My mom lives in New York, she has alzheimers and is not functional at all. My father is an alcholic and cant care for her.

Started by

My brother has power of attorney but does nothing for her and lives with them and contributes nothing. I want to bring my mother to Florida to live with me. Please tell me what I need to do to get legal custudy of my mom.
Thank you.


My guess is that you need to understand the law where your mother lives and Florida law. I think you can call your state's Bar Association to see if you can get a pro bono consultation with a lawyer in each state.
Best of luck,
You can have joint POA with your brother stated as either or.
You have to seek guardianship over your mother and for your mother. It should be filed in the state where SHE is domiciled. Then you can go from there if it is granted to you.
3930 helpful answers
Hi Sophie,
Good advice from soneal09. This will take some legal work since your brother has POA. I hope you can get something through, since you obviously care. It won't be easy, but please try to see if you can find an attorney to help you. Do as mentioned, and try the bar association in your state, as you want the right kind of attorney and an honest one. If you can't afford one, they may be able to help you get low cost or free help. Good luck with this complicated issues.
I've heard of a similar situation actually being escalated to the Elder Abuse Hotline, and the state stepping in to sort it out.
Another friend is a conservator, which, in that state, is overseen by Probate department. That has been such a nightmare for her, despite her ongoing devotion to her family member that could not manage on his own, that it has kept her poor and unable to get a full job to meet her experience because she spends so much time, not on the family member, but the conservator job. If guardianship can be arranged, that would seem possibly less restrictive, but it must depend upon laws there. In any event, the time involved to actually sort out issues and make positive changes is exhausting. Take a breath.
Get an Lawyer that just does elder cases. That is the first step. Good luck.
You may be able to find information and even forms online. Your brother may actually be relieved that you want to take it on, and it will be relatively simple. In my Mom's case, because she had dementia at the time of change of power of attorney, it became a big legal mess with the county involved, and even they could not step in to claim POA without court hearing. The county took conservatorship, and they would not do that unless they could have both financial and personal.
You didn't give us enough information. What are your resources and how much time to you have to devote to the process of transferring her to your state if you are successful - either in talking to your dad & brother, or going the legal route if it is contentious.

You may see from this site that there is alot of angst about caregiving - if you are truly willing to roll up your sleeves to care for her, are able to put your ego and family issues on hold indefinitely (which is essential if you are dealing with a family member with dementia). People start out with good intentions and it unravels as they deal with the reality until they are reduced to posting how much they can't handle being a caregiver at the wee hours of the morning. Best advice anyone can give you is to be honest with yourself about your abililties & intentions and then consult a mediator - you may be lucky and find a mediator who is trained in probate law and has had experience in dealing with this type of problem. It is not a simple conservatorship problem .....

Not everyone is up to the enormous task, so accepting that you may not be ready for it does not mean you don't have options in helping get your mom better care - so go slowly and do your homework. A trained mediator is worth their weight in gold in situations like this. Whatever you start is not reversible, so weigh relationships as well as legal issues, your true goal is your mom's care; your father's wellbeing, and attempting to keep your family as intact as possible when the conversation about your mom begins.

Good luck
One thing I found out that in florida that the elderly come first.. however since there is a power of attorney and your dad can not help. the power of attorney may not be legal at this time. each state has its each law and there are so many hidden facts. If you fell your brother is not doing the proper job, you first can call in socail services and make sure you get a lawyer ASAP. The social service is very sttrick and may have to elect some one from the court to help out. But do you belevieve is right you do want mom to get the correct loving care I was luckly every thing was done with the most legal manner in 2000 before mom got sick with the alzheimer's. My mom is in a local hospital in florida soon to die from the illnessher poor body is shuting down. But she is getting the proper love and care.that god could give her. There is a lawyer listed on this web site ask him a question it shows up from time to time there would not be any harm. You can also call elder call and PROTECTIVE SERVICES. I have taken care of mom for 10 years back and forth from Florida to New York, taking leave of absences and then had to leave my job in 2005 to complete the sale of her house and finally get her moved to florida in 2007. All the money has gone to health and care. patricia61
3930 helpful answers
Great ideas here from everyone. You are the best!

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support