I know I should not feel guilty

Started by

I responded to another discussion, then got alot of comments but wasnt sure if they were for me or the other. So I am starting a new one. Sorry Im new to this site. Just wanted to know if anyone else out there has a parent who lives with them that needs 24/7 care. I dont mind doing it. I love my Mom and would do anything for her. But she is getting to the point where she only feels comfortable with me around, cuz I take care of everything for her. I have 3 children and a husband that I need to take care of too. So I am always balancing everything. I already asked this and got alot of good comments. My husband and I and the kids are going away for 2 days and I know she is already worrying about it. My sister will be here to take care of her. I guess right now I am just asking is it normal to have these feelings of guilt leaving her. Sometimes I feel a little resentment too. She has severe emphysema, and a list of other things, and I dont know how much longer she will be here so I am just doing the best I can to take care of her, but at the same time would like to live a normal life with my husband and three boys. I love my Mom.


Donnaray3 go with your family and enjoy the time together. You've earned the time and space. Certainly she will be worried, but if you don't get your sister involved so that she too knows what to do, that time may never come. It's really great that your sister will be there to take care of your mom. Some of us don't have the luxury of a sister doing ANYTHING!

So you and your family go ahead and have a good time. Try to do those get-aways from time to time because they will keep you sane.

Enjoy your trip and bring me a hat:)
You're a blessing to your mom, and your sister to you! The self-doubt is a natural thing many of us do. Go have a wonderful time, just for some refreshing for you. You'll be so glad you did. And thank God you won't have to worry about your mom. Enjoy!!!
Feelings of guilt are the norm but your family needs you also and since your sister can be with your Mom go and have a great time and you will be a better caregiver for having time away and you should plan this every so often.
Thanks for your comments. This site has been a real big help to know other people are going through this or have. Sometimes it just takes someone to say its okay take time for yourself to feel reassured.

Girl, you have guilt coming at you from everywhere. When I took my mother in for a few years, she made me feel guilty about "leaving her alone" whenever I tried to arrange a weekend getaway. So I kept postponing my trips. If I didn't go to Florida to visit my sons and grandkids as promised or to Louisiana to visit my wife's grave, I felt even guiltier.

One night, after making her one huge mug of hot cocoa with chunks of cheddar cheese on the bottom I called her to the kitchen table. I told her I needed time for myself and that my sisters would be coming by every day to check up on her. She said she wasn't talking to any one of them, so I suggested she invite her novio (boyfriend) to stay with her. He went back to his wife. I suggested she stayed with her friends, but there had been some bochinche (falling out) between them and they weren't talking either. The moment I realized I was being manipulated and pretty much had been taken for granted I told her this wasn't a negotiation. I'm not accusing your mom of anything here, as I'm sure she's very different from mine.

My point? Get away once in a while, but make arrangements with your sister or someone else to ensure your mom is taken care of. After all, your husband and kids need your love too. Have fun.

-- ED

Thanks for the insight, Yes I do believe our Mothers our different, but I will be getting away for the weekend with the family. Thank God I have sisters that will help. I have read so many comments on here with siblings that are just unbelievable! Makes my problems look like molehills. I wish everyone the best. I am looking forward to my little but much needed break with my family. Take care.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support