My 71-year-old husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 3 years ago. For the last 6-8 months he becomes confused and tries to leave the house.

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at all hours of the night. I sleep with the deadbolt keys on my person.
He. has become very argumentative.
My daughter and I are doing our best to care for him. I promised I'd keep him at home unless I can no longer physically care for him or if he becomes a threaT TO himself or others. Was this the right thing to do?


I understand what you are going through. My Mom lives with me and she has dementia. I have alarms on all my doors leading to the outside and one on her bedroom door. It is a constant worry. I have gone so far as to put a video monitor in her room so that I can see what she is doing all the time. You must be exhausted, because I know I am just from all the worry. I made a promise to my Mom about the nursing home, but I think when in this position you need to think not only of your loved one, but of yourself as well. Don't be afraid to ask for help and if you do end up having to put him in a facility try not to feel quilty about it. I have visited a lot of nursing homes that are full of people who do not need to be there. Meaning they are mentaly and physicaly fine it's just that their families don't want to deal with the few needs that they do have. I too intend to care for my Mom until I am unable to provide the care that she needs for her safety and well being. If I do end up placing her somewhere I will know it is because I have done all I can do for her. Bless you for all that you and your daughter have done.
I don't think anyone really ever wants to go into a nursing home or assisted living facility. The problem is that they never think they are at that point. My mother has dementia but if you asked her she would tell you that she is perfectly fine and doesn't need anyones help!!! Since she wasn't safe anymore living at home by herself and living with me wasn't really an option I had to move her into an ALF. I tried to get her help in picking out a place she would like but that was completely out of the question, she wouldn't even discuss it. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, I just took her to the facility and left her there.......Now months later she is happier than I have seen her in years!!!! So it just goes to show that they don't usually know whats best for them...

Go to and/or search under "stages of alzheimer's/dementia" for tips on what to expect and coping strategies. Good luck my friend.

-- ED
You have to think of yourself and many find out they can not keep the promise of not having their elders go into a nursing home when it comes to what you are dealing with it seems it is the time to consider placement. Look at nursing homes near where you live that way you will be able to keep an eye on things and since he tries to leave the house it is a safety issue and he probably does not even remember you making that promise remember you are getting older yourself a social worker told my husband not only was he getting older and had more health problems but I was getting older myself and had health problems of my own she said your wife did not stay 20 while you became 70. I was in the process placeing my husband when he became very ill and died-he was in hospitals and short term nursing homes about 15 times the last few years of his life we had insurance that would cover 100 days of rehab so many of his stays were that long which gave me a break. Keeping posting here and you will get support and understanding we are or have been in the same boat take care my friend.
A friend gave me this suggestion and said it worked for her caring for her father w/ALZ she put BLACK carpets/throw rugs in front of the doors, stove and blocked of areas other than the bathroom they think these are black holes and won't step on or over them. For cost savings she used RIT dye and dyed some she picked up at the thrift shop. Hope this helps :)
.Thank you for sharing your knowlege with me, it really helps to know I'm not alone. Don't think I'm glad you are going thru rough times.

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