Missing my husband while caregiving for my parents.


I take care of my parents every weekend. I've been doing it for almost two years now. I dont get to spend much time with my husband. I don't mean to complain because I love my parents very much, but I miss my husband. He doen't come with me because he doen't feel comfortable at their house. They live 45 minutes away from us. My brothers stay overnight during the week. I feel like I got the short end of the stick because they are actually only spending a couple of hours a day with them while I'm there Sat. nite thru Monday til about 4:00. It's done a toll on our relationship too. We all do it because we care about them and we figure they did it for us all our lives now it's our turn. I'm just venting and it actually helps to know that there's other people going through it too. Sometimes I just need a break.

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Elderkin, You need to take a step back and reassess what is important in your life. Yes, we love our parents and want to help them, but think about reality. You will have your husband for many, many more years than your parents and you need to take care of that relationship. You DO have the short end of the stick. Why do your parents need someone there all night? Do they sleep all night? Do they get up and wander around? Is there a fall risk? Are they confused? Do they need someone there in the daytime also? Perhaps you all need to consider alternatives - hire someone to spend the night? Assisted living? What is their financial status? Where would assisted living fit into this picture? Or, perhaps your brothers could take turns doing weekends with you, so you can have some weekends with your spouse. Please don't sacrifice your marriage for your parents. You have too many years ahead of you.

Is there any reason why you can not change the amount of time you stay with your parents each month so one of them could stay the weekends it does not seem fair the way it is if you do not speak up nothing will change and they will continue to use you and not consider how unfair it is to you- maybe you can tell them that you need some weekends off and that is the way it is going to be if they expect you to continue taking terns,