I am 22 and my mother is living in MY house and won't move out. Her excuse is the economic situation.

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My mom is 49 years old and wont move out of my house! I am married, 22, in the AirForce and my mom wont go. She blames her situation on the economy, if you want a job bad enough you will get one and for the past year she does nothing but leach off me and boss me around in my own house. To make matters worse she has an alcohol problem that she wont admit to. I need help!!! I cant take it any more.


Can you give her a date in maybe 3 weeks to be out of the house and find someplace to stay and to get a job or to apply for benefits and then just change the locks on the doors-you have the right to decide who lives in your home you might have to have to go to a lawyer and have her removed from your home she must have a relative or friend to stay with. How did she come to live with you in the first time.
Well I would love to kick her out but if I did she would be homeless and that is my biggest problem. Yes I want her to leave but at the end of the day she is my mom and i love her. She has no other family she was put up for adoption at a real young age so her only family is me. She applied for benifits and was denied :( My situation is so complicated why cant she just grow up and do what she needs to do to get by
You didn't mention about your dad, her husband. Did she have a job outside the home while they were married? Is he still around and can he help you motivate her, or at least know the buttons to push to motivate her? She's young enough to maybe go back to school for something, thereby getting her out of the house and around people again. Maybe that would get her used to the idea of getting back on her own again. If she were ever 'on her own' in the first place that is.
Unfortunately my dad was a deadbeat. The school theory is a good idea I have thought about it alot since her skills revolve mainly around cashier/retail backgrounds. My only problem with school is who pays for it? I have the MGIB through the military paying for my school, but is there a company or someplace out there that will give her a grant of some sort?
I think what is called for here is tough love in reverse. Usually, it is the parents who are trying to get the kiddos off the sofa.
If your mother is physically able to get around and work she should not be "leaching" off you and your husband. Look at it this way, if you did not exist, she would have to find solutions to her own problems. (and the reason she may have been denied benefits is because she is young and able to work.)

It is not your responsibility to get her off the alcohol, find her a job, or get back to school...but you can certainly help motivate her to transition into positive areas. I would do as 195Austin suggested above and give a 3-6 month deadline and then stick to it. In the meantime help her find work opportunities (Walmarts are always hiring) and a new place. As with raising children, be consistent, firm, and fair and do not buy into "guilt-tripping."
good luck
Can she go live with HER parents? Do you live on base? Can you put it on the military and tell her that you can't have "non-dependent" family staying with you longer than two weeks? It's a tough situation and I can't imagine why a healthy woman of 49 - which is near my age - would want to live with her kids!!? If she's bossing you around that will only continue - it's probably the booze but also the parent-child relationship.

You don't mention your husband - who must be a saint to put up with this. Which is more important to you? Sorry to make you choose but that's what it might come to at some point. Don't push him out for a boozing mean woman.
Yes she bosses us both around, he only puts up with it because he knows the situation and loves me. I dont live on base and the military denied her as a dependent :( She was put up for adoption so she has no family but me.
Please don't take this wrong, any of you:

Grow up and stop letting your controlling mother run you and your husband's life. Let's get down to brass tacks.

I don't mean to sound harsh but take it from someone who is divorced because of a over controlling mother. Man if I could do all that over again things would certainly bedifferent.

A man has to be a man in his own home. He should be crowned King, and his wife Queen. There can only be one Queen in the castle so get her out before your castle crumbles.

Stop using put up for adoption as a crutch. I'm sure she can make friends and such. If that's a pix of her, she's very attractive and is in her prime, (I can relate to that, well sort of).
Sorry if I'm late to the party here. I've had the same problem - Mom telling me "I just need to get out of town for a couple days" and showing up with bags, telling me "You promised me I could stay with you for 6 weeks!!" and 6 months later, there she is on the couch telling me she's out of creamer for coffee and I'd better go to the store. And take her laundry with me since I'm going.
That was one of many examples of this happening. SHe has fibromyalgia, which some would call a psycho-somatic disease, except there are clearly physical problems associated with it, so maybe its much more. REgardless, its been 15 years since the 1st time she showed up at my door with no money, no plan and no place to go. Each time I get out of it, I feel as though the next time is just around the corner so I can't get too comfortable living anywhere as the answer to your issue is forthcoming:
The only tried & true way to get her out is to tell her you have to move, then go somewhere she can't follow. Like stay with your deadbeat dad for a few months "to save money" or something. In the interim, its AMAZING what she'll accomplish for herself when the option is to be homeless.
Now, in truth, this is a multi-step process.
1) Start saying "Making rent is a problem. This isnt working".
2) Tell her you need to move out. you can't afford to live here any more. (IMPORTANT: YOU CANNOT SHARE YOUR BUDGET WITH HER)
3) Give notice. Tell her what the timeframe is going to be.
4) Move in with a friend or somewhere you're being "taken in for a few months" and cant take her with.
5) If she doesn't find an apartment, you now have some extra dough since presumably youre compensating your friend/deadbeat dad, but not as much as an apartment/house would cost. You may have to find her a place to live.
6) Help move her in.
7) After she's been there a couple months, move into a new place of your very own.
TO be noted is the fact that she WILL MOST DEFINITELY try every trick in the book to make her new place unlivable. And that's why there needs to be a window of time between when she moves in and when you get another place. Even then, you'll hear about how abusive it was to not bring her along, and how horrible you are for "making" her deal with things alone.
YOu just need to get out. This felt good to write. I bet its WAY to late and you will never read this. If you do, I'm curious how things worked out.
I agree with everyone! If she is leeching off you, first off tell her no more alcohol! No more enabling her drinking. Stop buying the booze!

You have to take control of your life now if you expect to have any kind of future. Time to grow up and face facts as harsh as they are.....you may love your Mom but your Mom is only using you!

You and hubby should talk to the chaplain on base and get his assistance and guidance.

Best of luck!

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