I have family members who are concerned about their inheritance and who turned me in to elder abuse 2 times. I've cared for our mom 6 years.

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I don't know what to do with this additional stress. Even though the accusations aren't true, it's so hard to deal with. I have hired caregivers 5 hours a day and mom lives in my house. She is 82, can't walk or do any of her own daily care. She has severe diabetes but I am an RN and can care for her. I feel very strongly about not putting her in a nursing home. No one else in the family helps with her care giving. I know I give her wonderful care and she is happy. I believe they should let her money be used by her, rather than saved for them. What can I do to stop this harassment.

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BTW, the sis I refer to above is a liar, a thief, sociopath and a narcissist! She comes under the guise of helping, only to go thru everything in the home so she can steal what she wants and thinks she can get away with. Fun girl.
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Whew, and I thought our family was the only one dysfunctional to this point!! I am seeing that this behavior is somewhat typical on the part of a family member (sibling, in my case) who probably carries around a lot of guilt for not being involved in the caregiving of his/her loved one. I try to convince my sis that it is OK that she is not helping, not everyone is alike--just wish she would stay away and not make trouble by bringing her omnipresent drama into our home!
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Be brave, do the right things, and document well. APS has to err on the side of investigating all reports, reporters are relatively protected from anything that could be retaliation and inhibit reporting of true abuse, and bad faith is so hard to prove. They will normally let you know the report was made and that it was unfounded, no matter how many times it happens. They are not infallible but will normally see through any phony reporting - treat them as kindly as you can when they come over and they should understand that the whole thing makes you angry and nervous, but do your best to keep your cool, show concern and respect, but you can certainly let out a little frustration that the person making these reports has not even been around or been trying to help in any way and you do not understand it.
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I had the same thing happen to me. My sister first filed an "Elder Abuse" complaint about me about my dad. It was investigated by the social worker, they interviewed him and found no basis. A few weeks later, she filed a motion for "guardianship" because she mentioned in the motion that I have been "misappropriating " his money for my self. On the day of the hearing, they withdrew the complaint, but her lawyer sent him a the cost for his services. a bill. I am POA for both my parents who I have been careing for for 20 years.
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penny...you should tell that nosey sister in law TO BUTT OUT....she is not real family only married in family. It's up to you and your brother and any DIRECTLY related family to determine what is best for your Mom...not GREEDY sister in laws!
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Pam I am so proud of you not getting caught up in the caregiving role again - it did not take sister dear long to see it as it is well probably for you it was a long time you are a strong lady and I am so glad you are part of this group keep up the good work.
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penneynunez, the moderator of the site, Carol spoke specifically to the post about which you refer. She assures us we can vent safely without fear of recrimination. Of coarse, none of us would consider abuse, so what do we need to worry about? That was just written to scare. Circumspection is recommended, but not fear. Just be yourself, because that is why we're all here! When you post your true feelings and frustrations, it's helps us all feel less alone. After all, these are just emotions we're venting for relief. It works to do that here. That's not abuse. We're all in the same boat, so feel free to vent away. We do understand! I vent often myself. Sounds like you're dealing with a touchy situation, and I feel for your pain. Many here can identify with that. Praying for you that things work out better with help. Bless you for all that you do. Just know you're not alone.
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I have an attorney to help me with organizing my records. I feel much stronger now and don't want to be a "victim" anymore. I'm the one who promised to keep her out of the nursing home and I want to try to hold the memories we are making in my heart. I have a problem with losing my brother because we were very close as children and he could stop his wife's lies if he wanted to. She is indeed very greedy and I actually have had problems with her for years. I think it bothered her how close we used to be. Anyway I got a little freaked out when I read another post saying investigators read this site and have been afraid to post. I have found it so extremely helpful to just read what is said cause I don't feel so alone.Thanks to everyone for the comments.
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No, we are definitely not alone. Remember some of those Personality Disorder threads? It is so prevalent out there. Dealing with it is the difficult thing. Let those with momster mommies unite. Either that, or let us run away together...lol. Totheboattotheboattotheboattotheboat... Chat tonight?
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Sis...thanks big hugs....and it does help (it did this morning) when I know now that I am not the only one with a difficult mommo!
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