Need encouragement

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My 83 yr old mother with AD( was told it is significant by dr after testing her) has been living with me since June '10 and hasn't driven on her own since May '10 as we have changed her car key out and usually drive her where she needs to go. She has got lost on different occasions near her own home and I had to direct her home on the phone. Once she got to the other side ot town. Due to this I knew it was coming soon to talk to her about driving even the dr said she shouldn't be driving. I have been rpeparing for the deaded talk for the past months and it finally had to happen as she was trying to go out on her own around my house and I sat and gently talked with her that I was concened about her safety and others. I tried to be gentle and explain my concern for her and she finally got mad threw her keys down and stormed off to her room. I know in my heart I did it like I have been reading to do it and feel it is best due her AD and other medical conditions but it still doesn't feel good to have your mom storm off mad at you. :-(


Don't you think in her heart of hearts she knows you're right? Even if she thinks you're full of it, you did the right thing. About 5 years ago here in Oregon, an older woman was driving and forgot where she was supposed to be going. They found her car on a logging road about a week later. The car was locked, and she froze to death outside of it. She shouldn't have been driving, someone should have taken her keys and she'd probably still be alive. You did the right thing, you might have saved your mother's life, who knows?
You did the right thing. This role reversal business is never easy. But we must do what is best for our parents. Your mom is not in her right mind and you are. After I moved my parents into my home, 3 1/2 yrs ago, my mom was spitting mad at me for about the first yr. She had agreed to the move but hated me for it. Now she is to ill to put up much of a fight anymore. She did eventually admit to me that she knows she and my dad could not live alone.
We do the best we can, so don't fall into the guilt rut. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You are a very good daughter.

Thank you both for your words. It just makes common sense any way I look at it and it is just dealing with the emotions and like you all said having to parent my parent is no easy way about it. I tried to explain to her the reasons for her safety and others but doesn't matter. I know what I did was right ....... now waiting to see if I have to explain to her again one day soon
Reasoning with parents that have dementia doesn't seem to work. They just can't comprehend anymore...(but don't realize that) You have to just try to do what you know is the best for them. I've been thru it so I know how hard it can be.....You have to remember to keep telling yourself that they aren't in their right mind anymore...
So sorry it is hard to have your mom mad at you but , you did the best for her health and safety. Remember that with Alzheimer's it is not the mother you once knew and loved it is ALzheimer's that has taken her away. Yes your decision was the right thing to do and talking to her may have helped depending on what stage od AL she is in.What you experienced is just one of many hard decisions that you will have to make on her behalf. Stay strong and God Bless !
A few years ago an elderly man in Venice Ca careened through a Farmer's Market killing some you are doing the right thing. Just say mom...just let me drive you like a chaufeur...and relax and take it easy...make it simple make it fun.
It really is a terrible feeling. I went through this with my Dad last year. He shouted and pouted and was generally a pill, but the last time I was down to FL to check on him he told me that it really was a good thing that he decided not to drive anymore.

You have done the right thing. As you know, your mom is safer not driving, and neither of you will ever have to face the dreadful event of someone else being injured because of her driving and having a crash. Its hard, I know, but try to remember that when you are feeling like a bad daughter, you are coming from a place of love in stopping her driving.

Wishing you all the best. AD is a hard road to travel with a parent. All we can do is the best that we are capable of on any given day.

MD Lady Tenor
It's a tough time for everyone involved when dealing with AD/dementia. Your mom knows she shouldn't be driving, she knows she gets confused.....but she forgets she knows. You did the right thing, and it's perfectly normal to feel guilty and upset about her reaction. Take a deep breath, put a smile on your face (however forced it may seem!), and treat and love your mom the same way you always have. Just don't give her those car keys back!! And maybe, by the morning, she'll forget she was ever mad at you.
We did this to my Dad and in his moments he knew it was the right thing, he stayed mad for a few weeks and tried to find the keys to no avail, but we stood strong and eventually he stopped asking, was he defeated, yes. But by then we were onto something else. Don't take her being mad at you to heart, she isn't angry at you but at herself because she knows her independence is leaving slowly, driving was and is a big thing to all of us, it keeps us free, Give it time
I do hope things are going well. Please post an update, we care. Every time I read a post on 'taking away the car keys' I am reminded of how difficult it was for my mother to 'give up her car'. But after she was 't-boned' (hit from the side) my BROTHER decided to just put her car in the shop for repairs and she was never allowed to drive again.

It didn't stop her from 'wanting' to drive, so every time we went somewhere I would ask her if she wanted to drive, and she would just say, "NO... its ok.. I would rather just let you drive, you are taller than me! (funny but true story).

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