Follow
Share

My Mom is 95, she has lived with my husband and me for 15 years. She has macular degeneration and is legally blind. On Nov 29th she said to me, 'You just never know when you get up if this will be your last day here on earth.' A few hours later she got a phone call, that her son died that morning about that same time, of a massive heart attack. He would have been 67 on Dec. 1st. Mom is in shock. No one ever thought that he would die before her. We are walking through this very difficult time with her, spending extra time talking about him when she needs to. She needs the thoughts and prayers of people who care. Unfortunately, most all of her friends and family are gone.
She is so grateful that I am there for her and that we have such a close relationship. I have always been there for my Mom and this is one of the hardest things we have had to go through. It is sad to lose my brother but I know it is so much harder for her to lose her son when she expected to be dying before him.
Thank you for listening, over the last 15 years we have had to learn to live one day at a time. Planning for the future doesn't seem possible for now.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
Honorthymother, Mothers always know something is amiss. I would tell her surgery and keep her updated, in a gentle way.
Chicago, I fully understand her not wanting to go. I don't care how old you get, there is nothing worse than losing a child.
Ginny, my heart goes out to your mom, from one mother to another. Once the shock has passed, she may express some rage, especially at God.
(0)
Report

What a sad time for your mother. All of our prayers go out to her and the whole family. She clearly had a premonition of something happening as many people do .
Let her talk and comfort her as you are doing. If she does not want to go to the funeral maybe you can take some photos of the flowers and the grave site. later when the first pain of grief has passed she may regret not having seen these things and you can offer to show her the pictures and perhaps frame one for her bedside. Peace be with you all
(0)
Report

My mother outlived my sister. Mother is 94.

We offered to take mother to the funeral home. She had numerous grandsons that could help her. But, she refused. We offered to take her prior to the services and take her home. She wouldn't go.

I am just suggesting that your mom might not be able to sit through a funeral. A visit might be enough and then, have someone stay with her during the funeral.

I send my condolences. I am sorry. My sister was buried the day prior to her 70th birthday, so I do understand.
(0)
Report

I care for my 91 year old mother at my home. She recently had emergency surgery for small bowel obstruction and is now receiving rehab in a SNF. My 70 year old brother, who lives in another state, calls mom everyday. He just had a
Heart attack and is scheduled for double bypass surgery. Do I tell my mom now or wait until after surgery. I don't think I can explain why he is not calling.
(0)
Report

I'm very sorry about the lost of your brother,my dad always told me he thought losing a kid was one of the worst pains there is, he said that it seemed very un-natural to lose your kid before the parent passes. I think all parents plan on there kids out living them. My dad was very lonely also,he was 86,and all of his good friends and most family had passed away.I understood how he felt because all of my friends and family are gone also.My daughter is the only reason I bother waking up in the mornings,so I'm sure your mother feels the same way having you there,is such a blessing to her.I'm so very sorry about the lost of your brother,but ya'll are still lucky you have each other.Everyday counts,just like your mom says.
(1)
Report

Please accept my sincere sympathies on the loss of your brother. This is a tragedy that cannot be explained, at least not by us and as hard as it is on your mother, I am sure it is difficult for you too.

He died on only ONE day, so help her remember some of the thousands of days that he was alive and GOOD things that happened on those days. Help her think of the good days while he was alive, and perhaps that will make her feel better.

Although most of her 'peers' are gone, WE are here. Read our responses to her to let her know that there are many people that care in the world, and that every one is important. She is not alone. God bless you and your family and may you find comfort in the company of friends and family in this difficult time.
(0)
Report

Ginny,
I am so very sorry about the loss of your brother, and my heart goes out to you and to your mom in the loss of her son.

I remember my grandfather talking about how he was the last of his friends to die and how hard that was, and now my mom, in her more lucid moments, will talk about how sad she is that her parents and her close friends are gone. It's hard to lose anyone we love, and as the people who have been our support system leave us, gosh, it's that much harder. Your mom is blessed to have such a compassionate daughter as she does in you. Take care of yourself as well as her.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
(1)
Report

Ginny,

Please accept out most sincere condolences on the loss of your beloved brother and to your mother for the loss of her son.

How shocking, traumatic and sad.

This site is wonderful and full of very caring people to whom you can say anything that's in your heart and they will understand.

So sorry and please tell your mom that even though many of her friends are gone, there are new ones that will feel so comfortable and we're right here.

lovbob
(2)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter