My mother has ruined out lives. My husband and I moved my mother from the nursing home to our house out of guilt and no we are regretting it.

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I have my narcissist mother living in my home and would gladly give up my inheritance for someone to take her off my hands. If anyone has the chance to have someone else take care of them, I think you should let them, and run as fast as you can because it is hell. If it depends on the nursing home getting your inheritance, then let them have it. There are some ways around that tho. But I had to feel guilty and take this mean woman that is my mom out of the nursing home and she is in her mind, bearly, but enought to say "I am not going back" and that is all it takes and you are stuck.

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My advice as a daughter and a nurse would be to send her back to the nursing home. That may sound cruel to some, but you cannot physically, mentally or emotionally keep this pace up. On top of that it is only making matters worse for your feelings toward her. It is a difficult situation, but you you said you moved her back in your home out of guilt. That motive is not good for you OR her. See an attorney or some kind of health care specialist dealing with finances to get the inheritance thing settled in your favor. Keep in mind that your mother is not operating with fullness of capability of mind. You need to send her back and take a break from all of this. You can only do so much; you cannot do it all, all of the time. Stop trying to! Godspeed to you and your mother.
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Oh dear - that's horrible. Is there any way you can force the issue, and just refuse to keep her anymore? You don't have a legal obligation to let your mother live with you. I hope you can find a way out of your nightmare. Life is too short to sacrifice yourself for a Narcissistic parent. You deserve to live your life without being abused. Everyone does!
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That is my mother...full blown.....she is this and I am so ashamed that she gave birth to me because I have this big old heart that keeps trying and trying and I cannot get thru to her. She really believes she is Jesus and never ever comitted one single sin in her life.
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Shamelessness
Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.

Magical thinking
Narcissists see themselves as perfect using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.

Arrogance
If a narcissist is feeling deflated, he can reinflate himself by diminishing, debasing or degrading somebody else.

Envy
If the narcissist's need to secure a sense of superiority meets an obstacle because of somebody else, he neutralises it using contempt to minimise the other person's ability.

Entitlement
Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of [...] automatic compliance because they consider themselves uniquely special. Any failure to comply will be considered an attack on their superiority. [...]

Exploitation
can take many forms but always involves the using of others without regards for their feelings or interests. [...]

Bad Boundaries
narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. [...]
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anything you can get on her, fall, edema , chest pain, short of breath, mental status change, then take her to ER and make sure they admit her for 3 midnights, then tell social services to place her in a nursing home and don't ever ever ever ever go get her no matter what.
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Throw away the stinky clothes.
Medicate medicate medicate? This sort of non-bathing, etc was helped by Zoloft for Mom.
or
Bring her over to your brother's house with a moving van.
Read Elder Rage. There's also a website with suggestions
http://www.elderrage.com
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Wow. Sounds like my life. My 83 y/o alzheimer demon mother has been living with my husband and I for 21/2 years since we found out she couldn't care for herself. She was on a waiting list for an assisted living facility and wouldn't go when a spot opened. My brothers got mad when she moved in with us and cut off relations with all of us. We do have her go to a day program. I need advice. We are having hygiene issues. She wears the same clothes even though she has enough to wear everyday for month without doing laundry. She hoards everything even taking the barf bag off the plane, plastic silverware from the senior center (used) and washes the recyclables to keep. My house is cluttered and horrible. She will stand in a store and throw a fit when I won't let her buy more stuff. Tells people she only has one sweater etc. I lay out clothes and she puts them back in the closet and outs on the stinky one. She has taken over my house with her junk and I can't stand her stuff or attitude.She gets mad when I do something other than work without her being included. I feel guilty about my hostility. I do have POA but not guardianship. Somebody help me put her in a home without feeling like I abandoned her. I want my life and house back.
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To all the caregivers stories that I just read above.

My hearts goes out for all of you. I've been caring for my mother for 10 years now with dementia she will be 90 next month...God willing. And I have to say I never went through what you are going through. Was she like that before she got sick? I would also suggest that you find some outlet that can help you release some of the stress that you are going through. It sounds like you are on your last nerve and that's not good for you and the person you are taking care of.
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I totally get it..... I have both my 90 year old "I don't do ANYTHING" mother-in-law and 95 year old "I'm not f'ing old" father-in-law that have been living with me for 4 years.......All I can say is, "I'm a 50 year old woman who gave up my day job to run a home business (that I have building for 8 years) and keep an "eye" on them.....In the year of "Go Red For Women" I hope I drop dead of a fast heart attack so I don't have to take their crap anymore. The only fear I have had in my life is that these 2 "badly behaved children" will outlive me and I'll never know the joy of life without them. God give me grace to survive.
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Secret Sister that is the truth!
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