My parents neighbor in independent living. Not my problem but I have to deal with the fall out with my parents.

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This isn't really my problem but it doesn't help my parents ability to accept their limitations. My parents live in independent living (which they would not be able to handle at all without my very close supervision).

Their neighbor has been complaining about how much she hates it there and wants to move back to her hometown ever since she got there last summer. She has several adult children and grandchildren close by and she has several medical issues in addition to some slight memory issues (that I noticed anyway)

Well.. she managed to BUY a house in her hometown... and is moving back this week. No children live there and it is about a 3 hour drive for her children. OMG..... I am just now trying to get my parents to accept where they are .. now they are thinking.. hmmm.. if she can do it.. why not us?

My mom said her children should help her so that she can be happy!! She is certainly not seeing this from her children's perspective.

I feel so sorry for her children.. I have seen that they are extremely unhappy with this turn of events. They had her set up in a nice independent living environment close by them.. and even sold her old house. So she was already downsized.

I guess there is really nothing they can do to control this.. I do not see this ending well. Again.. not my problem but I have to deal with the residual fall out with my parents.



Too bad our parents can't think of the vise versa.... back when they were living in their single family home and a neighbor was moving into a retirement village. Good grief, why can't they use the same idea when that happens??? "Hey, sweetie, Marge is going to this great retirement place, lets see what its about, maybe we can move there, too." Of course, that rarely happens :P

Katie, good luck with your parents wanting to follow their neighbor back to the wonderful world of home ownership.... drop hints like "well your neighbor will once again have to pay for property taxes, homeowners insurance, mortgage payments, worry about the roof, worry about the lawn, lack of transportation, etc.
And if you up to some tough love, " hey you guys, you move out of here don't count on me to come running". If I ever get my folks in care I will never reverse that, no matter what it takes. Things sound tough enough for you now. Do not let this happen. H*ll, tell them all sorts of horror stories, true or made up, about what has befallen this lady since she moved.
My sister's MIL is in a small senior's apartment,she moved there with her husband before he died, but she still dreams of owning a home. She is currently waiting to have hip surgery (it has been delayed due to complications) and seems to think that once her hip is better she will be able to do all the things she can't manage now. She seems to forget that she is over 80 now and a new hip is not a magic wand that will give her the energy she had 10 or 15 years ago. Sometimes I have to chuckle to myself when my sister calls about her problems with her MIL because I see her being slowly sicked into a role that she rejected with our own mom ;)
I may be a cold hearted b!!!ch, but if my mother did something like that, I'd say "goodbye and goodluck". If she's competent enough to buy a house, then she can deal with the consequences down the road.

The minute my mother's "independence" started taking a toll on my mental and physical health, we moved her to independent living. She's now in a nursing home, and let me tell you, it's still lots of work. If your elder is not willing to cooperate, I don't understand all the "catering to" that folks do.
I agree with you Babalou. I think this woman expects for her children to still come running when she needs them. She was talking to my parents about buying her house and all the red tape involved just today. I'm hoping she starts having some regrets...but the wheels are already in motion.

I have noticed that her children have stopped comming by since she decided to move. I hope she doesnt try to suck me into helping her..she is trying to be extra friendly to me and my parents...ugh..
Just say "no, I couldn't possibly do that." It's a very useful phrase.
KatieKay, oh I hope your parents don't follow suit and think they can easily go back to living in their single family home.

My parents are in their mid-90's and are still in their home. Every day I have to say to myself "it's their choice, they have to live with the responsibility of their choice".

My parents are struggling physically with trying to keep up the maintenance and cleaning of their home, and I am just a bystander watching.... I help when it is within reason, but I refuse to keep enabling them to stay in that huge house. Now if I could find a way to keep Dad from climbing ladders to fix things :P
Freqflyer..i know what you mean about Dad was always wanting to climb up on the roof for this or that.

My parents are at a point where there is no way they could live independ in a house..they are a full time job for me in an apartment as it is. They really should be thankful for the independence that they do have..of course that isnt always the case.

Unfortunately I am still enabling them to bypass hiring a Mom sulks like a child when I even begin to bring it up. Its so hard for me to stop enabling them so much..i guess I have guilt about having them leave there home in the first place. I know i need to draw the line with them and set some boundaries.

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