Just plain sad!!!! I miss my mom, my old mom.
Will I ever get used to the fact that the roles have been reversed? It's been a horrible 7 weeks. Or more like 5 years of slowly watching her fade away. 7 weeks of hospitals,icu,nursing home rehab, hospital,icu and rehab..... And again for the 3rd time. She just entered the nursing home again for rehab, she is very,very weak. Her talks are about not making it, not having the energy to keep fighting. Its awful hard but I remain very positive when visiting her but then collapse with sadness when I am alone. I used to dream about alone time during those 5yrs of caring for her. Now I think its destroying me. I miss my mom. I'd give anything to sit across her kitchen table with a cup of coffee. Dementia is awful! But don't get me wrong, I'm happy she is still alive. But tonight I am sad, and I know some of you understand. And I am grateful for that! I have over done it and now I have been sick for more than a week. Drs appt tomorrow and I'm thinking it's time to tell her about all my sadness and tears. Maybe it's time for meds.. they have hepled me in the past. So thanks for listening and I guess I will reaching out to all of you when for most of my life it was my mom. She is my everything, so close. The only person in my world I told everything. Thanks again for listening!!!!!!!Lizard