearing someone else's story. I am going to search the site. It looks wonderful. Thank you for your response and kind words.
Hi mip86,

I too am an only child and am caring for my mother in my home. It is very hard having been the center of my parent's universe. They were generous and kind parents and gave me the gift of an education. I work full-time as a teacher, re-married three years ago and have two grown daughters but ultimately it's my responsibility. I have started falling apart and with the help of these newly found friend and some changes that I am starting to make I am trying to get some enjoymnet out of life for me that is not related to my mother's well-being. I can handle all the physical work but it's the emotional that gets to me. It will never be enough - no matter what you do for them in their self-centered world, it's not enough because you can't fix them. If I go out I have to "pay back" in some way. I have tremendous guilt about the quality of her life even though I provide everything I can to make the best under the circumstances. I too wish I had siblings so that I could hand things over completely and disappear for a few days - but I can't. Neither can you. Treat yourself to little things - time alone, a walk in the park try to take breaks from it because it will consume you. You are a great daughter but are not wonder woman despite what you think. Take care of yourself and vent away.
I´m sorry about what you are going through and let me tell you my story, it is very similar. Im only child with my two parent alive, on their eighties and both have dementia in different levels. But there´s more. My husband is unemployed for almost a year from now I´m the only one in the family with a job. I should be doing the caregiving but I can´t. My parents are also in a real difficult economical situation, they can´t afford any kind of helper or caregiver. I´m sorry because I don´t have anyone's help, I have no siblings, My lesson is that I think parents should seriously plan their final years with their only child, in order to help the difficult situation that comes with aging. Sometimes love is not enough, you really need resources to help someone.
Paula, I remember my late parents telling me they never expected to live this long. Both were in their mid to late 90's, thus I was in my mid 60's and 70 when I was helping them.

My parents did plan for those "rainy days" so I was so grateful for that, but I was so frustrated when my Mom refused any strangers in the house, so what good were those rainy day savings accounts. She was either in denial of her own age and her ability to still maintain the house, or more likely just plain stubborn.

I use to tell them who is going to pick ME up when I fall if I am there helping them? I was hoping they would have reconsidered having caregivers around to help.

I really believe our elderly parents still think we are half our age and can do everything. They were also in denial that some of us are in our own age decline.

Paula, see if your parents can apply and be accepted for Medicaid. Each State has their own programs, but each State will offer to pay for nursing home care, so that is an option. I know not everyone wants to move their parents to some place else. I was lucky my Dad, after my Mom passed, decided on his own it was time to sell the house and move to senior living.... he loved the senior living facility :)

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