Not sure what to do about this situation

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I have 6 sibling, but I am the only one who helps my mom clean, takes her out shopping, and spends quality time with her. We have gone shopping together for the last 25 years, but now suddenly that she is diagnosed with alzheimers my sisters are questioning how she spends her money! Occasionally my mom will buy my gas and get me small things because she wants to repay me for all of my help. I would never ever take advantage of my mother and almost always refuse her when she wants to get me anything, but occasionally i'll let her get the gas because I drive to and from her apartment almost every day. I am so angry at my sisters for talking behind my back. I just don't know what to do. I already spoke to one sister and told her my mom has always spent her money that way, and she has enough of it to get her through her life. She is only in early dementia, and I want her to enjoy her life. She is 77 and deserves to have fun. Any advice?


Oh boy the siblings and money issue. Trust me they wouldn't be there if there wasn't any. Try and be above board keep track of all monies on hard copy and talk to them about it. It is so common they want no of the work but will question what the caregiver does with the funds...Best Wishes in this one, lots here understand this one.
I would tell them...that your mom is in charge of her monies and if she gives you some for gas that is HER BUSINESS and not theirs! Geesh...blood suckers!
Thanks for your response. The funny thing here is that my mom is in early onset dementia, so she is still quite aware of her money. I am the one who helps her pay her bills and write her checks. The funniest part of this is that these same two sisters were the ones telling my mom to spend her money! They wanted her to buy whatever her heart desired, but when she suddenly started buying things they questioned what was going on. My mom is so upset with them because she feels there treating her like a child. It's just a bad situation all around.
Worse than a child, they are treating her like an old person who is spending their inheritance. It is uncomfortable for everyone. Remind them she is competent and set down plans for what she wants done with her monies and tell them it is not their business, seek legal help when necessary, you may want to seek power of attorney and be a co signer on the checking accounts.
HAHAHA Thanks PirateGal! I have already spoken to one sister and I was really pissed off! I am the youngest in the family, and the only one who is really taking care of my mom. The best part of it that all 7 of us got together when she was diagnosed and all agreed to what we would do for her, so far, it's me and a sister that lives 2 hours away that have kept there end of the bargain, the others are just to busy (bullshit). She is our mother and has given her entire life to raise us, I just can't understand how they can let her down like this.
Because they can. It really is a complex and messy issue all around, it will bring in all kinds of past resentments and issues unrelated to the situation, Try and stay focused do what is best for your mom and you and get all the help you need from friends family social services. Don't let em box you in.
kristy...don't feel know how many times I have seen folks write out this same scenario....I would keep a sharp eye on everything that you and mommo do. Better yet have a living will/trust written up by an Estate Lawyer. That will settle most of it. Her money is her money while she is still alive...when they loose their faculties is the problem hence the POA and the Health Proxy takes over as well.
Pirate is right, set everything up now while she has her faculties and can tell you what she wants done. It will only get more complicated as time passes. And there are a lot of people who understand what you are dealing with here. I hope this helps.
When these situations arise, either the sibs band together or they all head for the hills except the last one who gets to be "it". Looks like you're seeing this first hand. Pirate and J are right, get to an elder lawyer soon and put in motion what is best for your mother. If you think you're pissed off now, just wait and see what happens as the years drag on. Your sibs have only just begun.
I have one sister. Flies in to see mom for 4 days every 3-4 years. Need I say more?
Unfortunately my mom made my oldest sister her POA. But, this is only supposed to go into effect when my mom can no longer take care of herself. So far, she is doing ok as long as I am here to help her out. It's sad how children can take advantage of there own mom. It is my understanding that my sister cannot touch my mothers money until 2 doctors legally declare her incapable of taking care of herself, and I will do everything in my power to keep this from happening for a very long time. I understand what all of you are saying and thank you so much for responding, I have been feeling so alone in all of this. I just know that my sisters and brothers are in for quite a surprise if they try messing with my mom because I can be the biggest bitch alive and will do whatever it takes to protect my mom. She has been so scared that they are going to put her in a home, how pathetic is that! She has dementia, which is enough to worry about and now she has to worry weather her own children might put her away. I told her I will always be here for her and will not let that happen

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