Denial is an awful place to live!
As much as I love my parents, I can't stand their relationship and how it has affected me most of my life. As long as I can remember, my parents have argued, spoke ill of each other, I can remember Mom as always threatening to leave dad, I only wish she had,
As a child, I became withdrawn and depressed, they took me to a therapist and the therapist told them that THEY were the problem...they needed help not me. And here we are again 40 yrs later
Now that they are both unable to do for themselves they are in NH care and the same un-happy marriage went with them. Mom is acussing dad of all kinds of infedelity, mind you this 96 yr old man is immobilized and wheel char bound, has impaired speech, vision and hearing. Dad accuses mom of the same because she goes to activities and he refuses to go so she must be messing around.
The NH is calling me concerned about Mom's behavior, shes's back and forth at the desk complaining about Dad, then says they don't care if he kills her in her sleep.
Tomorrow, I will have a frank talk with the NH and explain that this is normal behavior for them, just more pronounced. Gesh, how true the saying about what goes on behind closed doors!
I am 5o yrs old and I am sick to the point of divorcing myself from this toxic relationship that i was born into; guess that's my curse but I'm ready to do the drastic act of parting emotional ties from my parents. I'll continue to take care of their modest expenses, visit when I want, bring goodies, heck I'm still good for a lunch or dinner date now and then but I no longer want to be "the responsible party"
Right now, I'm trying to get the courage up to announce and make the break, I know there will be guilt on both sides but, why should the rest of my life be controlled by some people who don't know and won't accept a happy, peaceful life
and me being the sacrificial lamb? And No, there is no one else who would dare step in to help out, it's just me!
Has anyone given up thir POA, or other responsibilities. I don't want to, I'm just tired of being used and apart of this toxicity.
Thank you all for helpful understanding advice.