I need a Peace of Mind and a Quiet Serene home!

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myhusbands daughter and her 2and 3 year old babies have moved in for a lack of a place to go. His daughter is a mess! The kids are a mess, how can I threaten her or do something about this without starting complete caous in my household. which is already happening, drinking and u name it going on under my roof, I want it stopped and NOW!!!! I have enough with mom, now two babies and a messed up mother! HELP!!!!!She also dissapears for days at a time and doesnt care, she is on something we already know, but we dont know what...............she needs rehab, buy says shed kill herself first!

4 Comments

There is nothing you can do to stop another person from drinking. I started going to Al-anon meetings to learn to take care of myself, irregardless of what the other person does. Also, counseling is a good thing, and there are books you can read on setting boundaries.
Susan, all I can say is what a mess! You could throw out your husband's dau. but what about the babies? That's a stop sign right there. How does your hubby feel about all this? Rehab doesn't do any good for someone who doesn't want to be there.
Oh I know firsthand about addicts. My stepson called us one day,said can I come for the weekend? 3.5 yrs later he was still with us. The stories I could tell. He messed up one time too many times and I told my husband, bless his heart, that he was an enabler and I wasn't going to take it anymore. I said I never let my kids put me thru this, I'll be da*#ed if I'm going to go thru it with this one. So I sat the stepson down and let him know his days were numbered. He left, messed around for several more months, got in 3 serious carwrecks. Through a total miracle, he met someone,they've been married for 4 yrs. She's 4'10, he's 6'2 and believe me, she keeps him in line and he's so greatful for her. He has had a couple of slip-ups, I won't lie, but she has been there for him, not enabling, but walk side by side.
I know your hubby is probably feeling just as lost and frustrated as you are.You have to be a team or this struggle will destroy you. I wish I could tell you it'll be ok but I'd be lying because with addicts it's all about them. Plus you have two babies involved. I'm here if you want to talk. It's a situation like no other and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
SUSAN:

She's an addict who has essentially dumped her kids on someone else. You're trying to make her clean her act up, but she flips it on you by sending you on guilt trips laced with suicidal threats.

In this situation, you'll drive yourself crazy without your husband's support. Both have not only to be on the same page, but read from the same page. If he doesn't want to help, flip the script on her and file a complaint with Children's Services (here in NYC, it's the Administration for Children's Services [ACS]). She'll be mandated to rehab and you (both of you guys) will be granted temporary custody. Or the children can be placed in foster care while she gets her s___t together. If your husband accuses you of having something against his daughter, try not to take it personally. His love for her is clouding his judgement and he might not be so ready to see the forest for the trees. After all, that's his "little girl" ... on drugs.

If she goes ballistic, call the cops and have her picked up. Tell them she's a drug addict threatening to kill herself. She'll be taken to the nearest hospital (detox unit) and kept a few days for observation. She's clearly a danger to herself and others (the kids), so I wouldn't be surprised if Children's Services were to engage her while at the hospital.

Work with your husband on this, baby. Let me know what happens.

-- ED
Ed,

Really Ed, I dont need this crap right now!! mom fell again last night and busted the back of her head open, I hate to be rude but this is getting ridiculous...........Just dumping them on us for days at a time, and will NOT call the cops to file a missing persons report!!!, mean while we know what she is doing and the damage it can cause our grandkids its really sad,my husband is acting as though he has no freaking backbone! I understand this is his daughter, but u know what,tough LOVE is how I learned, what ever happened to that? I cant lie I experimented in High School, and followed the crowd to be accepted, until the crowd, didnt even know who they were anymore!, after a while things like this become way more than a non skilled person can handle,,,,,,,,,,,I believe she is now in that category!, I changed all the locks in my house, as one key fits them all, which she doesnt know, but I am sure she;s not that dumb, she would figure it all out!!!!!, GOd doesnt give us mpre than we can handle! Just keep on praying for me!!!
thanks Ed for your everlasting judgement, and the right way to look at things!!!!U really are an intelligent dude, who has alot of knowledge, and has helped me alot!

THanks Again SusanT8403

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