My 86 yer old mother refuses Assisted Living; She lives alone. I have Durable power of Attorney. I am afraid if I place her in A.L. she will

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become depressed and combative. She has numerous health problems and some dimentia. Any suggestions?


Place her where she is going to be sfe and cared for. If she does not like it, she will get over it when she sees the care she is receiving. My MIL was a difficult woman and wanted nothing to do with it. One month later, she was too busy for her daughter because she had friends and didn't want to miss Bingo!!!!!!
find a good homecare agency to come in her home and take care of her 24/7. She will do very well and you will have peace of mind.
Do you have medical POA? I think it would be stronger for getting her into an assisted living place and keeping her there than just the Durable which I think only deals with finances. She sounds like my mother in law who demands her cancer fighting daughter to look out for her because she lives right down the street and is the type of person who would alienate anyone that my sister in law would hire to take care of her mom. No wonder the book "Mommy Dearest" was written!
Get medical POA and banking(financial) POA as well as real estate. I have all three and make all the decisions. Set boundaries, stick to them and be firm. Don't become a doormat!!!!!!!!

I have a great agency;not all are so good. Look and ask friends and community members for recommendations. It took me three times to find the right one.
good luck
Been there - done that...and you might be suprised it may be easier than you think. Yes your Mom is resisting, as she does not want to loose what indepence she has left. Her health issues will be evaluated, and taken care of by the nusing staff. You will probably have more peace of mind knowing that she will be looked after 24/7--and eventually, she may even become more active. Her combativeness may even disipate. If you have a facility in mind, go for a tour, ask questions, and present the answers to your Mom (if possible)---It is a big step, but a win win situation. The AL facility-can probably guide you through this transion.
So.....Why put her in an Assisted Living facility if she doesn't want to go? Some day she may allow that, but not now. Call The Visitng Nurse Association or another in-home care company and let someone in to take care of her everyday. How would YOU feel if the situation were reversed? Have you visited these places? Visit after six p.m. or late at night and you'll see a different story than the up-beat daytime exercise classes and dining room atmosphere. Not so nice, huh?
Here is the other side of the issue. If she is not making wise, clearheaded decisions, then she cannot adequately speak for herself. You are the one who needs to do what is best. What is best is not always what they want, but it is what is needed. Many nursing homes and AL are very nice and well run. Don't settle on your first look, do your homework. Private care is great. We have it, but it is very expensive. Visiting Nurse will only come if there has been a change in her condition or she has recently been in the hospital. I have had them here many times and they are wonderful, but limited.
Most of all, don't feel guilt if you decide on placement. Just like a child who does not want tot go to school, we know they must go. We reverse the roles as we age and it is not easy on any of us. Take care and good luck.
hey everyone...I appreciate the advice and kinds words. Here's where I am with Mom. She has agreed to a private nurse to come in once a week for med checks. That alone is huge victory because I sense she is realizing she DOES need some assistance. Also, I have persuaded to get an evalution from a geriatric specialist (M.D.). I had to "lie" and tell her the physician specializes in bladder infections in older women (I know...but I have to get her evaluated). I am hopeful that the evaluation will provide me both management tools for her care, and possibly lead pharmaceutical treatment to calm her down. Mom's mental state goes from normal to agitated depending on the day. She has been diagnosed with early dementia.
Good luck. Do you have any help with her? Look into your local Senior Services office and see what is available.

This is wonderful progress. One more suggestion. If the doctor does determine that she is not able to conduct her own business in a business like manner then you need a noterized statement from him to you concerning that. I got this from both my mother's general physical that sees her in the nursing home and from her neurologist in light of some advice from our laywer.

However, you really must get both durable and medical POA before she's declared incompetent and I don't remember if you said that you have these yet. Without the POA's and with statements of incompetency, the you would have the tough route of guardianship to go for to help your mother when she her demintia goes even deeper because without the POAs, you will not be able to conduct her business or make medical decisions once she is no longer able to.

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