My father has given hundreds of thousands to scams. I have tried to stop him - he is so agitated when I see his mail

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Do you live with your Dad? Has he been diagnosed with dementia?
No, I live in town with my husband. My mom died of Alzheimers about 2 1/2 years ago. He has true dementia - yes, he has been diagnosed.
My mom passed away 3 yrs ago and left a large sum of money naming me and 2 of my siblings as beneficiaries. Dad was furious and accused me of going to the bank and putting my name down. Regrettably, mom always believed in having a joint acct. just in case and Dad was able to keep it all to himself putting it in an annuity. He is 87 yrs old and I pay all his bills and handle all his affairs. He has early onset Alzheimers suffers from severe depression and drinks heavily every day (at least a 12pk of beer daily) He has total control of his checking acct. and takes out thousands of dollars at a time. He has lost his wallet full of cash several times. Much to my despair, he refuses to go into an assisted living facility (he lives w/a caregiver) who cleans up after him. I lost my job of 10 years because of him - I feel much resentment at times but I am constantly reminded that we are to honor our mother and father (they put up with me when I was young and got in trouble). Hopefully there will be some of the money left when he's gone.
Goodleep,,, oh my goodness.

That is incredible hundreds of thousands? .. what is his name and address? Just kidding.

My aunt had hundreds of unopened trinkets she had bought but never opened .. I guess it was a place that just shipped things out every few weeks because we didn't have the Internet back then.
maraljake, at least your dad put the money in an annuity. But everything else about him sounds like he's out of control. I hope he doesn't spend/lose the rest of the money and leave you stuck with footing the bill. I gotta hand it to you, losing your job because of him and all the rest, well, I'd be more than resentful. You really have your hands full.
At least in my case, I've always said that the hardest part a about this job, of caring for my father, has been managing his emotions. That's it in a nutshell. Don't know if this is the case for others on this thread. Dealing with the dramatic and profound changes in my father's once-beautiful, classy personality ( due to brain disease; obviously not his fault) has presented me with the toughest challenge of my lifetime. I never know when "Mr. Hyde" is going to burst through, and it keeps me on edge whenever I'm with him. I can say something seemingly safe to say, even positive, cheerful things----and for no logical, rational reason sometimes it just sets him off into a rage. It's always startling and jarring to my nervous system, I have a feeling other caregivers here can relate to this. At the same time, I love him like nobody else can, and I"m glad I'm his primary caregiving manager. I love him deeply and thank God I can still "find" his spirit there to love. I have learned to tune out the ugly side of him that comes out, leave the room, etc. because obviously it is painful, and it is not productive for him or for me to engage any further when he gets into one of his rages. I believe some day in heaven all of us will find out what God's will was in all of us, and that we will receive a just reward. One thing I do know, is that this job has given me the chance to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt how much I love my father and how far I will go for him.
My mother, who had Alzheimer's had contributed so much money to contests, had piles of mail on the kitchen table. She threatened to call the police if I opened the mail. She was no longer able to go shopping at one point, so I refused to enable this, so I would not buy stamps for her. If she did write a check for a large amount of money, I put a stop payment on it (I had power of attorney over finances). When she had to go to a nursing home for rehab after a fall, since she lived with me, I had her mail go to a Post Office box, and changed my phone number to an unlisted one. She received no more contest mail and no more phone calls asking for money. Also, by the time she came home from rehab, she was no longer able to write checks.
These people come out of the woodwork when they know that they have latched onto a senior. My Mom kept getting small checks from a catalog company where she made a single purchase. Come to find out by signing the check she was actually agreeing to purchase some sort of cruise discounts. (of course, this was in tiny print). They billed her credit card $90.
I called them, gave them a piece of my mind, told them to reverse the charge immediately, and then filed a complaint with BBB. What creeps.
You just need to take charge. Set up an online bill pay with a reputable bank. Have mail sent to you or PO box. Give him only the mail that is "safe." Report anything suspicious. These creeps do more than just ask for money, there may be some identity theft going on. Check his credit report (its free, 1 per yerar) and then, if necessary, put a 90 day fraud alert on his credit. That way, anyone trying to take out a loan etc. has to show photo ID before the institution can complete the transaction.
Can you believe that we have to do something like this to protect ourselves and others?? Just another job to add to the list.
My uncle was doing the same thing...sending checks to everything that came in the mail...guess he thought he had to from what my cousin told me. I asked him why he did not put a stop to it..and said he would get mad etc etc. Baloney...bravo to LME above you have to take matters into your own hands and stop the madness somehow.
Sad but true! We can't trust everybody.....And since the economy has slowed down, we have to be even more on guard as some people will take advantage of a situation that will get them some cash.

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