Mother wants to leaving the nursing home, but she is in condition to return home.

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I thought that this issues had been laid to rest months ago, but today my mother calls about going home. I've been through several experiences of my mother calling about wanting to check out of the nursing home to go back to her house, but that was early in her experience there like June, July, August. Today, I get a call completely out of the blue leaving a message on my cell phone that she wants me to check her out so that she can go home. She's not in any condition to go home. I'm planning to visit up there later today and am choosing to address this then instead of calling her back on the phone. I was planning on going up there anyhow to tend to some business.


Be consistent. State clearly the circumstances that prevent her from resuming her life as it used to be. Don't argue, don't get emotional. Acknowledge her feelings, but keep re-stating the reasons she can no longer live independently. Don't think the desire will ever leave her mind, even if she does eventually seems to accept her situation.
Thanks, I do wonder if her husband's helper does not keep bringing this up herself since she does not believe in nursing homes. I answered mom's request by telling her that i could understand her desire to go home particularly around Christmas time, but that Dr. Deans had said her health would require 3 intensive care trained nurses to watch over her 24 hours a day at home and that it did not appear that she was healthy enough to go home. Well, that satisfied her and we moved on to another topic.
My mother wants to go home too. She has been in rehab for about 2 months due to falls that she encountered within two weeks .of each other. We've tried to make her understand that she is a fall risk and that her home is no longer safe for her. She will not listen to me and I am trying to get her sufficient care once she goes home and if. I feel like I betrayed her being that I am her only caregiver and has been for years. My mother is 95 years old with a little some memory loss and very stubborn. She has forgotten to do simple things. She is frail and her mind is telling her continue to do things as ususal and not listening to me. I have 3 sisters that are not actively participating in her care. I have to work and cannot give her 24 hrs care. She also has a CDiff problem thats another concern.
My parents went into assisted living six weeks ago, after my dad had his 3rd serious heart attack, 3 heart caths, 5 stents. (He also had a serious stroke 7 years ago but was fortunate to recover.) He was delirious in the hospital and required 24-hour aides to sit with him. He was diagnosed as having dementia. My mom had previously been diagnosed with Alzheimers, and cannot be alone. She is 85 and he is 87. Hospital social worker felt they should not be discharged home without round the clock care. They are now in a lovely AL center in a 2 bedroom apartment (the nicest one in the whole facility). My sister is the operations director there and they are able to see her every day if they wish. The staff is lovely and treats them like royalty. But all they do is call us round the clock wanting to go home; have called friends and asked them to take them home. Last night dad called the local sheriff's office (911) because he plugged up his toilet, and wanted them to come take him home. He has always been very self centered, thinks my mom is fine and this is all just a conspiracy against him. He gets my mom extremely agitated, and has started nagging another resident about insisting on going home. We are at our wits end, fearful that he will continue to escalate this situation by being so difficult that we'll be asked to move them out. They have both fallen at home; and dad has also fallen at the AL. They are in a lovely facility that their children are currently paying for; they have no money at all except SS and their home, so will eventually have to sell the home. It is a large house on a 1 acre lot with a swimming pool; way beyond their ability to manage. We have been taking care of them and their yard for over 10 years now. We've had innumerable calm conversations about why this is best for them at this point in their lives, and dad will agree - then starts all over again the next day. There is probably no good answer to this but we would appreciate any and all suggestions. Our hearts go out to all of you who are dealing with similar situations.
I tell my mother to go ahead and arraign it. She never does.
We don't have much info about details of moms condition but it sounds like she has some dementia. If so, you won't be able to reason with her. Stay strong, she should not go home.
What sorts of meds is dad on for agitation? Often (not alwsys) antidepressants help. Otherwise "it's not up to us dad, the docs say you need to be here for a while yet". Is he involved in activities at the AL? Can he be given a "job" like keeping the library in order or" managing "the bar at happy hour?

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