I'm losing my mind.

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1) Durable Power Of Attorney For Health Care...Can a person say what they want done with them before this situation happens? Say before I get Dementia or am in a Coma, can I say what I want done with me? Like "yes, due surgery needed while in a coma" or" keep me at home with dementia if I have money for all the caregiver or I choose a NH"? Without appointing anyone as Durable Power?

2) IS General Power Of Attorney the same as Primary Beneficiary especially with Residuary estate?

3) In the "Rules" I must follow in order to one day inherit the home I live in, there are 10 rules to obey.::( Am I overreacting- you should read the several pages of details)
A) No allowing my kids husband/wife to ever live here
B) If I remarry to the non father of my kids I have options to own the house proving perfect marriage 5 years and he has financial status as do I, If we move the house gets sold and not by our choice if kids are under 19...( by the "rules") or if I dont want to wait I may purchase the home at a slight discount etc etc.
C) Father of my kids never live here or inherit the home ( I agreed to this)
D) It Goes On and on what I must do, if a person or more dies etc.If I die and my kids are over 21 they are never aloud to have a roommate to help pay bills. it goes on and on.

So, I agree to protect my kids and my sibling and my dad the heck with me to keep the house. I have done everything they asked over the years just to be able to live here. No dating, No dating a man who is not white, go to school get a degree, no one lives there, etc. They have no trust in me with my decision making or it seems financially as Im not allowed to handle the money thats left for my kids even WITH an attorney for guidance!!! Which no matter what I chose to have one!!!

So this being said, In my last post I mentioned most of this. I was shocked when my grandpa said" Ill leave you one of the houses" I have kids of course I accepted! But my family is fighting over this with me, and sees me as being greedy because I think some of the "rules" are way of base and hurtful. I told them all at this point I will save up for a used mobile home just so I can keep peace in the family and I can try to save what family I have left. What would you do? Is me saying the heck with the house ( kids education money which is still being left to my aunt as the beneficiary ( with only a verbal agreement that she handle the education fees from it) the best thing to do? The day my grandpa dies, we will have 30 days to vacate the property because in my heart I feel we wont be allowed to live here esp with all this fighting going on. I can be homeless but I dont want my kids homeless.

How do I prove Im not the one whos greedy? And all these years I been caring for grandpa, as well as over full time now. I grew up believing we should mentally and physically care for each other. Where are they but getting upset who will hold the "power" after he dies saying its for my kids with no faith I will keep it for my kids.

Sorry to be so repetitive in my posts, but, I just never wanted to provide with any detailed info so my family doesn't have a fit Im airing dirty laundry. I lost my trust in most family and men, so of course im leery. I pray Im wrong. I pray Im being dumb. I love my Aunt, all my family and have only a handful left and I dont want to loose them over this. I hate this. Im not trying to be greedy but they see me that way because I dont agree on everything they say!

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"Your choices in men are always bad( ok, most times it was but one in particular I couldnt be with because they were black-even though they were a TRUE man!!!) Gentle loving etc... " This part bothered me, offended me. It also seemed just another excuse in a very long list of excuses. Just letting you know.

Oh, this is an old thread! Wow. I wonder how things are with you now? Garden Artist had a good starting idea, mine is for you to go to counseling. Your relatives may be awful (I can relate!) but you can control who YOU are, and how you deal with life. What are you teaching your children? Show them Grace, Fortitude, Love. Don't teach them that the only way out is through a handout, and DON'T teach them that people who don't respond to your concerns are terrible. It never worked for me! Seek out any community services, womens' services, free or sliding scale. Best wishes.
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Thank you GardenArtist :) I have even more good news so far today. My grandfather has decided to make a Living Will if he were to be in a coma or develops Alzheimer's or similar for instance( not just a DNR) he still refuses to put anyone for Durable Power. My Aunt is so mad because of the changes he's making she refuses to talk with me, really wont talk with him unless he calls her.

Anywho thanks again :)
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You're right - baby steps, one step at a time. Congratulations on taking that step.
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Well, Idk if any one is still viewing my thread, but instead of making a new thread for the same thing, Ill keep it here.... No need to respond, just want to keep from going nuts...( online journal type thing for me I guess) But.. guess what I did???

As I mentioned I still have health problems but most days Im good but tired. As I mentioned I slipped and fell a while back later my calf muscle was pulled,it is better but still painful when walking for extended period or if it gets touched. Anywho, my daughter is sick, I am sick now as well. So, I have to take my grandfather to an appt 2morrow so today, I decided, all day Im going to rest because Im dizzy, a fever is starting and just feel blah. Well, I sent my dad and son down for lunch and dinner to gramps and my gramps was sooooo mad!!!! He wanted ME to come down and fix it, ME to visit!!! My dad is ill as I mentioned and he got mad I asked him to answer the phone and handle gpa today... ( gpa usually asks for me anyway is why he got upset and my dad will always feel blah )but gosh darn!!!!!

Well.. you all might be wondering.. " I bet she gave in and went down" NOPE!!! I got blasted by grandpa "that I never feel good Im always sick or sore or cleaning..hes putting my lunch down again today that I cooked for the proper amount!!! "

.....................I replied to BOTH dad and grandpa" Well, what are you going to do when Im at work, you say work and yet you are complaining and mad at me when I cant come down ( unless emergency of course Id go) but you have dad or /and my son to go?" This is only the first day!!! He wouldn't answer me then told me call a neighbor who I really have nothing to do with and see how she made out from the Drs. Umm, all of a sudden I call to say" hey" I said not today grandpa, Im resting myself and maybe tomorrow Ill call her. Ill be there at 6 tonight, he got mad and hung up on me!!!! Did I do as he wanted? NO!!!

I was saying to them gee I guess I cant work until you both are dead, is that what your both saying? Well they both got mad and said no its not that, right now your not working so you can. Well, they have to get used to it!! Emergencies of course Ill be there but ya know, my health.. ya, maybe it is getting worse. I love them but if they cant or dont want to be alone they can hire more help.

First baby step taken here, im struggling and feel bad about it, but, I have to do this. All day, I did nothing except feed my kids and rest. Thats it!!!! All about.. me! At least today!!! Just thought Id share a little good news, well what I think some of you would say was good news, I stood up for me! A day at a time! Thanks all
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GardenArtist- I know I shouldn't of said that. Well, on the bright side, I DO have a Bachelors!!!! ;) I am going back to school to get my masters one day. I dont mind an entry level job, thats all I qualify for anyways and it will get me the skills I need if one day I move up somewhere.

pamzimmrrt, great idea!! I will apply there as well. Ill take anything but I wouldn't mind stocking either. I like doing that stuff. IFunny you said that, before my grandfather went blind I actually started a CNA class but quit because I didnt feel I was cut out for it.

Debralee, Ok, Ill give them a call today after I look that up hehe. Hmm you and pam both think I should be a CNA actually so does my friend... well, I do have the experience now and do love talking with people, Ill go check it out. If anything it could be a temp job until I can find something else.

Thank you all :)
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Me1000 have you thought about going to your state's Division of Employment. You can meet with couselors that will help you with looking for a job and make recommendations on job skills you can learn. Your experience with caregiving would go far becoming a Certified Nursing Assistance. You may even qualify for free job training or schooling.
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If you have a Costco, they hire on a union basis with good pay and benefits here in my area. The union takes a cut but you get good benefits otherwise. They also don;t require a college degree. It may not be a status job, but it will pay the bills. Don;t limit yourself on what you are looking for. Is there a nursing home in your area? You have skills they need! Keep your head up and keep looking!
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"Im a dumb person..."

Me1000, if you don't stop putting yourself down and justifying caring for your family, I'm going to give up on you!!!!

Now, get rid of that "dumb me" attitude and stop justifying subordinating your life in favor of people who aren't treating you with respect.

Next post you write, I want to see some positive thoughts about actions you've taken to get a job. And remember, even an entry level job isn't forever - you learn what you can, leverage it, and get a better job.
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Caring for a disabled man, who I have cleaned up vomit, urine, loose bowels when he had CDEF, lifting him, cooking, cleaning, getting verbally put down how bland or bad my food is, how perfect these other kids are because they got straight A's in school -stayed in school, waited til marriage, etc, (except for the few times says Im doing a good job ) spending several hours at Dr appts at times, losing even more sleep when I dont sleep good because I need to hear him call or catch him before he does fall , or help put on his clothes when his back is hurting so bad he cant really move. To me, money or no money Its work. But I dont mind helping him , I still love him and he does done wonderful things for us. But I f Im going to get paid, I would like to get paid for a real job that takes taxes out instead of him paying my bills. Im old and need experience :) If Im not hired anywhere in the next week, its door to door time asking to clean their homes. ( I tried to start a business of that but didnt work)

Thank you for responding and thank you for your views. I will find a job and will throw on some tunes and dance around when I get one! Take care :)
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Yes, I agree with you on number 1.

I have wanted a real job, and have looked on and off. For the first years, I was in school, Im a dumb person i guess because it took me every effort and several tries to pass Math, Spanish and another one, and I also had health issues.( still do but not like before) My grandpa insisted do school only to find a better job, I had a full time job offer at a min wage place years ago and my grandfather said he kick me out because I was in school and willing to drop and continue the next semester. When I was done, I have looked but have not been hired. I was also caretaking a little for my grandpa but also have a son who no one would watch after the 2nd time because of his violence. I went through a lot of people. Now that I was looking again, my grandfather had a downfall in health and a care taker quit( have one left still ) they came a few hours in the am. I been told my neighbors caretaking for gpa IS my job and wait until after he dies! Um No way!

The only other one who was willing to care for my grandfather was my dad who is dying himself from CHF and heart Valve issues, Diabetes, DJD , etc etc. But he ripped his valve worse by lifting him. All the other so called family who can go take yearly vacations for a couple or more weeks, who are retired wont come on even part time basis. Oh maybe a night a couple of them once every 2/3 years, my Aunt used to come every few months for a few days but that has changed due to her and my grandfather disagreeing on everything.

I will not be receiving money for myself or any of my bills from my grandfather either way so the day he dies, everything stops, in fact, its stopping now because he needs more help. Which is fine by me. I have been wanting a job and am scared as heck because I also have my kids to care for I dont want to lose them. The only places I havent applied yet are convenience stores like 7-Eleven, banks (no Army because Im a single mom and I couldn't pass the PT). But I am going to give in because I am desperate. Im sorry you think Im the one whos greedy but, if you were in my family you would understand. I have been far from perfect but never would I take and take. Also, I am the one who convinced my grandfather not to give everything to my kids, to give to his other family. I am the one who is is telling him there are 3 caretakers who can take my place and he will have 24/7 people with him and I loose him paying bills for us. I already asked those people if they would like to, and how much, now to get grandpa to approve.
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