I've been helping my mother for 14 months, since her husband died. She insists on living alone, the only "family" around don't help her at

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all, but come around for money which she keeps giving them - in the thousands. I have been coming up a few days a month and see that she is not just grieving, but cognitively impaired. I have spoken to her dr and several experts on elderly and they all say she has dementia - but she won't see a dr so no diagnosis. I helped her get her "affairs" in order and now, somehow she went to a bank and changed everything. I have health POA but not general. I feel she is very vulnerable to being exploited, and not taking care of herself. She has recently turned on me with anger and suspicion - I guess that happens. I don't know what to do. I consulted an attorney and an asst living residence and others - they say to get POA but I can't seem to get her to cooperate on anything at this time. I'm thinking of calling Elder Protective Services for help. Does anyone have any ideas?


Well, sorry to say, if you think your Mom is incapable of taking care of her own affairs, then you are going to have to have a judge deem her incompetent and appoint POA to you. But, you have to remember, it IS her money and she can dole it out to whomever and however she wants to do that. There has to be incidents where reasonable doubt of her mental faculties is questioned before a judge will deem incompetency.
Thank you, Sylvester. I wish it were that simple. She is in the gray area - can still pay her bills, but can't remember ever being at the same cafe we go to every time. Fine in familiar places like Walmart, but belligerent and rude to salespeople at less familiar places like Home Depot. What I'm seeing is how little people understand about dementia; even health professionals, if they don't have a specialty in elder care, really don't seem to get it.. I called her nurse practitioner of many years with my concerns, and explained some of what was going on with my mother, and she said she has dementia and needs to see a psychiatrist for testing. I said I don't see how I'll ever get her to go to that. She's suddenly very mean toward me. Then the NP called my mom and TOLD her I'd called her, which made my mother furious with me. I feel very alone, with no one to turn to for help.
You might have to trick your mother into going to see the doctor. Could the nurse practitioner call her back just to say that her doctor wants to see her. Of course she CAN'T tell her that you called. That is what I had to do with my mother until she finally did go and get evaluated...
If I could get her to doctor and have her evaluated - then what? She has no will. No one has general poa, I only have health directive poa. I'm new at this. What steps come first, then second...?

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