My brother lives out of state, and thinks mom is doing "fine", but she really needs Assisted Living.
Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a little over 2 years ago. Over time she has been getting worse, with very significant changes this last 6 months. After many stressful discussions my brother finally agree to letting me have a home care giver in. We started with several hours a day, but have had to go to 5 days a week. I bring mom to my house most weekends, as without someone around she doesn't take her meds or eat right. She also is supposed to use a walker for a worsening spinal issue, and is very unsteady on her feet. Her doctor thinks she really should have more continuous supervision and has suggested Assisted Living. Mom refuses to even consider the idea, saying that the doctors and I are crazy, and that there's nothing wrong with her. She now is at the stage where she gets very confused, can't really focus on a meaningful conversation, gets frightened very easily and is very agitated most of the time. She gets angry and mean for no reason, and has started accusing others of all sorts of things. My brother, who thinks he's an expert in everything comes to visit for a couple days, and bases his "assessment" on a snap shot in time. As of a few months ago she was still able to "fake" her way through the visit. He agreed to visit an AL with me while he was here, and totally rejected the idea of moving her because he "just can't wrap his head around it". He then proceeded to tell her where we had gone, and of course she totally lost it. She tried to lay huge guilt on by saying that if we put her into a home, she'd run away so no one would find her, and probably kill herself. He told her that we just went to "look" and that it would be a very long time before any decisions would have to be made. He is being totally unreasonable, and tries to block every attempt at discussing it. It's not easy for me to make this decision, but in my head I KNOW it's the best place for her. My heart aches at the thought of her not cooperating and making the move even more difficult, but is know it's the time to do it. How do I get my brother to understand that he's not seeing the day to day behaviors, confusion, agitation, anger and depression, and that being with a care giver is not the best way to keep her active and engaged. She loves people (or always has), and makes friends very easily. She love's being social too. But she's already pulling away from her friends some and many of her activities because she is very aware of how she's changing, but is still openly in denial. If she were in an environment where activities, staying engaged, and socializing with people her own age, and with similar interests, she'd do so much better. ANY SUGGESTIONS??