Nursing home diagnosed dad with dementia and siblings are in denial. They said he needs 24 hr care.

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We have been warned they will report us to the state for elder abuse if we take him home without a plan. He is an alcoholic and ruined his health.
I'm struggling with anger, he put us in this situation and guilt, because he has always harped on us to never put him in a nursing home. He was transported from the hospital to a rehab facility and has been there for 6 weeks. His treatment ended this week and now we are scrambling to figure out what to do with dad.
Barely speaking to my siblings because they are in denial about his score of 10 on the dementia test.


Talk to social services at the rehab. They must find a safe placement. Do not allow them to talk you into bringing him is very clear it would not be safe for him.
There is a discharge planner or social worker at the rehab. Seek her out and have a meeting with the professionals and your siblings. Let the discharge folks be the bad guys and tell you what level of care your dad needs; it could be Assisted Living or it could be Memory Care.

Does dad have resources to private pay? Does he own a home, is he a VET? Does anyone have power of attorney for finances or for health?

Your siblings can deny your dad's dementia (my family insisted that mom was "sharp as a tack" for a long time) but what is undeniable is that a legal mandated reported has told you that dad cannot go home unassisted, for whatever reason. He's no longer safe to live alone.

Get the siblings into the room and let the professionals do their jobs.
Dad would have to have medicaid care. We are told he needs assisted living. I didn't go to the family meeting last night because it's so tense. They know full well how I feel from my numerous texts. I can't argue with those who refuse to see the truth.
And I have power of attorney for what it's worth. There are 4 of us kids and all 3 want to argue with me.
Dad gave my sister his wallet and banking info when he went into the hospital. I have asked her for info twice and she will not tell me. She has been supplying him with alcohol for years. She is his enabler and the one who is really not sold on the diagnosis and she really has a lot of influence on the opinions of the other 2 siblings
You have power of Attorney and you don't have dad's banking information?

I'm not a very patient person when it comes to fools and alcoholics. In your shoes, I would resign my Power of Attorney in an orderly fashion and allow your dad to become a ward of the state.

How do you resign power of attorney?
I believe that you would draft a letter of resignation, have it notorized and send it, certified and return receipt to your father and to the nursing home.

If a lawyer was involved in drafting the PoA, I'd seek that person's advice.

And by the way, I didn't mean to imply that YOU are a fool; I meant your siblings!
Oh yes my siblings are fools.
I just talked to dad. It's hard to believe he has dementia on the phone. But to look at his house is another story.
If I was inclined to stay involved, I'd get a legal consult with an attorney to see all of your options, duties and responsibilities. There should be a paper trail, so, if sister is messing with his money, it should be obvious. I think that's a crime. Anyway, Medicaid or the state program that may help him, (some states have benefits for those who need AL or Memory Care by doctor's order) will require info on their application for income and assets. (bank statements needed or you can sign an authorization so they can get the records.) I'd get legal advice on how to handle troubled sister. Sounds like she may have some cognitive issues too.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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