I have family members who are concerned about their inheritance and who turned me in to elder abuse 2 times. I've cared for our mom 6 years.

Started by

I don't know what to do with this additional stress. Even though the accusations aren't true, it's so hard to deal with. I have hired caregivers 5 hours a day and mom lives in my house. She is 82, can't walk or do any of her own daily care. She has severe diabetes but I am an RN and can care for her. I feel very strongly about not putting her in a nursing home. No one else in the family helps with her care giving. I know I give her wonderful care and she is happy. I believe they should let her money be used by her, rather than saved for them. What can I do to stop this harassment.



you can file for harassment if both times, they found there was no elder abuse.. or you can just thumb your nose at them and tell them to do what they feel they need to do if theyre that concerned about the money more than theyre mother!
The first time was "unfounded". The second time just started. The Dept of Aging won't give me enough details to file harassment. They say it's confidential. Why can people accuse you, if they have no facts, like about the care of the person. My accusers haven't even visited for two years And why doesn't the Dept of Aging check with my mom's doctor? It's freaking me out
I had the same thing happen to me. And my mom lied. Her friends think they're "saving" her.
My family isn't even trying to "Save" her, just the money. I know I legally don't have any thing to hide. It's so unfair-to be guilty until you prove you are innocent, to have the shame even if you don't deserve it. And to work so hard on her care and have this be your thanks. But what if you get arrested and she gets, what, stuck in a nursing home?. This is not at all how I thought our country operated, except with the IRS of course.
penny don't fear your not going to be arrested you have done nothing to harm your mother. If they find no neglect what can they charge you with, they are just harrasing you. I had the one of those people snooping around my mom. My mom is so bad she never lets people in so this lady had a tough time. LOL...I think it was my cousins g/f due to we had a big fight about all this nonsense my mom was making up about dying a year ago - she was doing it for attention and she believed her and I knew better. That woman is healthy as a horse, she wants to play sick. I could not get an answer who called either I asked all the neighbors around her and they all said no but I think it was my cousin's g/f friend cause she works at city hall and the business card for the agency was the same city...ah ha..yep figured that one out. I never ever heard back from my cousin nor his nosey g/f ever since then. I dropped the hint to my aunt that I think it was her son's g/f and I think that got back to them. Yep nice when yer own family does you in. They never found anything so it was all written away as nothing and it went bye bye....all for nothing a waste of time and nothing but an irritant and a reminder on how family can back stab ya when your down.
...or throw you under the train.
Pennynunez I know how you feel. My sister took POA away from me, convinced my mom that she was better suited. I think she had my mom convinced that I was stealing from her.

But since she's taken over and is getting those large care-giving bills, (care-giver works now Mon-Fri 6:00 am till 5:00 pm @ $21.00 per hour) she see's the reality of where my mom's money is going. Now she wants me to come and take care of mom twice a week to REDUCE the bill. By the way when I was in charge I minimized care-giver to 3 days only. Two days I was there, which often turned out to be more like 4. I think little sis is more concerned about preserving moms money so that there's something left over. I've told mom that HER MONEY SHOULD BE SPENT ON HER and that's the bottom line.

No way am I doing this free this time, as sis will have to pay me. I've written up a contract, which is sitting at moms house as I type. I'm not falling into that trap again because I know that if I do I'll be right back at care-giver number uno again.

I think my sister does well by my mom though as mom seems to be happy and content. And when she's doing good, I'm feeling good.

But I do know how you feel.
Pam...sad we have to protect ourselves from our own family at times.
Penny, I know the feeling of having to prove you didn't do anything wrong. Family members being so ugly to one another, aint it grand! The one doing me wrong is my own mother, revoked my POA, disinherited me and my kids, is suing me. That's the reward my kids and I got for taking care of her.
I'm sorry you are in the position of having to defend yourself, twice no less, all because of greed. I'd check into the harrassment aspect. Something's gotta give or they'll keep doing this periodically just because they can.
I've proven mom wrong and hope to get this over with soon and put behind me. I got no support or encouragement from my sibling, who knows as well as mom, that I'd never steal from her. Man, that hurts to be called a thief by your own kin. I'm shaking it off, standing tall and moving forward.
I wish you good luck, Penny. I'll be praying for you.
AlwaysmyDuty how brave you are. I am inspired by your courage of shaking if off, standing tall and moving forward.

You are a true trooper.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support