I feel guilty and selfish because I keep thinking my husband and I will never have a life without my mother!!

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My husband and I live with my 97 year old Mother. We have been married only 5 years. Second marriages for both. I'm 58 and he's 65. I feel guilty and selfish because I keep thinking we will never have a life without her!! She is in great health and I'm so scared something will happen to my husband or myself and we will never be able to live our dreams. It is horrible on our marriage, we are never alone unless we leave the house. Mom never leaves, I have a sister who doesn't speak to me, she never invites Mom to her house, for holidays or just for dinner. Mom invites herself if my hubby and I go away for a few days. She can't be by herself. Sister does nothing, but Mom "likes her best" and doesn't make any bones about it. It is very comforting to see other people in the same boat although I wish none of us were here!! I just wonder when it is ever going to be my turn. I have no kids, nobody is going to take care of me when I get old. I try not to be bitter but it is very hard.
Thanks for listening.
Linda

2 Comments

My 94 year old Aunt has never been married nor has any children but I take care of her just as if she were my own Mother. I care for my 84 year old Mother as well. You are doing the right thing to care for your Mother so rest assurred that the Lord will send someone to care for you when you need it even though you may not even be able to imagine who it could be right now.

I recommend you have a talk with your Mother and explain that you love her and value your relationship with her but that you also love and value your relationship with your husband and therefore, need and want to spend time alone together with him. Then respectfully decline if she persists to invite herself to go along when you and hubby want to go away for a weekend. I would recommend she go stay with someone or at a care facility if you do go away though since she is very old. Perhaps you could make arrangements for her to stay with someone just for a weekend now and then so you and hubby could just enjoy some time at home and sleep in your own comfortable bed rather than having to go away. I hope this helps. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

Blessings,
OnlyChild
Dear Lander2004,

I can totally relate to you since my mom (she's 96) lives with me for the last 3 years. She drives me nuts too but I am sure she doesn't realize how much she drives me nuts. I am also in the process of looking for some respite care so I can get away.(we have a family wedding out of town in Aug)
This site has been so good for me since I haven'e found any nearby caregiver support group to attend. We all feel the same way.....when will this end, when is it my turn (seems like never), stop feeling guilty for feeling angry towards the person. I pray every day for patience and sometimes it is still very hard to make it thru the day but right now this is the way it is.Even though we may have good things happen in our lives, this seems to overwhelm us.
Keep coming here to vent.......Everyone here is in the same boat.
regards,
onenandonly

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