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I am so depressed by offering my home for my mother to live in. Ever since she came to live with me, she has done everything to ruin my life by telling me that no one likes me, etc.
I have done everything for her, but she is so controlling...
I am so depressed and destroyed by her hurtful words.

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My family are trying to control ever aspect of my life. I am 30 now, i have two properties freehold which they rent out and get money for, those properties are in joint owenership with my sister who is married and lives elsewhere. My parents and I are living together in a council house but they have taken control over the properties and continue to subjugate and treat me like i am worth nothing. They forced me to get married in the UK (Islamic marriage only), they wanted me to register my marriage with her so they can totally take over the properties which i didn't realising there was something wrong. As soon as they realised I wont the kicked me out of the house knowing full well I wont have anywhere else to go but my wife's concil flat. I then went to the freehold houses and managed to convince one tenant to start paying me rent instead. After they discovered I was going to take the properties over my father came and took me back to the family house.

Now It seems like my wife continues to give me trouble in a effort to mentally affect me, its as though they are trying to destroy my health and emotionally damage me to such an extent that I become weak mentally and physically so I am no longer a threat. I have tried getting a concil house and then focus on getting my properties back. I am in financial difficulties and they know I cannot afford court proceedings etc and I am in a weak position that if i make any moves they can put me on the streets. Furthermore, my wife, whom now I have a baby boy with has managed to use social services to keep me away from my baby boy and my family know full well I cannot do anything. I had a good job working at a University but they put me and still are putting me under so much stress that I resigned from my work one and a half years ago. My family know by my wife and child being away from me I am emotionally unstable and I will not be able to stand up on my own two feet again for me to become a credible threat. Can someone please advise me on what one can do in this situation.
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I reading posts and your comments remind me of my mother. She pits me and my sister against each other from childhood. Never corrected my sister for any wrong against me as we grew up. If she didnt want to do anything she didnt have to but I had to do it. Ive whated her lie and manipulate all my life. She called me trifiling and belittled me growing up. Her and my sister while I did things she was suppose to. I turned to God at a young age because she told me she despised me. The way she said it made me want to look it up in dictionary. My heart sunk to my stomach alot. I was in denial all my life about my mother in sister. Now my siss and I dont speak x years. Ive had enough betrayal. anyways its worse dont see it getting better. Now my nephew in it. They say she dont want meals on wheels but my mom tells me different. Its ashame they dont see the game and that her manipulation has now begun to hinder her care. I love her so much but I dont know how to handle.I reached out and got this type forum. It helps I just wait for more responses. Also I pray and call prayer hotline and it works.
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my mother control my salary and then ruin my life for decades just to financing my older sister abroad
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I'm an young adult, Who have just moved into my own flat. I have a very busy life
and currently helping out a local charity and church.

So from ten o clock on wards on a Tuesday my feet do not stop. here how is looks.
7:00 -8:00 Breakfast
9:00 dress prepare my bag.
10:00 Support.
10:30-11:15 Church coffee morning.
11:15-12:00 Lunch.
12:30 Cycle up to pdsa.
1:00-4:30pm On the till.
4:45-5:00 get home,
5:00- 6:00 get tea.
6:00-7:00 eat tea.
7:15 cycle to drama
7:30-10:30 Drama
Back home around 11pm
Bed.
Here's the problem my mum want me to get up a 6:00am so I can walk the dogs
and if I refuse I'm the one in the wrong help me. I'm I doing anything wrong?
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Yeah, right. I am still waiting for those "weapons to stop prospering" for 10 months now. Also, sometimes $4000. a month assisted living or $8000. a month nursing home is just not an option for some people. Sometimes there is no family to help. It is easy to be idealistic about what other's should do when things work out in one's own world, but we must remember that it may not work for other people.
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I feel so sorry for you, my prayer go out to you. But you are not stuck sometimes you have to step back and let her go to a nursing home or assistance living you have your life do waste it being depressed remember no weapon form against you shall prosper
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Pure.. move your Mom in with the adored sisters.. pronto. Tell them she wants to be with them.. and give them a date. That may shake her up! She moved in with YOU, not the other way around!
Heart.. can you do the same? Are any other family around? Do not let her ruin your life
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My sister died on her 70th birthday, trying to take care of Mother. Mother will be 96, tomorrow and is healthy and happy in the nursing home.

I tried to tell my sister not to answer every call, not to go over every day and not to listen to all of the put downs.

I visited Mother a year ago and I dressed up, for her birthday. She said "What are you dressed up to represent?" So, I live 1500 miles away and I have not went back. She would try to tell me when I could come and go and where I could stay.

I am 61. I don't want her to put me in an early grave.

Good luck and I hope you can move your mother's out, tomorrow.
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My mom moved in 12/19/2014 and that was the biggest mistake of my life..My life mimic's all of you. I have never been so unhappy, depressed, anxious, isolated, miserable. I took the responsibility with love and now i regret it..I am sooo tired mentally and emotionally. She has threatened to tell all these lies on me to destroy my life..She has several times wished me to have a stroke as she did. She expresses a level of envy about my life because I did not go to her for anything as my sisters did. She has always treated me different but I have always been there for her. I have no peace and no respect in my own home and now I have no place to escape!!
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Thank you Katie... I believe this is true... I guess we can't change them and it is best to walk away from the situation and go on with our tasks. I work on myself every day to do this and to 'try' and come away feeling 'good' about myself in my caregiving daughter role. I know the stress from this is very bad for all involved, so I have to stay 'clear' as much as possible. You put it in good perspective Katie and I really appreciate you sharing with me. Blessings to you and your mom...
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Heart, I go through similar times with my Mom. I think sometimes they resent the position they are in and being helpless, and so get mean to the caregiver. My Mom seems to recall every dumb, bad, or embarrasing thing I did as a kid onward....yet forgets what she ate for dinner yesterday. I just try to detach emotionally at that point and get the task done that I am doing, and leave her be for a little while to watch TV or nap to diffuse the situation. I don't forget the comments completely though...and it remains in me and I keep telling myself that everybody has done dumb stuff in their lives and she is doing this because of the predicament she is in.
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Heart, your words about your mother turning things against you made me think of mine. I don't tell my mother anything about me that has any meaning. She has always, and still does, use information as a weapon against me. So I am very secretive with her. I can talk about things with friends and total strangers, but I've learned better than to tell my mother anything. A good example is that I've run across a man who I like a lot. If she knew about him, she would be pushing me to grab him fast and marry him. And if it didn't work out, she would use it to point out what all my shortcomings were. It is best to just stay quiet.
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Sometimes you confuse captain.
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two of the most educated women i know ( both sporting masters degrees ) have confided in me at different times that frankly women suck and they dont like them . words like petty , jealous and vindictive were thrown around in both instances . i refuse to allow myself to generalize to that degree and i keep looking for females to prove them wrong . not much luck yet . i keep meeting women who are super nice as long as things are going their way then turn into hissing snakes when their manipulation no longer works . probably why i think so much of my deceased mom and my ( still living ) 91 yr old aunt . they at some point reached a degree of maturity that few people ever obtain .
i gave my helper and her daughter a ride a few weeks ago . my helper came out of the house carrying a little bitty 13 inch tv set . when she tried to put in the truck bed she found the truck bed to be a little high . her daughter asked her if she should ask me for help to which heather replied " i shouldnt HAVE TO ASK " . ive never backhanded a woman right out of her shoes before but i had a sudden empathy towards her boyfriend who had done just that only a few days earlier .
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HI! I can relate to this.My mom moved in 18 mos ago.She is so abusive and it got to the point that she started getting phyiscal with me.She wants to isolate me from everyone and has split my kids away from me and my whole family by telling them that what she does to me that i do it. It all came to a head before christmas when she beat me in my front yard. I have decided to sell my home and move just to get away from her.She has been told in past to stay away from me before yet she will not respect that nor any of my boundaries.I pretty much figure that my relationship with my kids is now destroyed same with my sibblings ect. I am a new widow and I am just going to pick me up and move to a new place go back to grad school and live my life. I am also starting Codependents an. To help me work through the parts of me that it would be ok to allow her into my life and to the point my whole family is destroyed now.I did try to talk to her and I did try to set the boundaries the two foot away is a great idea and be consistent on your boundaries. Get out and do things for you. It is not your responsibility to entertain her nor to be her only source of socialization. That is what rest homes are for. And think about it what happens when she is gone and you have not taken the time for your own life? What happens to you
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Some moms are like that. Mine is one of them. Mean, controlling, argumentative, manipulative, and abusive. The more we do for her, the worse her demands get. But the moment we don't do something she wants, war! A real nightmare to be around. Mom cares about mom, and demands it all be about her, with little regard for the thoughts and feelings of others. It's not right, and she's not right, meaning, she's a very sick individual. She makes life miserable for her loved ones, but puts on a show for others. So that's part of our story.

How about your mom? Has she always been like this to you, or is her behavior something new? When you write, "she wants to make me like her...no appreciation...turns everything against me... You describe my mother. I can understand your confusion, having lived with such a person. I've heard from others, "It's not your fault!" and "She's pushing the buttons she created." It takes a while to see that we aren't the cause of our mother's ill treatment of us. And that there's something we can do about it.

Sounds like you need some good counsel, and a battle plan. First, know you're not alone, and there are answers. Take your time, don't act rashly, and be rested before making a decision. I hope it helps you to vent here, and that you'll find some of the answers you need to know how to handle this difficult situation. Praying for you, and know God cares! Me, too.
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Thank you... My mind is so messed up by her character... She wants to make me to be like her... She has no appreciation... and, turns everything against me...
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theres no way to live like that . it would make you depressed and so sick and it could make ur health go down faster than your mother would .
you could start telling her either she starts showing some apprecations or shes going somewhere eles . she prob dont want to live with you and thinkin by takin you down that you would kick her out ?
you neeed to stand on your 2 feet and start takin some actions . nobody deserved to be talked down like that . show some appreactions or its the highway ...
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