My Mom's (84), depression was helped very much by Remeron but once she got better, she threw it out and refuses to return to the Doctor.

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She has since returned to her depressed state and spurns all offers of assistance. Would appreciate any advice.


3930 helpful answers
Is there a pastor, priest or Rabbi who she respects? Sometimes a good friend or a professional can get a person to do something when the family can't. The problem with depression is that when a person is really depressed, it's hard for them to want to do anything -and that includes going to a doctor.

It's so sad that she had something that worked and she stopped taking it. A third party is all that I can think of. I hope someone can talk her into it.
Thanks for reply, her friends have been trying to help to no avail. I will try other sources. We want to allow her to stay in her house as long as possible and so far, enough though she is on the couch most of the day, she has been eating, barely, and paying her few bills. She is not eating and drinking properly and claims that she "is not going to make it" Problem is how do we convince her she needs help. Logic and reason have been fruitless. Thanks
Canonbob--my 86 year old father acts as though he's depressed too. He firmly resists considering taking an anti-depressant, saying that drugs like that are a lot of "hogwash." Now that Dad is living in a senior community, his depression has lifted somewhat , because of the socialization. Running into people all the time can't help but lift depression, even if just a little bit. I don't know if a senior community would be possible for your mother. I agree with Carol (Agingcare expert) that a respected third party is a good way to go to convince your mother that medication would be helpful. When my husband and I were trying to get my Dad to stop driving, we were not successful until we enlisted my uncle's ( who is a physician) help in telling Dad it was time to hang up the car keys.
Sometimes it is helpful, when talking to the elderly, to call something by a more euphemistic name---For example, instead of saying she is "depressed", you could say ( or have her doctor say) that her "system is sluggish", or something like that.
Good Luck!

If I were to define depression, I'd say feeling low for a long time. For many, medication is useless unless the underlying causes are addressed effectively. In her case, she's apparently afraid of dying and neither Remeron nor any other substance that serves to mask depression is going to work. Don't take this the wrong way, but if she practices one of those monotheistic religions that promise immortality after this vessel we call a body is gone talk to the priest, pastor, or rabbi. He/she might help her stop feeling sorry for herself and accept the fact that no one lives forever. Keep us posted.

-- ED
Thanks for your inputs, it has been helpful. A bit more about her depression. I didn't want to go into the causes in my Mom's case but of course there are some and valid ones. Depression does not strike suddenly from above but rather swells slowly from below. Are medications the cure?, No, but hopefully they can help you get back on your feet long enough the address the root causes. In her case re-intergation into her church and social activities, which she has totally forsaken, should help. Is some of this driven by fear of dying? I think the opposite. She is tired, feels like she is living in an alien world from the one she grew up in, her husband and friends are gone, etc, ect. My siblings and I Love and Respect her so it is difficult to see her curled up and afraid of her own shadow. We want to help and feel that we and the doctors can help. Finessing her into getting involved is thr issue, forcing her into it may make things worse. Thanks again.
I just talked to my Dad's doctor on the phone today. He said that he had broached the subject with Dad at Dad's last appt. about seeing a psychiatrist and taking anti-depressant medication. Dad resisted it, and the doctor didn't push it. The doctor says he'll try again at Dad's next appt. The situation isn't urgent, in that I don't feel that Dad is "suicical", but I do feel that an anti-depressant would be life-enhancing for him ( and for us, his caregivers). He would be happier and more positive. I am finding that it is important that I communicate with Dad's doctor. This may be helpful to other caregivers out there.
Getting my Mom to to the psychiatrist last year was a long and drawn out process. All involved suffered except for the psychiatrist who talked to us for twenty minutes, smiled, said I know what is wrong and we can fix it. To my surprise, after a week on the medication, she did fix it! Problem is, Mom figured she was cured, threw out the meds and refuses any follow up even though is has since regressed.
She will not go back to any doctor and I believe is still a little mortified that she actually had to go to a Psch. to begin with.

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