My mother is ruining my life by trying to control me

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I am so depressed by offering my home for my mother to live in. Ever since she came to live with me, she has done everything to ruin my life by telling me that no one likes me, etc.
I have done everything for her, but she is so controlling...
I am so depressed and destroyed by her hurtful words.

18 Comments

theres no way to live like that . it would make you depressed and so sick and it could make ur health go down faster than your mother would .
you could start telling her either she starts showing some apprecations or shes going somewhere eles . she prob dont want to live with you and thinkin by takin you down that you would kick her out ?
you neeed to stand on your 2 feet and start takin some actions . nobody deserved to be talked down like that . show some appreactions or its the highway ...
Thank you... My mind is so messed up by her character... She wants to make me to be like her... She has no appreciation... and, turns everything against me...
Some moms are like that. Mine is one of them. Mean, controlling, argumentative, manipulative, and abusive. The more we do for her, the worse her demands get. But the moment we don't do something she wants, war! A real nightmare to be around. Mom cares about mom, and demands it all be about her, with little regard for the thoughts and feelings of others. It's not right, and she's not right, meaning, she's a very sick individual. She makes life miserable for her loved ones, but puts on a show for others. So that's part of our story.

How about your mom? Has she always been like this to you, or is her behavior something new? When you write, "she wants to make me like her...no appreciation...turns everything against me... You describe my mother. I can understand your confusion, having lived with such a person. I've heard from others, "It's not your fault!" and "She's pushing the buttons she created." It takes a while to see that we aren't the cause of our mother's ill treatment of us. And that there's something we can do about it.

Sounds like you need some good counsel, and a battle plan. First, know you're not alone, and there are answers. Take your time, don't act rashly, and be rested before making a decision. I hope it helps you to vent here, and that you'll find some of the answers you need to know how to handle this difficult situation. Praying for you, and know God cares! Me, too.
HI! I can relate to this.My mom moved in 18 mos ago.She is so abusive and it got to the point that she started getting phyiscal with me.She wants to isolate me from everyone and has split my kids away from me and my whole family by telling them that what she does to me that i do it. It all came to a head before christmas when she beat me in my front yard. I have decided to sell my home and move just to get away from her.She has been told in past to stay away from me before yet she will not respect that nor any of my boundaries.I pretty much figure that my relationship with my kids is now destroyed same with my sibblings ect. I am a new widow and I am just going to pick me up and move to a new place go back to grad school and live my life. I am also starting Codependents an. To help me work through the parts of me that it would be ok to allow her into my life and to the point my whole family is destroyed now.I did try to talk to her and I did try to set the boundaries the two foot away is a great idea and be consistent on your boundaries. Get out and do things for you. It is not your responsibility to entertain her nor to be her only source of socialization. That is what rest homes are for. And think about it what happens when she is gone and you have not taken the time for your own life? What happens to you
two of the most educated women i know ( both sporting masters degrees ) have confided in me at different times that frankly women suck and they dont like them . words like petty , jealous and vindictive were thrown around in both instances . i refuse to allow myself to generalize to that degree and i keep looking for females to prove them wrong . not much luck yet . i keep meeting women who are super nice as long as things are going their way then turn into hissing snakes when their manipulation no longer works . probably why i think so much of my deceased mom and my ( still living ) 91 yr old aunt . they at some point reached a degree of maturity that few people ever obtain .
i gave my helper and her daughter a ride a few weeks ago . my helper came out of the house carrying a little bitty 13 inch tv set . when she tried to put in the truck bed she found the truck bed to be a little high . her daughter asked her if she should ask me for help to which heather replied " i shouldnt HAVE TO ASK " . ive never backhanded a woman right out of her shoes before but i had a sudden empathy towards her boyfriend who had done just that only a few days earlier .
Sometimes you confuse captain.
Heart, your words about your mother turning things against you made me think of mine. I don't tell my mother anything about me that has any meaning. She has always, and still does, use information as a weapon against me. So I am very secretive with her. I can talk about things with friends and total strangers, but I've learned better than to tell my mother anything. A good example is that I've run across a man who I like a lot. If she knew about him, she would be pushing me to grab him fast and marry him. And if it didn't work out, she would use it to point out what all my shortcomings were. It is best to just stay quiet.
Heart, I go through similar times with my Mom. I think sometimes they resent the position they are in and being helpless, and so get mean to the caregiver. My Mom seems to recall every dumb, bad, or embarrasing thing I did as a kid onward....yet forgets what she ate for dinner yesterday. I just try to detach emotionally at that point and get the task done that I am doing, and leave her be for a little while to watch TV or nap to diffuse the situation. I don't forget the comments completely though...and it remains in me and I keep telling myself that everybody has done dumb stuff in their lives and she is doing this because of the predicament she is in.
Thank you Katie... I believe this is true... I guess we can't change them and it is best to walk away from the situation and go on with our tasks. I work on myself every day to do this and to 'try' and come away feeling 'good' about myself in my caregiving daughter role. I know the stress from this is very bad for all involved, so I have to stay 'clear' as much as possible. You put it in good perspective Katie and I really appreciate you sharing with me. Blessings to you and your mom...
My mom moved in 12/19/2014 and that was the biggest mistake of my life..My life mimic's all of you. I have never been so unhappy, depressed, anxious, isolated, miserable. I took the responsibility with love and now i regret it..I am sooo tired mentally and emotionally. She has threatened to tell all these lies on me to destroy my life..She has several times wished me to have a stroke as she did. She expresses a level of envy about my life because I did not go to her for anything as my sisters did. She has always treated me different but I have always been there for her. I have no peace and no respect in my own home and now I have no place to escape!!

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