My mother has ruined out lives. My husband and I moved my mother from the nursing home to our house out of guilt and no we are regretting it.

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I have my narcissist mother living in my home and would gladly give up my inheritance for someone to take her off my hands. If anyone has the chance to have someone else take care of them, I think you should let them, and run as fast as you can because it is hell. If it depends on the nursing home getting your inheritance, then let them have it. There are some ways around that tho. But I had to feel guilty and take this mean woman that is my mom out of the nursing home and she is in her mind, bearly, but enought to say "I am not going back" and that is all it takes and you are stuck.


I don't think the 'Indian giver' thing applies here. Put her back.
2oldtogiveacrap is a "Registered Nurse. I have been supervising nursing homes for 15 years now. I have recently taken my mother out of the one I work in to live with my husband and I." so she knows a few things. I guess the slipup here is that the mother is not demented enough, not yet "condemned," to have another make decisions for her. Do you have POA or conservatorship? That would probably be the best route, then you'd have the power to put her back. Don't put her where you work or you'll never have any peace there.

So was money (inheritance) a consideration in bringing her home? It certainly would be mine. If your mother is still with it enough, how about having her see a psychiatrist and counselor? My mom is good natured, but when she is having a delusional confrontational episode, I say things calmly like "that is not acceptable, Mom, open your eyes, come back to the room, and get in the real world. The world with your squirrels, kitties, Andre Rieu..." It seems to have an effect. How far does someone have to be "gone" for you to call them on their maddening and cruel behavior.

Anyway, you being a nursing home RN, you must have a few answers up your sleeve, and perhaps this has happened at your facility before with other families. The "home didn't work out, we're back" situation.
Alzcaregiver. Well, it all sux. Ya see I had the health care proxy and they deemed her incompetent, but then guess what, I had 30 days to take her back and she became completely sane scoring 27 out of 30 on the mmse test in the docs office so therefore if she says "I am not going back" the nursing home cannot keep her if she is in her right mind (and she is in her right mean mind). So I got stuck, they told me she had 2 masses in her lungs that looked like lung cancer but it turns out now that it is not, after hospice is now coming to my house. She told the hospice RN today that I stole her car and all her household stuff. Like I would really want all this crap that has cluttered up my home. Jesus, she has a home worth 65K max. Hell, I can make that in a year easy working part time. She has called my husband every name in the book, mainly we are theives and liers and idiots. She has told everyone this crap. I mean, I explained to her, mother, I REALLY don't want your "home interior" crap and I just brought it here for you to feel at home. Oh Lord, No, it was all about guilt that she made me feel. PLEASE take the house"""Ha
Gee, I think you're screwed. This should be a movie that no one would want to watch. Hey, can you pull a 51/50 on her? Wait until she throws an ashtray at you, kicks or hits one of you, and have her arrested for assai;t. Or taken in on the old "danger to herself or others" line. Then get a restraining order. Let the state have her? Have her arrested for slander. Gee, and I only had to deal with 2 hours (so far tonight...) of sloppy poop. Piece of cake. There's something to be said (in this case) when dementia leaves folks like this speechless.

Get her a nice little apartment somewhere if she is so sane, and move all her nice possessions back in with her, and inform some adult protective services agency to keep an eye on her. Oh, really, what do I know. How do you divorce your parents?
Thanks Alzcaregiver. I have already put the apartmentment thing in the agenda. But they say april. I have to stand it for that long. My poor husband, I don't know. He is ready to get in the car and drive off because she is so mean to him. I am ready to do the same. She sleeps like this. Bed 8pm. Up 10 pm makes coffee (and drags her feet closes doors, clanks tops of jars, ect) Bed 12 midnight. Up 2:45 makes coffee. Sleeps in recliner til 4Am. Bed 4am. up 6Am makes coffee. Over and over and over. Every word you say to her is a smart ass comment. She has an iq of 100 and thinks she is Einstein. She knows everything. Talks about everybody bad. Tells me every move to make. Screws up her medicines. It sux. Yes she is out of here one way or the other. I take care of elderly people for a living and never, ever have problems out of all of them combined like this. I mean, I can run a nursing home with my eyes shut. It is just that now I am inside the box and not outside of it.
I know what your going through. We are trying to get dad into a care home working with doc and social services,they have been great.If any of you are considering having a parent come to live with you,don't,I regret it. I love my dad alot but the strain is tearing my family apart. I feel trapped because it is going to be hard to get him to accept he now needs to go into a home but can't do it without his permission and help from local health workers. Dad been with us 5 years and his needs have changed in this time we thought we could cope with anything,but we can't.
I know how to get him there. Where do you live? I know all the rules. I run nursing homes and the rules are abc but and there is a BUT, you have to follow them step by step. I know the steps. Ask me the questions and I will tell you the answers.
Tell her if she's going to be up so early she has to get a job. She likes making coffee and staying up most of the night so how about a night shift at 7-11?

My mom would skewer everybody also with dramatic act outs about how she told this one or that one off. I put an end to that by telling her that she was damaging her health by forcing her body into a 'fight stress' situation and then by giving her some little bite to eat.

Like I have mentioned earlier on these posts, I'm 5.5 years caregiving now and my mom was a nightmare and it was like taming a feral animal. so I used food. All pleasant behavior was rewarded with a little applesauce cup, yogurt, tapioca pudding, etc. They sell all kinds of fruit cups, you name it at the big discount stores like Sam's, smart & Final, Costco, whatever part of the country you're in. We always have stacks of little healthy, tasty snacks that we can pop open and hand over with a spoon. Works wonders.

Bad behavior is not acceptable and there are consequences. I discovered that food was her currency and used that. I also say that this worked for me and my mom and it may not work for you yet because your mom still goes into the kitchen and bangs around but hey it might break up the day if she starts acting out and you hang a t-bone out there and tell her if she shuts up and acts like a human being you'll cook this sucker up with fried onions and a baked potato and a bottle of beer if she wants it. Just quit acting like an A******!!

If that doesn't work you can always go for the flyswatter and duct tape. KIDDING!!!

you have my respect 2old2giveacrap. hang in there and I hope you know how many people out here have you in their thoughts and prayers.


Your mother sounds a lot like my own. I also believe she's a narcissist and I am to the point that I hate her. I wish I could advice you as to what to do. My mother is also delusional, but coherent enough that she has decided that she is going to be the way she is.
If anything, the only thing I can offer is to let you know that I am here. Personally, I find it a little comforting knowing there are others out there, that can relate to the "Mommy Dearest" syndrom.
Yes, well today she has decided over me that she is going to drive again. She ran away for the weekend to go to a friends, which I am sure the friend is ready to pull her hair out by now and I think I will just drop hospice and let her pay for her own pampers. She was completely continent before she came here. Now she leaves her stinky peed diapers for me to get out and put in the trash. My husband is going to have a stroke is something does not change. I had to get out of bed and take her there on a work night and I work the night shift. She had her crap packed when I got out of bed, demanded that I get her to bible study and I did not even get a cup of coffee, she had fixed all her meds wrong and I had to straighten that out before I left. But yes I keep meeting her demands. She makes me feel like crap if I don't and I just wanted rid of her for the weekend, My husband feels so lost because he doesn't know what to do.

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