My 83-year-old mother is hateful and angry with me. She adopted a former foster child, now 15, and is jealous of my relationship with him.

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My immediate family has always pushed me and my husband and son away. Now my sister is in total control of my mother and my brother. I'm trying to maintain a relationship with the boy, but they are pushing us away. He used to sneak to call me, now it's getting worse. Mother's always accusing me of disrespect and anything she can come up with. She calls others to bad mouth me. I finally had to let people know something of the situation in order to salvage my reputation. The nastiness toward me is not new, it's been most of my life. my husband and I are both college grads, well traveled and live in a nice community. My immediate family
won't visit us, and leaves us out of family gatherings. I give money to my mother and buy clothing for my brother. I give him an allowance and take him places when she'll allow it. I'm sick of the whole thing. My family has a history of this type of behavior, and I've been feeling the affects more as we grow older. I hate the fact that most of my memories of my mother with be this awful mess if she passes before I do. My husband and friends think I should let it go and consider myself without this part of my family. It's easier to do than to say. There's very little I can salvage at this point. I stay away in order to not cause my mother any more temper tantrums. I worry about her and her raising a teen at 83. He's a good kid with some AD problems. She yells quite a bit. They argue several times a week. I'm trying not to talk about this to anyone. I think I'm driving everyone crazy with my worry.

8 Comments

my family always pushed me away, too. i am proud of myself that at one point in my 30's i finally pushed them away. it was very painful and took years to recover from but now all i can say is i am proud of the courage i had to do that. sure, i lost a potential support system, but they would never have been there for me, except to trip me up. if they don't want you around, they don't want you around. you really can survive without your birth family. you can't make them love you. and its not your job to untangle the mess that caused them to push you away. truthfully, they were probably always just a hateful, jealous bunch, like my family.
I have nothing to do with my family either... and you know what, they are rockin' right along doing what they've always done, only difference is, I'm not a part of it... I have been blessed with 'family' and not of blood.... people who I love and love me back.... are supportive and allow me to do the same for them.... it's ok honey, we aren't responsible for the family we were born into. But we are responsible for making ourself happy... or even reasonably happy.... sorry you are worried about your little brother... can you call Social Services and give them a heads up... I know it will piss of mom, but so what, don't have any regrets in regard to your brother.... hugs and prayers for you... you are not alone in the crazy family dilema...
It is very, very sad to not have the love and respect of your family. Unfortunately, we hear this all too much and there really is nothing you can do about it. You have done nothing to have caused this behaviour; it just is what it is and sounds like your mother has a lot of problems.

I know it sounds easier said than done; but after a long while of consistently being on the receiving end of bad behaviour; really, who needs that? Often our families disappoint us and it is said that friends are the family you would choose if that were possible.

Acceptance I think is easier than the alternative. That's been my experience anyway; and it has served me well. Blessings and take care.
How strange that this post is from Dec. 2010. I checked "Wellspoken's" profile and activity. How is it that no one responded until now. That's sad and probably due to a glitch in the system. I feel bad that she never got a response. Cattails.
How can you tell that this post is from 2010? The original post dates are not showing up on my screen anymore. Do they show up on yours?
Oh my goodness, I hope that Wellspoken receives some sort of notification that we do care about her. Isn't it strange that a lot of us end up taking care of family members that were not so nice to us when we were growing up. For myself, I turned my back on my family for 5 years. It hurt, but it had to be done. Mom had become too involved and demanding within my marriage and our idea of how we wanted to raise our children (they were babies at the time). Anyway, after we allowed the family back into our lives she was much more respectful of my family. I had a very complicated marriage and life. My family's support was very important to me. However, Wellspoken is in such an untenable situation that my only advice to her is to walk away, cut her financial support, and get some professional help and advice to work through the hurt. I pray that things have worked out for her.
I went to her member profile and she posted a correction to her post at 4:55AM in Dec 2010. I don't see anything else on her profile.
Hi Jeanne: Sometimes the original post dates are shown and sometimes they are not. I don't know why, but if you click on the posters name it will take you to their profile. If you then click on Activity, it will show what that person has posted and all posts are dated. This is her only post, except a minor correction, and they are both from December 2010. You know, most of the time when you click on a poster's name it takes you to their profile and what is shown beneath is their wall posts. Just above you can see Wall Posts and right next to it is Activity. Click on Activity and it brings up all recent posts. She only had two, from 2010. Cattails

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