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It was more less finally determined that mom has Dem/Alz yesterday. She kept rattling off numbers and not putting sendtences together. She would not answer the questions anked by sis or my nephew. Although sister has not accepted the fact that mom has had Dem. I accepted it a long time ago thanks to all of you.

A while back when I found this site I did a lot of sounding off about sis, but now it has all boiled down to sis and I, in other words FOE, (Family Over Everything) a direct quote from my oldest son. Now is the time for us to get together and do what's best for mom. It's not a time for bickerring, not a time for disagreement, not a time for you did she did....it's a time for let's do what's best for OUR mom.

This thing we call life is so precious. I've had time to adjust, while sister hasn't. But I will find a class we can take together so she will understand the challenges ahead of us. Lord knows there will be many.

Plz pray for our family!

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Your attitude is so admirable, showing us all that we can be teachable and forgiving. Not everyone will get cooperation from a sibling - no matter what they do - but holding out the olive branch is helpful in many cases. We are with you in spirit!
Carol
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Howdy folks, just thought I'd pop in and say hello to everyone.

Mom is actually doing quite well. She is in and out, but still fusses at me so I know she's still got some wits about her. She doesn't eat as much as we'd like her too but I guess that's her choice.

I'm reading a wonderful book called Staying Connected while Letting Go, The Paradox of Alzheimer's Caregiving. Wonderful book. I've actually gotten 3 books and when I'm done with this one, I'll get right to the next one which is called Decoding Darkness, the search for the genetic causes of Alzheimers.

Haven't looked at the other threads yet to see what's happening in everyone's lives, and their loved ones so I'll do that now.

Sis did remove the 1/2 bars on moms bed and replaced them with full bars so that mom won't get out of bed. She did that once, got out of bed and fell right on down. I'm not so sure that I like seeing her in that bed with those bars so far up yet though, guess it just takes some time getting used too.

Mom's best friend, who's husband died a couple of months ago, sold her house and is moving out of state to be with her daughter. She'l be living in Assisted Living. She came by to see my mom before she left and my mom knew exactly who she was. That was promising and made sis and I feel real good. She even knew her daughter, just had trouble remembering her name. I don't think she comprehends that her friend is leaving the state though, so I'm sure she'll be asking about her over and over again but se'la'vei' or however it goes.

My youngest son left for the Marines last Monday so now I am the PROUD PARENT OF A MARINE and that's one of the reasons I haven't been on the site much spent a lot of time with him before he left. He left early, wasn't supposed to go until September but he was ready to go. Keep him in your prayers.

Until we speak again, love, hugs, and admiration to you all.....Pamela
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Pamela, I can so relate to you. I couldn't possibly have taken care of my dad full time, or even half time. He was dangerous, both to himself, and to others. He was wandering his neighborhood, and getting into serious trouble. He was taken to ER, then transferred to a Geriatric Psychiatric Ward, then medicated for anger. From there, he was transferred to a Nursing Home. He is less active, and more compliant now. I am glad I don't live there. He's easier to deal with in shifts. Hard stuff, this Alzheimer's Disease! And they can't help themselves. We can't stop the decline, but must have help dealing with it. Nothing sadder than watching a parent consumed by it, and feel powerless. Ugh! I'm glad you have some distance and perspective. Don't feel guilty about that.
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Sis called me yesterday and said mom had been hollering all day long, then she was hollering to take her in the living room in the wheelchair, sis did, and mom stayed there all of 5 minutes then wanted to get back into her bed. Then she got out of her bed, (by herself) and fell down PLOP!!!!

I've not been there in 3 days and sis is really stressing out. I guess she's realizing this disease is pretty bad.

My phone keeps ringing, and when I pick it up no one's there. The caller ID says private caller, and private caller is usually mom. But I needed a break. I imagine sis will too pretty soon.

Thursday when I went over before I left the help said "GOOD LUCK", I didn't have any problem though. Mom wanted to go back to her bed, so I took her back. I brought her a sprite, which she loves, she drank it. I gave her dinner, which she didn't eat too much of, and then she dozed off. I was only there 5 hours.

Maybe this isn't so nice to say but I'm sure glad I don't live there! there I've said it.
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Thank you, Pamela. :)
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Pamela, I'm praying for you.
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miz you're a sweetheart.
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My heart goes out to all of us. No one that has not been in our shoes can understand how painful, frustrating, and heartbreaking alz/dem is. It seems to have much more of a grip on my mom now and my heart aches. Mom's doc says there will be a cure but not in our lifetimes. There is a lot of good advice on this thread. Anything we can do to make it easier, less stressful and upsetting is a God send. Hang in there, everyone.

love,
miz
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They check for anything reversible at all, and oftentimes infections make things worse as well as causing discomfort. I would go ahead and have that tended to. I've also been struggling with medications that make my mom feel worse, sometimes given for good reasons, but not for anything more imrpotant than how she is feeling and functioning.
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naheaton you never cease to amaze me, you're still a hoot.

Yesterday our priest went to see my mom. I called him prior so he would not be shocked when he arrived, but he called me after he left saying my mom wasn't able to pray with him. She did not know him, or any of the prayers. She wouldn't take communion either. Dahhhhhhhhhh did I not call him to warn him. Then he asked me if Dementia is anything like Alzheimers..........dahhhhhhhhhh yeah. Needless to say I was dummified by the stupified, if you know what I mean. I told him his visit was to annoint mom with oil and to bless her, as he did.

I just came back from moms taking her a breakfast sandwich. She looked up at the hanging rosary over her bed, and asked me to give it to her. I did. She took it made the sign of the cross with it, and said "Our Father". She did not say the entire prayer but I watched her say that over and over. Now I have watched my mom for years say the rosary @ 9:00 am for years and years. The caretaker says she gives it to her daily but I think she's lying.

Now although she did not know who Father was yesterday she still knew what he represented, and that is a good thing, a great thing. Yep it's in and out but I'll take it. I had to call my sis and tell her.

I think I will have a wonderful day today and I hope all you wonderful caregivers do too.

Pam
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My mother-in-law has decided that people are coming into her room and stealing her freak'in bananas. There is no use in telling her that no one wants her bananas, that they can just go down to the cafeteria and get a stupid banana. It wouldn't be so bad if the banana thief had replaced her eye glasses thief. But nooooooo.... that would be too easy. ha.
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Well here's a hoot. My mom called me this morning and said: "Pam bring me some breakfast". I said OK mom and here I go. Ain't that something. In and out and I wonder too if they know what they are saying.

I still talk to mom and tell her all the funny things that I encounter and I laugh like I've always done. At times she laughs back, other times she acts like she doesn't even hear me.
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Secretsister: talk to him anyway. Carry on a conversation and you may find that he is using the same 'odd' words' to respond.

Get some 'flash cards' with pictures of ordinary things. Dogs, cats, people, things, whatever, and see if he puts a "word" to any of them. If he does write that word on the back of the card, so you know what it is in HIS mind. As ridiculous as this may seem, it may work. And you don't have to make it a 'test' or work. Just see if he responds to anyof the pictures. Don't ask him if he remembers, just see how he reacts.

Also.. listen to music from 'his' era. See what he responds to. Dance with him (even if it's chair-dancing). Draw with him... sit and do something, but please try not to be depressed. Tell HIM jokes, some of his old ones, see if you can get an old joke book, and have some fun. It's your turn to make him laugh, and that will make you feel better too!

So much of this is depressing, that it is up to US to make them feel better, after all remember when we were children and we were feeling 'down' or sad, they would come in and make some cookies, or tell a corny joke (your Dad) or any number of other things to make us feel better. Even if we didn't want them to, most parents tried to make us feel better anyway.

Oh, and it doesn't if they recognize 'us' or not. We are still there, and we still know who they are! I know you have it in you to be upbeat and positive, no point in both of you being depressed! God bless you for being there with him.
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I so long for being able to understand my dad again. The silence is deafening. He laughed at his roommate's dog the son brought it. I love the laughter. But I can't always tell if he's glad to see me, knows me, or what... And I miss the stupid corny jokes dad told. Got bored with them then, but the gobblety gook that comes out now is plain depressing. I try so hard to understand, but it's beyond me. Wonder if dad knows what he's saying? We never did talk much, ever, about anything important. I so grieve that we never will. Miss the dad that Alzheimer's has stolen. Just wish I could say something he could understand and respond to, and that I could understand him when he tries talking to me. It's so very frustrating.
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the way i lok at it is to understand them is like understanding a newborn cries ,
have to learn thier body language and their cries , when dad is all waa waa waa i know he s wet and am always right , the tone of his voice ,
sometimes im all wrong cuz he says im just a hollaring . ahh ure going to bed ! :-)
just like we understand our babies and when they learn how to talk most people would say ugh what he say ? oh he said he wants his bottle , baba , things like that ,.
dementia and alz is a hellva nightmare and sure hope in god s name they find a cure for it ...
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I wish I could understand Alz/Dem language.
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Pam, your mom sounds just like mine. She is going downhill in the past few months and is getting harder to handle. She was asking to go to the hospital all week, to see her baby that she just had there. She is 83 and has 7 children, the youngest being 43! I tell her I'm going to call Oprah and have her go on the show, if she indeed did just have a baby.
Every day she wants to call the school to register. Right now I can get away with telling her it's summer vacation and no one is at school.
She goes to daycare 3 days a week and thinks that is school. She has been such a hand full there, that I expect them to throw her out any day now. They don't have enough staff to do one on one with her.
It's going to be a real challenge when we have to place her. I know some facilities are not going to take her because of her severe OCD, and she will have to be drugged heavily to keep her calm. It's a long road for all of us, and we just have to do the best we can, for as long as we can.
Good luck to you and Mom and sister!
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Pamela, I have not been looking at this thread at all, guess I missed it. Your sister and you and come full circle haven't you? That is the one redeeming thing to come out of this rotten situation. What would make someone suddenly 'snap' like that? Was it the UTI or was it just because of the alz.? I thought Alzheimers was more gradual than that, or did the UTI push her over the edge? I'm so glad you have your sister back to go through this with you. The old saying 'there's no atheists in foxholes' can also be said of a family coming together in a crisis I guess. In the grand scheme of things, letting go of the small stuff seems right.
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Mom got that bad azz tooth extracted today. There was a piece of copper or gold or something that was sticking her in the gum.

Man oh man did she fight the nurse, the dentist, and my sister, who took her. I didn't go and got a report from sister. Foght everyone tooth and nail, and even hit the dentist, then SLAPPED my sister. Sis and I had a big conversation about the contrast, this is so unlike mom,. but then again it's the Dementia. Oh WOW!!!!

Took my youngest to see mom and she kept asking who he was. He kept giving her a kiss and she kept pulling away. She keeps asking me if I have a husband, and I just kee saying no, heck if saying yes will make a difference I'll say that. Mom keeps asking me who's home with the children, I just say the babysitter.

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I picked the wrong time for giving up DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!!

Hows everyone else been and your family members!!!!
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Jaye, that's a great idea. :)
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If something is hurting her in her mouth that will rather complicate things... I would encourage you to talk with a dentist who specializes in Senior care.
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pamela , how is ur mom ? hope shes comin around ok .
pa still the same . tmr he will be going to otolaryngology , throat doc . to see why he s not swallowing good . and cant spit out whats floatin around in back of his throat . hope its good news .
ure so sweet to go and help ur sister and hang out with her . i wish my sister would come here , she does once a while but not as often .,
keep us update how ur mom is . xoxo
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yes - doc said b vitamins are important and i read that folic acid helps it to do its job - i started taking b vit. with folic acid - dont want to get alz if i can help it
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Yes. I've heard of those test and their fine. I want to mention that an infection can add to the dementia. So can a urninary tract infection and a visit to the hospital. Most people aren't aware of this. I know I wasn't when I got into the elderly health care industry.

DeAnna
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Pamela6148, your wisdom in the midst of your Mom's health crisis is inspiring to me, personally. May you be blessed with continued serenity as you, your sister and your Mom face uncertain days ahead. Thanks for sharing your story.
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u have email, we can do it real quick delete it before they delete it. I'll check right back
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I only wish this website had a CHAT room! That way we could connect 'live' online and exchance ideas.
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Learning to speak Alzheimer's wow, there's a book with that name, I'm floored.

Thanks everyone, I've phoned the Alz. Assoc. and asked for mailings, put myself on their email list, and called sis and gave her the 24/7 hotline number as well.

All of your ideas are so wonderful, I certainly do thank you, everyone of you, I really do. It is so wonderful of you to come through for me. I'm floored, I really am. Thank you again. I am taking everyone's advice.

Love you all

Pam
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Pamela. you are most welcomed. I know how difficult this journey can be, and any way I can lessen the stress for someone else, the better.

I know that Mom loved to have visitors (even at the nursing home) and we would stage 'tea parties' for the other ladies and Mom would feel like the host.

I ordered my books from Amazon (some of them used in fact) for a fraction of what they cost.

Learning to speak Alzheimer's is another great book.
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Pamela, I borrowed many a book from the Alzheimer's Association, as they have a lending library of some GREAT books and DVDs. These will help you so much. I could fax you some handouts I've accumulated over the past few years if you like. Hugs. Know you're not alone, and there's tons of support for this leg of your journey.
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