Need some support.

Follow
Share

We finally got moved up to the Pacific Northwest about 2 month ago. It's been a crazy time, but we love it up here, and love being close to family.

About a month ago, I was just glancing through ads, and saw one for a part time job, 2 days/week, doing EXACTLY what I used to do (which is unusual). Mom was taking a nap at the time. On a fluke, I responded to the ad. Before she woke up, I'd been hired after not working for 5 yrs.

Now I've been working a month and it's been working out find. Some days, when I get up at 6:30 am I wonder what the heck I was thinking, but for the most part I really do like being back at work.

Then last Tuesday a terrible wind storm hit Spokane, where my mother-in-law lives. She's 92, and my husband's cousin A lives with her. A is an alcoholic, but at least there is someone there. We got a call that night that one of the big Ponderosa Pines had come down on the house and cracked the roof and the ceiling. A was drunk, as usual. Their neighbor told them not to try to come out until morning because electric lines were down.

I went to work the next morning and my husband was with my Mom. I texted D later in the morning to find out about his Mom, and he called me and said, "Mom found A dead. The neighbors found Mom wandering the on the street. The house is uninhabitable. I have to leave today". He waited until I got home from work, then took off. The next day my brother watched Mom while I went to work.

We don't know yet what happened to A, although there was diarrhea all over, and the medical examiner has said we need to get professional medical waste cleaners in there to take of it, so possibly c.diff.

My MIL still is out of it. She's not understanding why house isn't fixed yet (2 60' trees falling on it and half the town destroyed makes things a little slow), and she's refusing to accept that the food in her refrigerator is no good any more. Her bedroom looked like a hoarder lived there, and we're coming to the conclusion that she needs at the least assisted living. Clearly, she can't stay by herself even after her house is fixed.

My problem is this - we've got her temporarily in a cousins house, but that won't last long because they're already taking care of one elderly ALZ parent, and have felt for some time that D should step up more with his Mom. They want D to bring his Mom back here. The problem with that is, my Mom doesn't live with us, we live with her. It's her house. And she has made it clear that she doesn't want D's Mom living here. She's welcome to come stay for a short time, but we have 3 bedrooms, and my Mom wants that 3rd bedroom for her guests when they come to visit.

Right now I don't know when my husband will be back. The city of Spokane hasn't even cleared the tree enough so that the power company can come and get the power back on for that neighborhood (this happened 3 nights ago). He still will have to deal with the biohazard remediators and insurance company as well as funeral services for A and short-term placement for his Mom. My brother and his wife are leaving town on Wednesday (one of my 2 days/week that I work), so I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my Mom. We could be running into this problem for several months, as D may have to live up there for awhile. At this point, I'm tempted to quit my job. I'm just not sure. Advice appreciated.

Eve

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
19

Comments

Show:
Insurance adjuster told my husband "you won". When he looked confused, she told him, "you won the award for the worst damage I've seen so far". Structural engineers have deemed the house unsafe. No one allowed in at all until repairs have been made. It will have to be totally re-trussed. Now my husband won't be the bad guy when he has to keep telling his Mom she can't go home. No one can go in. Good deal.
(4)
Report

Glad to hear that plans and contingencies are being developed, but I'm even happier for you that you'll be able to return to your job! That's wonderful news!
(2)
Report

So glad to hear you will get to keep your job, I know mine keeps me sane most of the time! And that you are looking into placeing MIL. You and hubs keep your comunication going and hang in there!
(1)
Report

Today they got a crane in and lifted the one tree off the house. The insurance company got on that because they knew rain/snow was coming tomorrow and they wanted to get the hole covered before then. My husband said that once the tree was off, it was clear that they're going to have to re-truss at least half the house - it was crushed. The tree in the alley that took out the power has still not been removed - that needs to be done by the city.

Mom is safe and warm in our cousins house for now. They just don't want to keep her for months, because they already take care of their mom with Alzheimers - they don't need another, and I don't blame them in the least. They have been warm, gracious and welcoming in this crisis.

Calling the Lutheran Family Home is definitely high on the list. He's already talked to ins. about temporary housing, and it is covered (that's when he called me and asked what I thought about a long distance relationship for awhile). He will stay with his mom until she gets placed in assisted living. He's also talking about bringing her down here in assisted living if she doesn't have a policy in place at the Lutheran Family Home. He's going to discuss all this with her after Thanksgiving, giving her a little more time to adjust.

As for the job, they've basically given me a leave of absence. They told me that the job will be waiting for me whenever things settle down. I got a big hug from my boss (who also has relatives in Spokane) and she told me that everyone loves my work and they want me back. I hope this hiatus won't be more than a couple months.
(0)
Report

eguillot, first off glad to read you finally made it to the Pacific Northwest, it was quite a journey getting there. I know you wanted to move to be closer to family to help you out with Mom but I bet you never counted on that storm to happen and now your Mom-in-law needs your help, too.

I agree with BlackHole above, hang onto that job and to get Mom-in-law on the Lutheran Family Home waiting list. Regarding keeiping the job, even if you have to pay someone to come into the home to help Mom out while you are at work.... down the road you will be glad you did.
(0)
Report

Such a stressful scene for you and your husband. Get on the horn pronto w/homeowner's ins to see if they'll pay for MIL's temporary housing. Hopefully yes. Regardless, next call is to Lutheran Family Home. Get her on their list immediately. MIL had assisted living (in a sense) with A in her home. MIL needs to graduate to another supervised situation; one that does not involve your parents. There's also a decent chance that MIL's double-whammy loss (home and A) will send her to a new level of confusion. Very common with old folks. And do everything you can to hang onto your job. I, too, specialize in something odd.....I know how hard it is to fall into a perfect fit. Perhaps there are faith-based groups in your area who can help you creatively fill MIL's "care gaps" during this transition time? Or hire a teen or nursing student for periodic companionship? Hang in there. And try to get some sleep!
(0)
Report

The Girl Scout's building on Ash has been set aside for "medically vulnerable adults" says the Spokesman Review newspaper.

It's going to be a while yet before they get that kind of a mess as you described cleaned up, for couple reasons. Requires several services and probably only cut off a small # of people, so low priority. The Police chief and power company president are also both still out of power, too. So just a bad deal. You sure have my sympathies! Keep fingers crossed it wasn't cdiff. Much easier clean up. Cost less, too.
(2)
Report

There are actually 2 trees down on my MIL's house. The one tree fell across the front of the house, breaking the roof and entryway and doing most of the damage to the house, the other tree, in the back of the house, fell across the alley and took out the power for the neighborhood. The city still hasn't come out to remove the tree from the alley, so the power company can't get the power back on. Until they get the power on, no one can come in to do clean up. Not sure it's really safe for anyone to be in there right now anyway. It's sort of a Catch-22 - it's not safe for the cleaners to go in because of structural integrity, but it's not safe for construction people to go in because the cleaners haven't been there.

I'll keep you posted.
(1)
Report

E- We are in N Spokane. Yes, Shadle is out. Originally they were saying 3 days, then after the weekend, now saying after Thanksgiving for some. Dangerous, challenging situation. Her resistance....maybe go have a 'free' lunch at a couple of these ALFs. My M and MIL are together in one of them and they get along there much better than they would in a home alone, or with staff. Lots to do, others to see, people watching to do. Her safety is really a serious issue. Supposed to get extremely cold. Sure hope it's not C diff. BAD deal. Dealt with that w my M. Crime scene cleaners, the whole bit. Ambulance workers need to know if/when she falls. Take care and best wishes. Keep us posted?
(1)
Report

Nothing to add but my well wishes.
(2)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Related
Questions