Mom's dehydrated and there is nothing I can do.
Today I took Mom to the doctor. Her bp was 94/44, weighs less than 97 pounds and she is so dehydrated they could not draw blood to even 1/4 fill a tube, and they tried several times. I'm sad because she is killing herself and we can't stop her. She is 99, physically healthy and still in an independent living facility. She has dementia which is pretty bad, but she refuses to accept it, won't move although she desperately needs oversight as she is her own worst enemy. She can still get herself up, make coffee, put on her makeup, heat some soup, get to the restaurant but little else. We do everything else for her, but we can't be there every minute, nor can we force her to eat or drink (or bathe, which she won't) even when we are there. She is urine incontinent (wears depends) and sometimes bowel incontinent from laxative abuse which she buys in the facility store - and hides from us. She has always been a bad eater (from her youth) and now is worse. She has passed out or has been weak from dehydration for the past 20 years because she barely drinks enough liquid to stay alive. I could tell that the doctor has given up because as long as she is not in assisted living, there is nothing he can do, no meds, no instructions because she won't follow them anyway (and never did even when she was younger and knew better). I know at her age she has lived her life and made her choices, but I feel like a bad daughter watching her do this to herself and unable to stop it. My sibling doesn't want to force her to move, just let her live the way she wants, so I can't make it happen alone. (Even if we tried to move her, she refuses and says she will kill herself, and no doubt she would make life h*ll for us. We forced her to move from her home 8 years ago and she is still complaining and bringing it up as the main topic of conversation. It may be wrong, but I pray she will just go to sleep one night soon and not wake up. I can't imagine how she will be if she falls and ends up bedridden or her dementia progresses until she is a vegetable hobbling around with no quality of life. Dementia is sad and so am I.